I had to make a relatively long drive today over to north county from the city. It's a dreary day today. It's not 30 degrees which is great but it is somewhere around 40 and drizzly. This type of weather always puts me in a contemplative mood. With the radio tuned in to Joy FM (yes, I listen to christian radio which has apparently become taboo in the trendy christian circles. Opps.) there was song after song that badgered my heart.
I've written before how every break tends to leave me a little less spiritual and a lot more lazy. This break has not been that way, by God's grace. I've been productive. Busy making plans for my future classroom, organizing, visiting with friends, doing the "farm" chores. It's been great. But, even in the midst of my finding time to still meet with the Lord, I've found my heart still on vacation, somewhere far off and removed. So, I've been reading the word without a real connection to it. Some people can do that, have the Bible be merely a factual story, no need for emotion. I, however, am NOT one of those people.
I'm moved by scripture. I'm thrilled to connect it to my life. And though painful, I'm joyful of the conviction it brings. This far removed me, could just as easily be reading a book in all Mandarin ( a language I don't speak) and have the same reactions.
So today as I drove, there was a continuous stream of songs convicting my heart and tearing down the little walls that had already begun to build after a week of vacation. Songs reminding me that I am not who I once was, that God is making me and all things new. Songs reiterating that He, Immanuel, has cast my sins as far as the east is from the west. "I don't have to see the man I've been rising up in me again." And songs declaring that it's not me doing the work, but because God is with us I can sing.
On this dreary day, I found my eyes even more clouded with tears and a heart softened as these reminders sunk deep into the dry places. Amen! He does not abandon the works of His hands. And though I am so faithless, He remains ever true, ever faithful, ever good.
So enjoy a little diddy that struck this hard heart today.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
{Happy Christmas}
What a beautiful Christmas morning. Snow covered ground, the pitter patter of little feet next door, Livia snoozing upstairs, Maizy lounging by my side, and peaceful thoughts lingering in my bed. It's a good day.
My heart was burdened yesterday with thoughts of those who would be spending Christmas alone, in the absence of someone, or in the void of having no one. I'm house sitting a mere few minutes drive from my own home, where it's bustling with Christmas cheer. I choose to hang over here, with Maizy, in the quiet (and endless NetFlix). But my thoughts continue to go to those who are lonely these days.
I pray, that on this day, you know the hope that was brought to US in the form of a baby, the reason we even celebrate. I pray that in the midst of your loneliness the Messiah, Jesus Christ, meets you and gives you peace. He knows our need and to our weakness is no stranger. I can say this with the utmost confidence because I have been met by Him in my lowly estate. He is called Emmanuel, God with us. He is with you dear one! I pray that this truth brings your heart great comfort today, in the midst of your loss, in the midst of your pain, in the midst of your sorrow, in the midst of your lack. God is with you.
Yes, it is a truth of long ago, but it remains true today. God is still with us. God still sees. And He is still deeply concerned. When you feel like no one sees you in the midst of your despair, please know that He does. And it is through this one that we call Prince of Peace, who didn't stay a baby but grew to die for the sins of a wayward people, that we ourselves can be reconciled to God, brought into eternal peace with God Himself!
My friends, that is good news. That is reason to rejoice. Yes, rejoice! Even in your loneliness, in your despair, in your grief. Because we who were once far off, have now been brought near. We who were enemies are now called sons and daughters of The Most High God! So though you suffer now for a little while, if your trust is in Him alone, it will not last forever. This is a promise from Our Great God that we can take to the bank!
Have a Happy Christmas, because Christ, Our King has come!
My heart was burdened yesterday with thoughts of those who would be spending Christmas alone, in the absence of someone, or in the void of having no one. I'm house sitting a mere few minutes drive from my own home, where it's bustling with Christmas cheer. I choose to hang over here, with Maizy, in the quiet (and endless NetFlix). But my thoughts continue to go to those who are lonely these days.
I pray, that on this day, you know the hope that was brought to US in the form of a baby, the reason we even celebrate. I pray that in the midst of your loneliness the Messiah, Jesus Christ, meets you and gives you peace. He knows our need and to our weakness is no stranger. I can say this with the utmost confidence because I have been met by Him in my lowly estate. He is called Emmanuel, God with us. He is with you dear one! I pray that this truth brings your heart great comfort today, in the midst of your loss, in the midst of your pain, in the midst of your sorrow, in the midst of your lack. God is with you.
