It's been 14 months since I last wrote here and in 14 months life happens. In 14 minutes life happens and there's no need to apologize for life and its happenings regardless of the amount of time that's passed.
Life happens and the next thing you know its been 14 months and your heart and hands are burdened with messages that need to be released in a world of white space and tiny scribblings.
So here we are, with no apologies and endless amounts of white space left. It can be overwhelming....the white space and being unapologetic. Maybe more so the being unapologetic. I apologize for everything. Like EVERYTHING. I run into a table, I apologize to the table. I run to an elevator door closing, I apologize to those who held it open. I startle at someone walking into the same entrance as me and I apologize. I find I can be a walking apology. And I'm just kind of over it. As a side note you know what I never got "under" but am so over (see what I did there :) )? #sorryiamnotsorry SO. OVER. IT. You just apologized for being unapologetic! It's like people saying " You can't have your cake and eat it too." What the ***? Oh yes I can! What's the point of having a cake but not eating it? Someone riddle me that. Sorry I'm not sorry??? GAH!
Now I'm not saying there is never a time to apologize. When you're in the wrong, absolutely apologize. I mean I didn't buy that etiquette book years ago and learn nothing from it! I am saying though, that when I find myself in a place where I'm apologizing to inanimate objects I also find myself apologizing for things that are outside of my control or that warrant no apology.
I can find myself internalizing the thoughts of; I'm sorry my skin color has made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry my grammar baffled you, I'm sorry my femininity made you question your masculinity, I'm sorry my body made you self-conscious of your own, I'm sorry my personality has made you feel inadequate. I'm sorry I am me, a voluptuous, educated, confident, brown skinned woman. And not in the humble-brag kind of way, but a legit apology for these things which make up... me.
Well I am SO over that bull! I'm starting the I'm sorry I was ever sorry for that stuff I never had any reason to be sorry about movement! #isiwesftsinhartbsam
Over the course of the past 2 months I have encountered a plethora of white people apologizing for their whiteness and black people admitting their sense of apology for their blackness in a white dominant culture. Let's skip the apologies this time ok? They're not needed. Not for the color of your skin. Not for the upbringing you had. Your apologies aren't needed. The color of your skin, from the lightest to the darkest hue does not warrant an apology.
The negative intentions, words, and actions brought forth out of a belief that a hue is more superior, more deserving, more (fill in the blank) than the other is where the apologies need to begin flowing. Apologizing for injustice, oppression, ignorance, hatred, abandonment- Yes, please! But apologizing for the skin that you wear... oh no no no my friends, there's no sense in apologies.
