Repost: Revered

Today I repost this blog in loving memory of Charmayne Singer, the first woman listed in the revered women of my life section from a piece I wrote in 2010. I leave in just a moment to attend her memorial service which I'm sure will be a time of deep mourning but not without a confident hope that she now stands beside her Savior. What a blessing she was to me. I pray that my life would leave as beautiful a fragrance as hers has.
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I checked out an Oprah book. It now sits in my home by the orange chair delighting my evenings and leading me to pontificate. Tonight I read about self-esteem and all that other mambo-jumbo (you know Oprah and her "spirituality"). One thing that did make me reflect and feel the flicker of joy was thinking about influential people in my life.

I want all the women who have inspired, encouraged, embraced, and invested in me to be together in one room. Oh what joy would fill my heart and laughter fill the room. There would be beautiful women in every corner sharing stories of what the Lord has done in their lives and the journey He has led them on. We would sip our preferred beverage and eat lovely things, because Lord knows a party ain't a party till someone brings the food. We would laugh, cry, hug, think, and pray. We would sing sweet melodies, read beautiful writings, and tell adventurous stories. I know they would all get along so well. Just thinking of it brings a smile to my face.

This, I imagine, will only have the likelihood of happening when, Lord willing, I get married. And if that should never happen, as it very well may not, would it be weird of me to throw myself a Single party? ...I'm afraid it would. So, to save myself the embarrassment I will send out a thank you and list some names of beautiful women who have forever changed my life. I cannot wait to spend eternity with you my lovely family, worshipping our Abba Father.

So, to some of the revered women of my life: Charmayne, Rachel, Becky, Judy, Katherine, Betty, Cindy, Stephanie, Jessica, Ashlie, Mandy, Nicole, Lisa, Laurie

Thank you so much for all you did, are doing, and will continue to do in the years to come in shaping me to become the woman I am today and will be tomorrow. I thank my God EVERY time I think of you.

{The Great Divide} talking about what we don't talk about

I'm presuming there are not a lot of men who visit this little world of mine. In fact I only know of one who has me in his Google Reader (or maybe HAD me there :) Thanks Jay!)
So what better platform to have a bit of a gripe about what awesome single ladies gripe about occasionally to close friends or acquaintances or in my case total strangers... our singleness and the lack of control we have over it.

So, recently I've had the privilege to speak with several a single lady who are baffled like me by the state of too many lovely christian women. I read a while ago there are people who are single for a reason and people who are single for a season. Despite either of these two logic's the alarming truth is that there are an astounding number of women who desire to be married, to raise children, are of a reasonable age and are AMAZING. I'm not just talking like hey I'm cool "amazing" but like hey I'm COOL, I LOVE Jesus, I'm about the work of HIS Kingdom, and I'm gonna do this thing with our without a husband kind of AMAZING.

But what IS lacking is AMAZING men to come along side these women. Don't get me wrong, there are guys out there. That's not the problem. The problem is these AMAY-ZA-ZING  women don't just want some guy. They want a man. Can I just include myself in there? I mean I like to think of myself as pretty amay-za-zing as well. WE want a man. Stop me if I'm wrong.

I'm not expecting this man to be the best at everything or at anything. I'm expecting, and I assume I'm not alone in this, a man to love Jesus, to be committed to His Kingdom, and his purpose within the Kingdom. I'm expecting that he be apart of the Church and his church. These are foundational things. Anything outside of this is preference and is debatable.

So... what's up? For realsies? Cause I'm not seeing that this list is something insurmountable. But what I do see are churches or organizations filled with women, sprinkled with men, and many a man not willing, interested, or motivated to ask a lady out. I understand there is fear of rejection. Risk. Whatever else may be a hindrance. But men this is your biblical role, to initiate, to pursue, to risk the rejection, or maybe just maybe hear a resounding YES.

I know once there used to be a stigma maybe with dorkier, shyer, socially awkward men versus the smooth, popular guy. But men, can I just give you some encouragement if you're still reading this, nearly ALL of my friends, who are AMAZING, have said they prefer the shyer, dorkier, socially awkward men! No joke. You are not the underdog anymore, so stop behaving like it. Put on the pants that are rightfully yours, pray, and pursue. Yes, you may get rejected. Yes, it may hurt a bit. But you also might find an AMAY-ZA-ZING jewel.