Yes, it is a truth of long ago, but it remains true today. God is still with us. God still sees. And He is still deeply concerned. When you feel like no one sees you in the midst of your despair, please know that He does. And it is through this one that we call Prince of Peace, who didn't stay a baby but grew to die for the sins of a wayward people, that we ourselves can be reconciled to God, brought into eternal peace with God Himself!
My friends, that is good news. That is reason to rejoice. Yes, rejoice! Even in your loneliness, in your despair, in your grief. Because we who were once far off, have now been brought near. We who were enemies are now called sons and daughters of The Most High God! So though you suffer now for a little while, if your trust is in Him alone, it will not last forever. This is a promise from Our Great God that we can take to the bank!
Have a Happy Christmas, because Christ, Our King has come!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Reflections of a 28 year old
December 19th was my 28th birthday. I don't remember as a teenager ever thinking about what 28 would look like for me. 25?yes. 30? yes But never 28. I'm sure at some point when I was 18 I thought in 10 years I would be 28 and shrinked at the thought. But here we are, 10 years later.
I had never had a birthday party. With it being so close to Christmas there just wasn't ever a good time for a party. I had dinners. I had presents. I had songs. But never a party, for me, with all my friends. (If you remember me having a party please let me know. I even asked my mom, who also didn't recall me ever having a party.) But this year, this completion of the 28th year of my life, some dear friends decided to throw me a party!
And when looked at through that lens alone, it could seem pretty bleak. It could seem really disappointing. It could seem like failure. But here's what I also didn't plan. I didn't plan on finding such amazing friendships that feel more like family. I didn't plan on going to the deepest pit of despair only to be met by My Savior holding me up so that I would not fall. I didn't plan on loving HIM more than anything else in life. I didn't plan on being apart of such an astounding community of believers that challenge me along the journey. I also didn't plan on learning from each heartbreak, healing from each wound, growing from each set back. And I surely didn't plan on teaching a classroom of 27 kiddos that aren't my own.
But this, this is the adventure! This is the discovering who I am, who He is making me to be! This waiting (today :) ) is the fun part. When those things that I planned so meticulously for eventually come about, Lord willing, I will, in some respect know what's next. Marriage, a home, kids, missions, grandkids,.... there's a pattern. But this, this not knowing, this unplanned time; as heart wrenching as it is when another friend gets married or has a child or any other barrage of things I desire, it's also exciting because who knows what's next. It could literally be anything!
Tonight at a sisters reunion a friend told the story of an elderly woman who had recently become a widow. She said that this woman no longer knew who she was if she wasn't this man's wife. I couldn't help but find a small sense of hope in that. That by being single these 28 years, I am discovering who I am apart from someone else.
So, at 28, I'm choosing not to look at all I don't have. I'm instead looking at all the Lord has blessed me with and anticipating the excitement that is yet to come!
I had never had a birthday party. With it being so close to Christmas there just wasn't ever a good time for a party. I had dinners. I had presents. I had songs. But never a party, for me, with all my friends. (If you remember me having a party please let me know. I even asked my mom, who also didn't recall me ever having a party.) But this year, this completion of the 28th year of my life, some dear friends decided to throw me a party!
I loved every bit of it. From the decor, to the food, to the gifts, to the worlds colliding, to the laughter and singing! Perfect! I could not have asked for a better introduction into my 29th year of life. To make up for the birthday parties that I lacked my dear friends sang to me 28 times, each time just a little different. I felt completely and totally loved.
Considering that 25 was not what I thought it would be like. 28 surely is nothing I expected either. According to the plan I made in high school, for some future planning class, by 28 I would have been married for 3 or 4 years working on baby 2, being a stay at home mom in my sweet little subdivision. Oh how reality hits when I think about that plan. Because the reality is, I'm 28, with a short string of failed relationships, living with my parents, and entering a job that holds inevitable chaos.
 |
| (Kate on the air mandolin) |
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| (Emily on the air guitar) |
And when looked at through that lens alone, it could seem pretty bleak. It could seem really disappointing. It could seem like failure. But here's what I also didn't plan. I didn't plan on finding such amazing friendships that feel more like family. I didn't plan on going to the deepest pit of despair only to be met by My Savior holding me up so that I would not fall. I didn't plan on loving HIM more than anything else in life. I didn't plan on being apart of such an astounding community of believers that challenge me along the journey. I also didn't plan on learning from each heartbreak, healing from each wound, growing from each set back. And I surely didn't plan on teaching a classroom of 27 kiddos that aren't my own.
