Both In One

One is there.
Another here.
Will there ever be
both here and there?

A bridge to span
the space between,
where I am found,
not confused, rather
convinced that I am
indeed fully there and
fully here.

With no morphing or swaying,
I cannot change you.
Since you are there
be fully there.
And you are here
so be all here.

But I stand confidently
where I am,
where the here and there
will never meet.
I wait for you to find me.
-AngieLee

My attempt at poetry. I really love this piece because it is exactly what I wanted to say and exactly how I felt.

Hope For Heaven Now

Last night I sat watching the Hope For Haiti Now telethon with a box of tissues. My heart was breaking for these people and the wreckage they are being pulled from. As I was listening I felt like these actors and musicians, with the best of intentions I realize, were saying the same things over and over again. The message that rang loud and clear in my heart was that we have known these statistics about Haiti forever. It is an impoverished country, many families live in shacks, and many children in orphanages. And the question that beckoned me was why has it taken devastation to break our hearts for this country? The real devastation is that before an earthquake came they were devastated and now that it has gone they are still devastated.

Why does it take disaster to unveil our eyes to see the hurt and oppression around the world? I am so amazed that people are pouring themselves out for Haiti right now. They need it and it is beautiful. American children giving out of their abundance, families praying, people rushing in to relieve, medics coming in to revive. But they also needed it before. Their need is just publicized more now.

There are war torn countries and other places that live like this on a regular basis and yet America still has our $51 million lottery. Hiring baseball players for contracts of $120 million. Releasing T.V. show hosts for $45 million. Doesn't this seem a little bizarre to anyone else? There are more countries with people concerned about where there next meal will come from than not and yet we have this excess of money to toss freely about. Really?

America is an "economic downturn". We are indebted to China and various other countries. Yet still we live in a ridiculous money driven society that generally has no thought for the poor in their own neighborhood much less those across any body of water. When we get rich we forget and when we are poor we don't remember.

I realize this isn't how the world turns and for reasons incomprehensible to me it can't be this way but wouldn't it be nice if every country gave out of their abundance and everyone had what they needed and no one lacked anything (Acts). We wouldn't have these astronomical gaps in society between the "haves" and the "have nots".

Oh how I long for heaven, when He will come and put right what has been made wrong and bring justice to the oppressed. Until then may my heart be burdened with the needs around the world and may I pour out the abundant love of Christ daily.

5 Months and Counting

Not to be confused with pregnancy, though this is a birthing of sorts. I have lived in my new home for 5 months now. The time has passed by relatively quickly. In moments I have felt like time was stagnant, like things would never change, like I was without hope. But I find myself at this 5 month mark completely sane and happy. I live in this house which speaks volumes of my sanity. I was just offered the position that I desperately hoped and prayed for. Relationships are solidifying. And I'm finding my groove. It feels like things are on the upswing in my life. Everything I dreamed of? Not at all. Potentially birthing a whole new dream? Definitely maybe.

"Chubbs"

"Chubbs", a name I don't think I'll ever forget. I don't know this student at all but I do however spend most days in the Kirkwood School District working with special needs students. Today I had the opportunity to watch this video with some of my students and was overwhelmed with emotion.

I knew I worked in a district that was intentional about meeting the needs of all students. I was already proud to be apart of that, but to see their commitment to special needs students socialization. Well, that is huge. Having worked in the educational world and knowing kids, I know that special education kids are easy targets. Kirkwood has made it an essential part of their curriculum to teach peace and acceptance. It is evident in the students I work with and this video of David "Chubbs" Stillman. I am truely inspired and encouraged.

Pray first, then eat!

I've just had the pleasure of chatting with some new friends. I was pleasantly surprised to find that many were in a similar situation as I. Isn't it great when the Lord brings along those people in your life, that you can walk with through this season. That's, I think, what we must remember at the forefront is that, indeed this is just a season. It will not forever be this tight-rope walk of sanity and trusting the Lord. We will again, someday, come back around to a feeling of rested assurance, knowing that of course God can handle everything and wondering why we ever distrusted Him.

But right now, that assurance isn't there all the time and it's nice to know that I'm not doubting alone. What's even better is that He, in His infinite wisdom, knows we need each other and so has placed us in various places in these trials so that we can unite together, in community, to encourage one another when we cannot stand on our own.

So, here is my encouragement to new and old friends alike; who are struggling with trusting the Lord and His direction and timing in our lives. Read the book Just Do Something. I read it within my first 5 months of moving back and found such great wisdom (which I always forget). It's an easy read but will definitely challenge you. Maybe I should take it up again. Enjoy!

Foggy Nights

A few days ago a deep fog fell over the St. Louis area. Billboards that usually anchored the city were no longer existent. Lights guiding the path were now a faint glowing in the distance. As I tried to maneuver my way back home I was surprised how lost I felt with this veil of fog. My head lights seemed to disappear in the thick of it. At one point the only car traveling with me vanished as I tried to keep up, using their back lights as point of reference.

It's funny but this scene is exactly how I feel lately. Like a dense fog has shrouded my life. I have lost all sense of direction and the light that I have doesn't seem strong enough to cut through this darkness. I'm traveling alone and the only hope I had of finding my way out has just vanished.

I however can find hope that tomorrow will be a new day and the fog may not have completely lifted but someday, someday, the light will shine and I will find my way again. Until then, I will use the dim light I have and continue this journey though the path is unclear.

Creamy Cones and Life Lessons

After a ridiculous week at work (work I'm so grateful for) I felt I owed a treat to myself. What better way to say job well done than an ice cream cone from Ronald McDonald! Waiting in the drive-thru, exhaust and salt grime stuck to my windshield blurring the snow mounds, I realized how ludicrous it must sound for me to be ordering 1 vanilla cone in 30 degree weather. Even crazier when I pulled to the first window and there wasn't a toddler in the back seat anxiously awaiting their $1.03 snack.

When handed my ice cream I smiled and over exaggerated my first taste. I felt like a child driving away but wasn't really phased by it because I was also pleased like a child by my simple little cone. My tongue felt slightly frost bitten by the time I got home but I had just partaken of my wonderful reward.

It made me long to be a kid again. To be satisfied by simplicity. It made me think of that verse in the bible where Jesus tells us to enter into the Kingdom like little children. How I wish I could be so easily satisfied with my Creator. Not to ask anything more of Him but to simply delight in Him. Lessons I've yet to learn taught to me by toddlers.