And to my dear ladies, myself included, I think Oswald Chambers said it best " If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on man being what no man can ever be- absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else." Our trust, hope, and desires cannot be wrapped up in man, for they will always disappoint and we will always disappoint them. But who we continue to trust in, look towards, and lean on is Christ. The One who never disappoints and indeed is shaping you into the amazing women you are.

I pray for our hope and strength to be found in Him. And I pray that our focus would be on the grand purposes He has set aside for you to do in the area He has placed you even now.

Amnesia

i saw a man that looked like you today.

made me miss you.

miss your friendship.

miss your embrace.

miss your voice.

and as much as i don't want to

i remember

and i miss you all over again.

Friendly Friday

Well hello there friends! I'm super excited to introduce to you my new little feature that I stole from a friend over at I'm Just Sayin', Friendly Fridays. I have such amazing people in my life, I love them so much, and I just know you would too.

So I figured to kick start this thing there would be no better people to start with than my very own partners in crime over at Something New.

This year has been one of the most difficult, actually in all seriousness, the most difficult year of my life. Transition is a word I was beginning to loath. None the less there is no other way to describe this year other than a year of major life transitions. Transitions are difficult. Period. But transitioning alone... Now that is pure torture! Thank God that in His sovereignty He knew that I was not the one to be able to handle this major life change alone. So he brought me company in three ladies that were in similar life stages.

In no particular order I'd like to introduce to you the lovely ladies of Something New and 3 of my dearest new friends.

Linda is one of the tiniest yet most feisty people I know. She is ridiculously determined to support the kiddos she works with at Vashon, which is not an easy task if you know Vashon. She is also incredibly thoughtful, intelligent, and great at organizing social events. When I was lost in where to begin friendships, in stepped Linda who introduced me to all her friends and allowed me to tag along to SO many events. It was often awkward for me to be a tag along but she never gave up on me :) Aw "And Linda Too" (that's what we call her) I so very much appreciate your friendship.

Rachael is one of the most beautifully sincere people I know. She is so honest yet gentle in her delivery. I'm sure you know people who are honest but so hurtful in telling you the truth! Ahh! Not this one. There is such a sweetness in her. It's seen in the way she cares for her friendships and the way she maintains them over the years. It's seen in the way she loves her family and those who are like family to her. She loves so deeply and wears her heart on her sleeve. Not in the trample on me kind of way, but in a way that invites you into her life and to know her. I have loved knowing this beautiful friend.

Lauren is the newest to my life. She is such a delicate person of peace to me. Things may piss her off but she always maintains such composure. She seems to flutter into rooms with this beautiful smile that simply puts you at ease. There is this confident air about her, not the stuffy cocky kind, but one of strength in knowing who's she is. She is incredibly intelligent and motivated. I simply love being in her presence. She is such a breath of fresh air!

So that's them. The beautiful women of Something New that have made this something new so much more enjoyable. 

(Me, Rachael, Lauren, Linda)

Boundless Relationship Week Day 4

Task 6.... "The List" Qualities I want in a husband.... different wording, same routine

"For some reason, we've made indecision noble when it comes to dating." I really enjoyed this quote from one of the articles and find that it is so true.

Besides this quote though I must be honest in saying I am tired of the typical christian list making, dreaming of life in marriage week. I'm not needing more focus given to this very thing I want, but don't yet have. SO what I was thinking would be more beneficial for me to do is to list what qualities I really want in myself.

I really do want to love and trust the Lord specifically when things are awful, when nothing is turning out as planned, when I don't see another way out. I want to have scripture so hidden in my heart that I might not sin, but remember His wonders of old. I want to be an encouragement to all around me. I want my life to be characterized by loving the Lord through loving those He cares for; the widow, the orphan, the alien, the poor. I want to joyfully invest in lives around me, even when it is not appreciated. I want to be a dedicated teacher that strives for individual success and continues to challenge myself. I want to be counted on in intimate community within the church. I want to be a supportive wife who allows opportunities for her husband to truly lead. I want to be a godly mother that leads her children in God's truth and leaves them in God's hands.

Thank God that this is a process and at my ripe young age of 27 He still has time to work on me because oh how I am so not even there!

Boundless Relationship Week Day 3

Task 5 Call or visit a friend and ask how you can be a better friend to them, ways you can improve. Ughhh....

I must say originally I was leery of this task. I definitely did not want to hear the ways I had been a bad friend over the years. Especially not after the day of disappointments and lack of trust in God I had had. Nonetheless, I braced myself for what could be a massive verbal lashing.