But this, this is the adventure! This is the discovering who I am, who He is making me to be! This waiting (today :) ) is the fun part. When those things that I planned so meticulously for eventually come about, Lord willing, I will, in some respect know what's next. Marriage, a home, kids, missions, grandkids,.... there's a pattern. But this, this not knowing, this unplanned time; as heart wrenching as it is when another friend gets married or has a child or any other barrage of things I desire, it's also exciting because who knows what's next. It could literally be anything!
Tonight at a sisters reunion a friend told the story of an elderly woman who had recently become a widow. She said that this woman no longer knew who she was if she wasn't this man's wife. I couldn't help but find a small sense of hope in that. That by being single these 28 years, I am discovering who I am apart from someone else.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I Will Yet Praise Him
"I will yet praise Him. My Great Redeemer. I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life. He takes my darkness and He turns it into light. I will yet praise Him, My Lord, My God."
When I think about this blog I think about the people who read it. The way they might interpret my words because they do not hear my voice. I think of the honesty I try to portray here. And yet, I often hold back, only sharing the good. Only sharing that with which I have already processed and feel free to now share with others.
Tonight though, heavy hearted, yet longing to praise Him, I want to be transparent, even in the midst of the hurt, frustration, and pain. Why you ask? Why put all of that out there for the world to read? Well, because I want to praise Him. I want to give Him glory with my life. And this happens to be an avenue that He has allowed me to enter into, that I enjoy and that in some miraculous way transforms the mundane in my life to share the truth of a life lived in the Light of Him.
As many of you know I have recently accepted a job teaching 3rd grade. Teaching:: a battle that I have fought against for a few years. The idea of stepping into this class of 27 students in
January was thrilling both in a bad way and a good way. Immediately anxieties arose of capabilities, insecurities, and failures. At the same time though there were also true feelings of joy! Joy for teaching. Something I had not experienced in 2 years. There was a sense of caving. This wall I'd held against teaching was crumbling and I was entering a new chapter of excitement and anticipation over a career I had quit on.
January was thrilling both in a bad way and a good way. Immediately anxieties arose of capabilities, insecurities, and failures. At the same time though there were also true feelings of joy! Joy for teaching. Something I had not experienced in 2 years. There was a sense of caving. This wall I'd held against teaching was crumbling and I was entering a new chapter of excitement and anticipation over a career I had quit on.
In the days that followed my accepting the job, there was much joy and celebration as there should have been, given that we (new community and old) had been praying for this for nearly 2 years. I was hesitant. Skiddish, if you will. There have been way too many disappointments, broken promises, reneges, for me to take the bit and run with it, so I maintained some semblance of composure. Not allowing myself to fully rejoice, believing somehow that the bottom would drop, as it had in the past.
Today, Thursday, was the day. The day I could walk away, smiling, shouting, celebrating completely AFTER I signed the contract. This one little piece of paper. This one black line.
Finding parking in construction filled downtown St. Louis is kind of a witch~! None the less, I found a spot, blocks away from my actual destination, with a few scratches in the process. Meter filled. Bags remaining in the car hidden. I walked through cold air. Through the smoke spewing up from the man hole (there was no way of avoiding it). Into this building to sign in and sit. "Where did you park?" She must of smelled me. Darn man hole! "We validate parking, where did you park?" "You might as well go move your car to the parking lot because you have time. Get the ticket and we can validate it."
So I march myself right back out the door. Why bother sitting looking at the wall waiting for Mrs. H, when she's going to be awhile anyway and risk getting a ticket because my meter expired? Back over the man hole. Down several one way streets and there I arrived in a parking lot filled with endless reserved spots and few free ones. Parked. Got into the pee stained elevator. Back into the cold. Ughggg I hate the cold.
Staring at the wall, I was called in to wait more on Mrs. H. "Fill out this paper work." I kind of pride myself on doing what I'm told. So, in a quite room I sat filling out my paper work. Seemingly giving the same information a thousand times only in a different format. Race: other. I hate checking other. But I've been told to refile a sheet for checking both black and white, so I do what I'm told and check other. SSN, Phone, address. Over and over.
Then I come to a sheet that has many words all saying the same thing reworded each time. You will not be employed as a teacher with SLPS if you are not certified. Interesting. I thought to myself. I myself am no longer certified, yet here I am, signing a contract, reading about my soon to be benefits as a teacher with SLPS. Question mark. Place it opposite so I know to ask Mrs. H when she comes in. Where was she anyway?
I had a moment right then of dread. Thinking ugh oh, maybe things aren't going to work out. But I shook them off trying to Perky Patty but Debbie Downer was yelling her head off in the back of my mind. Dang it Debbie! Let me enjoy this.
Finally Mrs. H comes in, destroying the system I had going of the sheets I had questions about. Strike 1. Then she asks me a question and cuts me off before I can answer to tell me this isn't orientation, but I will have to come back another day for that. Strike 2. She was a tornado. I was a Sunday afternoon. Obviously a busy day for Mrs. H. I then bring up the sheet I had placed aside. "Ummm, I told Mrs. C and it's on my application that I am no longer certified. I'm lacking 15 hours of professional development. Is this a problem?"
Mrs. H: "We can't hire you as a teacher if you aren't certified."
Strike 3,4, 5, 6, 7, 8! Why would she offer me a job, congratulate me, and tell me my salary if I could not work for them! Debbie Downer snickers. I maintain my composure. She tells me they can hire me as permanent sub. Gives me back all my disheveled paper work. Tells me I can look over the benefits, though as sub I will not have them (no joke!). And excuses herself.
That's it. Done. Mrs. H, the tornado, leaves me completely destroyed, but walks away as though she has told me the weather is fine. "They can validate your parking out front." She hollers behind her.
Can you validate me?! I want to yell back at her.
This has been a long process. These endless days of seeking something permanent or feeling unvalidated. These hopes dashed and plans thwarted. "Has she not been humbled enough!", a friend prays.
O Lord! Help me to praise you. All I want to do is cry out HOW LONG OH LORD! HOW LONG! How long will my tears be my food both day and night? How long will my hearts desires be deferred?
Though no direct time answers me. Though no apology whispers in my ear. I am reminded of this song, "I will yet praise Him." I am led to these scriptures:
Isaiah 42:1- 3, 5
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior.
Fear not, for I am with you."
Though written years ago, they bring truth and comfort to me today. I pray that God is exalted, I am humbled, and in whatever He leads me to He is glorified in my every reaction.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Middle School
The difference between being in middle school and teaching in middle school:
1. When falling up the stairs, like I did today, I don't fall nearly as graceful and the pain lasts a lot longer.
2. The kids walking by don't point, stare, and laugh. They do however gasp, rush to your side, and ask if you are ok.
I'm still limping around hours later, complaining of muscle aches, headaches, and laughing at my own clumsiness. But I am so very grateful that the humiliation doesn't last as long as it did when I was 13 and that I've finally learned to laugh at myself.
Hope you have a great day!
1. When falling up the stairs, like I did today, I don't fall nearly as graceful and the pain lasts a lot longer.
2. The kids walking by don't point, stare, and laugh. They do however gasp, rush to your side, and ask if you are ok.
I'm still limping around hours later, complaining of muscle aches, headaches, and laughing at my own clumsiness. But I am so very grateful that the humiliation doesn't last as long as it did when I was 13 and that I've finally learned to laugh at myself.
Hope you have a great day!
Monday, November 29, 2010
#70
I met and took a picture with a celebrity and her family! Check out my progress over at Something New!
Pictures to come!
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Pictures are here! Check them out at Something New!
Pictures to come!
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Pictures are here! Check them out at Something New!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
That Love and Hate Tension
I don't know about you but I thrive off of schedules, consistency, structure. I like it. It keeps me balanced and it keeps me taking my vitamins. 5 days of vacation has thrown off my schedule and therefore my life! I am ready for structure again.
It's funny, because I know I just complained that I need a break, life is too crazy, I am too busy, yet here I am complaining about vacation! Ugh! I know.