Instead what I received was grace upon grace. My dearest friend told me the only way I could improve was to see her more and that she had felt convicted of her absences as well. I know there are areas that I need to improve in, even if through her grace stained glasses she cannot see or chooses not to.

We spent the rest of the conversation talking about her. Her wedding plans, her excitement, her summer, her life. I loved it. After the few days I have had it was so refreshing to take the focus off of me and to spotlight her. She naturally asked questions about me and I tried as best I could to redirect without being rude.

I think our conversation today allowed me to see the trees among the forest and really savior the beauty of perspective.

Boundless Relationship Week Day 2

Task 4 Communicate respect to a significiant man in your life after reading Ephesians 5:33, Chpt. 1 of Love and Respect, and reviewing The 5 Love Languages.

My dad is out of town, my brother has no method of immediate communication, and I'm single. This task was something that I wanted to complete though so I went to my easiest target, my coworker.

I need to just say it is so much easier to respect someone when they love you in your language or know that you are doing a challenge and are up for being a part of it. This was not the scenerio in my situation. Usually my coworker and I get along fine, but the one day I'm trying to be quietly intentional with showing him respect is the one day he does everything to piss me off. Meaning he didn't do the things I secretly wanted him to do to show me love, so I could show him respect! Hahaha! Really challenging!

This task really challenged my thinking and perspective on God given roles within a marriage or relationship in general. Because though in a marriage issues are intensified and intimate, I think this is such a good thing to remember in life. I'm not looking for my male coworkers to intimately love me, but I am wanting to be heard, therefore valued, therefore feeling loved. Just the same, I'm not looking to my male coworkers to lead me in all areas of my life, so I can show them all of my respect, but I can respect decisions they make concerning our crew, project, or work site.

Great task!

Boundless Relationship Week Day 1

Task 3 How did meditating on this passage further shape your view on relationship?

Romans 12:9-13
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another is showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

It's funny that this would be the first task and "Let love be genuine" would be the first words. Over the past few weeks I have felt a real absence of intimate community in my life. I was telling a friend that in this move, I have done a good job at getting a good quantity of friends but now I want some of those friendships to be better quality. And it really is all about being real, or genuine, with each other. Having this community and accountability will encourage and challenge me to hate what is evil and cling to what is good, while being able to truly come to a point of loving with sisterly affections these women in my life.

In thinking about the list of 7 things to be doing given in this passage, it's really easy for me to separate this from the context of relationships and simply apply it to my life. Though that's good and well, these 3 verses are within the context of relationships and cannot just be removed from that. So keeping that in mind, I'm challenged by these things. Outdo one another in showing honor, don't be lazy in your excitement, be active listening and obeying the spirit, serve God, be happy in hope, be long suffering in trials, and always be in prayer! Imagine what friendships or relationships of all facets would look like if this was how we truly lived. If this was how I truly lived.

Comparing myself to these 7 standards brings conviction to my selfish heart, but also empowers me by clearly laying out the picture of true Christianity, knowing that it is not I who has a good work to finish in me but Christ alone! I can boast in my weakness because where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.

Boundless Dating

Task 2

So for those of you who don't know I'm taking a challenge. My first public task was to read a series of articles on Biblical dating and then to comment on them.

Biblical dating is slightly phantomish to me. I honestly love the concept and the challenge of it but have never seen it done. It is so much easier to give into self, pressure, and societal norms. Christ however was not called to the easy route, nor are we in being transformed into His likeness.

There were some points that I could debate, some others I could whine about, yet still others that I stood resolutely behind. In the end though my heart was continually led back to the truth that "ALL of life comes down to just these things, that's to know Jesus and make Him known." This does not exclude my dating life but rather fully includes it. If a relationship or the actions taken within the context of that relationship don't allow me to know Jesus better or make Him (His purposes, His character, His law) made known what is the point? It would be some self gratifying purpose, which is not the intent for a Godly marriage.

So, there are things I don't want to hear and don't want to live by, but I know that His nearness is my good. Be near Oh God and plant these dating boundaries deep within my heart so that I might not sin against a brother or against you.

Out with February, In with March

Where on Earth has the time even gone? Honestly! It's already 3 days into March, seriously? Yet somehow, as I type, I'm trying to remember what February even looked like. It was in and out like the high waisted pants fashion trend. Unlike the sad pants, this February will be remembered for various reasons in my life. This speedy month held the quick engagements of a few friends and the ridiculously slow arrival of a dear baby. The month my car got hit and reality hit me a little harder. The celebration of relationships finally coming around and the mourning of lying other relationships to rest. Ya, February you have been quite the balancing act.