Here's where I find myself though. I may not like my busy schedule, but I get things done when I have things to do. When I have nothing to do a whole lot of nothing gets done. I hate feeling lazy! I hate being on Facebook for hours on end, neglecting my bible study, watching Netflix for days, eating unhealthy things, being sluggish because the practice of vitamin taking has gone out the window. Hate it! Which I suppose is a good thing.
But as I told a friend today, I found relaxation this week turning into laziness, minutes turning into hours, and joy turning into GRUMPINESS as I thought of all the things I should have/ could have done! Too much of a good thing if you will.
So, I've decided that over the Christmas break I'll be making a schedule for each day. Not anything that is super binding, just something that will keep me focused, motivated, and not feeling sluggish. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving I am thankful for rest but I am also thankful for schedules and good habits and this life of mine that keeps me ever running!
It's funny, because I know I just complained that I need a break, life is too crazy, I am too busy, yet here I am complaining about vacation! Ugh! I know.
Here's where I find myself though. I may not like my busy schedule, but I get things done when I have things to do. When I have nothing to do a whole lot of nothing gets done. I hate feeling lazy! I hate being on Facebook for hours on end, neglecting my bible study, watching Netflix for days, eating unhealthy things, being sluggish because the practice of vitamin taking has gone out the window. Hate it! Which I suppose is a good thing.
But as I told a friend today, I found relaxation this week turning into laziness, minutes turning into hours, and joy turning into GRUMPINESS as I thought of all the things I should have/ could have done! Too much of a good thing if you will.
So, I've decided that over the Christmas break I'll be making a schedule for each day. Not anything that is super binding, just something that will keep me focused, motivated, and not feeling sluggish. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving I am thankful for rest but I am also thankful for schedules and good habits and this life of mine that keeps me ever running!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
He Sets The Lonely In Families
Hello there! I hope this Thanksgiving found you plenty thankful and endlessly counting your blessings. I know it did for me.
This has been an intense year. Coming to the end of ropes and finding grace to keep going, hopes continuously deferred, plans set to the side on a regular basis to follow that which God has called me to. Intense is the word I find. And yet blessed is what I feel.
I have known in the past year the depths God will go with you, the absolute resiliency of the human spirit (only by the Holy Spirit), and the love and support of family. I have had enough and I have gone without. I have been hurt by the imperfections of man and blessed by the generosity of friends. I feel, in this one year that I have truly lived. I began new endeavors with friends and quit some old habits and am none the worse for the wear. I am thankful for each defeat and each victory this year.
No better way was there to celebrate this victory than with family and friends. SO that is just what I did! Relaxing since Wednesday, I accepted the invitation to join a friends family for the weekend and feast with them. It was so much more than feasting. It was delighting in and enjoying! We baked, we ate, we talked, we ate, we laughed, we ate, we played! Oh it was fantastic!
My family is not big on traditions. I somehow got all of the desire for traditions genes and no one to help me express it. I love them. I kind of thrive off of them. So joining this beloved family, in all their craziness and traditions was the perfect topper to my already thankful heart.
How was your Thanksgiving? I hope it was just what you needed to get your heart into a place of thankfulness in this now Christmas season. Blessings!
This has been an intense year. Coming to the end of ropes and finding grace to keep going, hopes continuously deferred, plans set to the side on a regular basis to follow that which God has called me to. Intense is the word I find. And yet blessed is what I feel.
I have known in the past year the depths God will go with you, the absolute resiliency of the human spirit (only by the Holy Spirit), and the love and support of family. I have had enough and I have gone without. I have been hurt by the imperfections of man and blessed by the generosity of friends. I feel, in this one year that I have truly lived. I began new endeavors with friends and quit some old habits and am none the worse for the wear. I am thankful for each defeat and each victory this year.
No better way was there to celebrate this victory than with family and friends. SO that is just what I did! Relaxing since Wednesday, I accepted the invitation to join a friends family for the weekend and feast with them. It was so much more than feasting. It was delighting in and enjoying! We baked, we ate, we talked, we ate, we laughed, we ate, we played! Oh it was fantastic!
My family is not big on traditions. I somehow got all of the desire for traditions genes and no one to help me express it. I love them. I kind of thrive off of them. So joining this beloved family, in all their craziness and traditions was the perfect topper to my already thankful heart.
How was your Thanksgiving? I hope it was just what you needed to get your heart into a place of thankfulness in this now Christmas season. Blessings!
Overactive Imagination
Written 11/20/10 @ 11:45 pm
Fighting Peonies
I just finished “chat and chow” at Cheesecake Factory with some friends. Had Vietnamese Tacos, if you haven’t had them- you need to try ‘em. Yum! But there was even yummier conversation. I love chatting with people who come from all different stages of life and yet finding we have this common thread among us. Simply lovely.
What’s not so lovely however is coming home from that time of sweet sharing to a scratching at your window. That’s right, I came home to scratching at my window!
First of all, can I tell you how weak I feel right now? Walking from the restaurant across the parking lot (Galleria uhg! Awful parking!) to my car was the most nerve racking thing. I was freezing, thank you Missouri weather, and tired and just wanted to be here, at home, but instead I’m hiking across that parking lot ALONE! Lord knows I know having a husband won’t solve these fears I have but goodnight, it would be nice to have a man protecting me from the cool weather and possible lurkers. But I digress. I felt slightly panicked walking to my car. I don’t frequent the mall often, especially not during holiday times, for fear of being robbed. So walking alone had my little imagination creating tons of scenarios where some beastly man came at me and I, a) startled and fainted like these guys, b) gauged them with my key that was clenched in my fist, or c) screamed like mad with nothing coming out. Oh the imagination! So thankfully this little imagination of mine kept me preoccupied and I made it to my car safely releasing the clutch I had on my beloved FREE Coach bag (thanks Michelle).
Listening to my bluegrass music on the way home (my new love!), I felt relieved and no longer stressed over potential lurkers. Pulling up to my house though, my new fear (click here for that story) of popping a tire kicked into over drive and I anxiously parked and headed for bed. Fears behind me, I started taking out my earrings when I heard a scratch on my window. All the adrenaline that was not far removed from previous incidents now rushed back. The sound came again, this time seeming far more amplified. Someone was turning the lock on my window slowly. Except, there is no lock on my window, at least not from the outside. SO, at that point I was pretty grateful I lived with my parents as I rushed upstairs to tell my dad. He sprang out of his sleep saying “That sounds like a challenge.” (How great is that. Ugh I love men being heroes!) SO he skulked around the house looking for a weapon for the potential intruder, while my freshly awakened mom and I cowered inside. He left into the dark to fight returning moments later with a burp. “Peonies”, he said. I’m confused. “It’s the peonies stems scratching against your window.”
Whoops. That over active imagination will get you every time!
Fighting Peonies
I just finished “chat and chow” at Cheesecake Factory with some friends. Had Vietnamese Tacos, if you haven’t had them- you need to try ‘em. Yum! But there was even yummier conversation. I love chatting with people who come from all different stages of life and yet finding we have this common thread among us. Simply lovely.
What’s not so lovely however is coming home from that time of sweet sharing to a scratching at your window. That’s right, I came home to scratching at my window!
First of all, can I tell you how weak I feel right now? Walking from the restaurant across the parking lot (Galleria uhg! Awful parking!) to my car was the most nerve racking thing. I was freezing, thank you Missouri weather, and tired and just wanted to be here, at home, but instead I’m hiking across that parking lot ALONE! Lord knows I know having a husband won’t solve these fears I have but goodnight, it would be nice to have a man protecting me from the cool weather and possible lurkers. But I digress. I felt slightly panicked walking to my car. I don’t frequent the mall often, especially not during holiday times, for fear of being robbed. So walking alone had my little imagination creating tons of scenarios where some beastly man came at me and I, a) startled and fainted like these guys, b) gauged them with my key that was clenched in my fist, or c) screamed like mad with nothing coming out. Oh the imagination! So thankfully this little imagination of mine kept me preoccupied and I made it to my car safely releasing the clutch I had on my beloved FREE Coach bag (thanks Michelle).
Listening to my bluegrass music on the way home (my new love!), I felt relieved and no longer stressed over potential lurkers. Pulling up to my house though, my new fear (click here for that story) of popping a tire kicked into over drive and I anxiously parked and headed for bed. Fears behind me, I started taking out my earrings when I heard a scratch on my window. All the adrenaline that was not far removed from previous incidents now rushed back. The sound came again, this time seeming far more amplified. Someone was turning the lock on my window slowly. Except, there is no lock on my window, at least not from the outside. SO, at that point I was pretty grateful I lived with my parents as I rushed upstairs to tell my dad. He sprang out of his sleep saying “That sounds like a challenge.” (How great is that. Ugh I love men being heroes!) SO he skulked around the house looking for a weapon for the potential intruder, while my freshly awakened mom and I cowered inside. He left into the dark to fight returning moments later with a burp. “Peonies”, he said. I’m confused. “It’s the peonies stems scratching against your window.”