I'm ready for March and it's inevitable hope inducing sunshine. Oh how I need a hope inducer. Between the gray days of February and the normal "wait" of life, a girl can get bogged down and feel a little hopeless. But it's nothing a little sunshine and a lot of Son time ;) can't fix.

So here's to March; basketball, sunshine, green grass and all! Hoping you find a little hope this month!

6 months

So... I've been here 6 months today. I am alive and doing well. The Lord is stretching and growing me in areas I expected but in ways I could not have anticipated. There are some new ministries coming into focus for me that I'm sure I will be sharing with you as things become clearer. Real friendships are blossoming, roots are digging in, and I feel the groove coming.
I've deleted the number vowing to give in and let go. I've thought better of thinking. And I'm relearning to hope.
Ya, I'd say at 6 months things are getting better. The here and there of me are learning to coexist happily. Ya,....happily.

Lovely Moments

So... inspired by my last post 5 minutes ago. I wanted to make a list of lovely moments I've had the chance to embrace.

watching the sunset in VA
first kiss
watching planes land at dusk
a walk in the park
hand in hand
a kiss on the head
a walk in the rain
a song made for me
piano melody in a coffee shop
laughing till tears
birth of first niece
4 course meal in Italy
looking out at the vineyards
knees to the earth looking up at the mountains
drives to nowhere
princess palaces
snow angels
washing feet
kisses covered floor
prayer
comforted by dearest friends
realizing love
dozing with sleeping baby
standing at Niagara
reconnecting with friends
realizing home
real worship

The Best and Worse

In honor of Valentine's Day I thought a bit about the few dates I've been on in my few years. There really aren't many OK dates for me. If they were good, they were really good. If they were bad, they were really bad. Here are a few that made the lists.

Best:
A day doing things I wanted to do. From early in the morning until late at night. Which included him taking me shopping for him. I got to dress him up in whatever I wanted. Great fun!

Worst:
After spending about an hour shoveling my car out of the snow I met a guy at a nasty Chinese buffet (should have known then), to find him already eating. When I sat down they brought a plate of frog legs(!) for him. Then conversation was completely lacking. But worse when we got to the counter he made no reach for his wallet. I paid! DEAL BREAKER!

Best:
A dinner with friends, one being an extraordinary chef. Good conversation. Watching a little t.v., then a nice drive checking out houses, and more good conversation.

Worst:
A l-o-n-g time ago. A movie I never saw the title of. A guy I never talked to again. And a "punch" in the neck . Enough said.

Best:
A funeral. Coffee. A walk. A talk.

What I've come to realize is none of these dates are extraordinarily great. It's just the people I was with that made the difference.

Both In One

One is there.
Another here.
Will there ever be
both here and there?

A bridge to span
the space between,
where I am found,
not confused, rather
convinced that I am
indeed fully there and
fully here.

With no morphing or swaying,
I cannot change you.
Since you are there
be fully there.
And you are here
so be all here.

But I stand confidently
where I am,
where the here and there
will never meet.
I wait for you to find me.
-AngieLee

My attempt at poetry. I really love this piece because it is exactly what I wanted to say and exactly how I felt.

Pray first, then eat!

I've just had the pleasure of chatting with some new friends. I was pleasantly surprised to find that many were in a similar situation as I. Isn't it great when the Lord brings along those people in your life, that you can walk with through this season. That's, I think, what we must remember at the forefront is that, indeed this is just a season. It will not forever be this tight-rope walk of sanity and trusting the Lord. We will again, someday, come back around to a feeling of rested assurance, knowing that of course God can handle everything and wondering why we ever distrusted Him.

But right now, that assurance isn't there all the time and it's nice to know that I'm not doubting alone. What's even better is that He, in His infinite wisdom, knows we need each other and so has placed us in various places in these trials so that we can unite together, in community, to encourage one another when we cannot stand on our own.

So, here is my encouragement to new and old friends alike; who are struggling with trusting the Lord and His direction and timing in our lives. Read the book Just Do Something. I read it within my first 5 months of moving back and found such great wisdom (which I always forget). It's an easy read but will definitely challenge you. Maybe I should take it up again. Enjoy!