Whoops. That over active imagination will get you every time!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Metal Tubes and Hummingbirds
Written 11/19/10 @ 12:55
I have not done much research on elephants. To be completely honest, I’ve done zero research on elephants. So I cannot be certain that the old saying of someone having the memory of an elephant is totally verifiable. If however this is true and their memory capacity is correlated to their size, then I have the memory of let’s say a squirrel. If I write things down, that is a different story, but simply remembering things such as birthdays, event times, dates, where I placed things, etc….. it’s in one ear and out the other rarely stopping to make a mental note.
Today for example doing homiletics for BSF I wrote an “r” to represent a word in my 10 word sentence. 10 words, that’s all I had to remember. I wanted to mull over this sentence so I moved on to other things I had yet to work on. Literally about 5 minutes later I came back to this sentence resolved that indeed I wanted to use the “r” word. But, as luck would have it, I forgot what the “r” represented. Pondering, pondering, reconcile…no, restore…no, return…no, recompense… no! Ah!!! So frustrating. Time ticking I had to scurry out the door to make it to BSF on time and get dinner. So I freshen up the makeup finding a lip gloss I hadn’t used in while. I wanted to remember to take it with me, and knowing me if I put it down I’d forget it and I had no pockets in my dress. So I did what any scrambling, busty women would do and tossed it in my cleavage. Surely I’d remember a nestled metal tube. So, “packed” and ready to go I run upstairs remembering that I’d been wanting to find that word. So I tossed the challenge to my mom and grabbed a dictionary, explaining that I couldn’t just change my sentence or use different words that got the same message across because I had only 1 allotted space left in my subject sentence. (Any BSFers understand my dilemma!) RECIPROCATING! Found it! Now much later and having no time to stop for dinner I race to BSF! Literally 1 minute to spare. Substitute leader, visitor, lots of catching up to do equals negative memory retention for Angie. So, anything I was hoping to remember is now booted as I have to get into BSF mode and adjust to a different routine. 2 hours of BSF, chatting, then dinner with friends and I’m racing home at 11:30. Luckily, I remember this weekend of all weekends I don’t want to make a pit stop in the morning on my way to breakfast with Beckyboo at the grocery store to be with those Thanksgiving shoppers! Yikes. SO I swing by the store to pick up stuff to make pumpkin muffins. It’s only God’s grace that I remembered that. Getting home around midnight I change into my pj’s and what falls to my feet? Oh yeah, that lip gloss I wanted to make sure I remembered.
Oh and I forgot to tell you when I pulled up to my house I forget how close I can get to the road ties we have. So I realized I got too close this time when it pulled the plastic guard for my wheel well off my car. Awesome!
My little squirrel memory may not be any sort of competition in memory games with an elephant but I’ll take on a hummingbird any day!
I have not done much research on elephants. To be completely honest, I’ve done zero research on elephants. So I cannot be certain that the old saying of someone having the memory of an elephant is totally verifiable. If however this is true and their memory capacity is correlated to their size, then I have the memory of let’s say a squirrel. If I write things down, that is a different story, but simply remembering things such as birthdays, event times, dates, where I placed things, etc….. it’s in one ear and out the other rarely stopping to make a mental note.
Today for example doing homiletics for BSF I wrote an “r” to represent a word in my 10 word sentence. 10 words, that’s all I had to remember. I wanted to mull over this sentence so I moved on to other things I had yet to work on. Literally about 5 minutes later I came back to this sentence resolved that indeed I wanted to use the “r” word. But, as luck would have it, I forgot what the “r” represented. Pondering, pondering, reconcile…no, restore…no, return…no, recompense… no! Ah!!! So frustrating. Time ticking I had to scurry out the door to make it to BSF on time and get dinner. So I freshen up the makeup finding a lip gloss I hadn’t used in while. I wanted to remember to take it with me, and knowing me if I put it down I’d forget it and I had no pockets in my dress. So I did what any scrambling, busty women would do and tossed it in my cleavage. Surely I’d remember a nestled metal tube. So, “packed” and ready to go I run upstairs remembering that I’d been wanting to find that word. So I tossed the challenge to my mom and grabbed a dictionary, explaining that I couldn’t just change my sentence or use different words that got the same message across because I had only 1 allotted space left in my subject sentence. (Any BSFers understand my dilemma!) RECIPROCATING! Found it! Now much later and having no time to stop for dinner I race to BSF! Literally 1 minute to spare. Substitute leader, visitor, lots of catching up to do equals negative memory retention for Angie. So, anything I was hoping to remember is now booted as I have to get into BSF mode and adjust to a different routine. 2 hours of BSF, chatting, then dinner with friends and I’m racing home at 11:30. Luckily, I remember this weekend of all weekends I don’t want to make a pit stop in the morning on my way to breakfast with Beckyboo at the grocery store to be with those Thanksgiving shoppers! Yikes. SO I swing by the store to pick up stuff to make pumpkin muffins. It’s only God’s grace that I remembered that. Getting home around midnight I change into my pj’s and what falls to my feet? Oh yeah, that lip gloss I wanted to make sure I remembered.
Oh and I forgot to tell you when I pulled up to my house I forget how close I can get to the road ties we have. So I realized I got too close this time when it pulled the plastic guard for my wheel well off my car. Awesome!
My little squirrel memory may not be any sort of competition in memory games with an elephant but I’ll take on a hummingbird any day!
Arm Holes and Such
Written 11/9/10 9:10
This evening in preparing for bed, doing my evening routine, I found my arms searching for a hole to slide through in my strapless nightgown. The thought occurred to me “Arms searching for holes in strapless dresses is as senseless as “he” and me trying “we” AGAIN.” Little bits of confirmation go a long way for me.
This evening in preparing for bed, doing my evening routine, I found my arms searching for a hole to slide through in my strapless nightgown. The thought occurred to me “Arms searching for holes in strapless dresses is as senseless as “he” and me trying “we” AGAIN.” Little bits of confirmation go a long way for me.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Quick Visit
Hi. I've missed you and those seem to be the only words I can seem to find to say what I've been feeling these last few weeks without you. I'm not ready to come back full fledged, still pulling a balancing act but I'm learning, and shifting, reprioritizing, and hoping someday soon, I can slip this back into the mix without completely losing balance again.
I do want to share with you, in the short time I have, some thoughts I've been having, some completely random, others a little to real.
I have been longing for heaven recently. In a way I haven't ever before. What that means is, well that finally maybe my emphasis is being put in the right place. Recently, people I've known from a distance have parted this world and I've found myself mourning with their families and friends but internally completely joyful for them as they were believers. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and teared up with her in her description of heaven, of her longing for heaven, of our longing for a simpler life with God. But with that longing has come a new sense of determination to live each moment, to delight in my life, and to share this delight with others. Deep I know, but it's where I'm at.
For something a little lighter, losing weight is a CHALLENGE (not the word I wanted to say, but let's keep it classy!) You may know I've started taking a Zumba toning class. I hated it for the first few weeks and now I find myself actually looking forward to my Tuesday routine. What! I like food, it's brought me comfort over the years but daggum, like many other things I've held on to it for too long and the Lord is breaking those unhealthy bonds. So, you know I rebel, my body rebels, but in the end God is continuously gracious is helping me to overcome this addiction. HONESTY, yikes!
Lastly, y'all this is true victory for me. Sleep is an idol for me. I mean a real idol. I'd much rather sleep than most anything else, but as God is dethroning these other idols in my life, He's not leaving this one standing either. I have been waking up early for....... 8 days in a row now! HEY!!!!! This may seem like a trivial thing for you but sister, or brother, I would love nothing more to stay in my cozy little bed, with those pillows and warm sheets for hours. But with God's help I have been able to get up in the morning, do my bible study, eat breakfast, have my little Honey Lemon, get ready and be at work on time without stress! This is huge for me because usually I'm rushing around the house, spilling hot Honey Lemon on me on my way out the door and totally frazzled by the time I get to work, where I then have to work with 7th graders with special needs. WHAT! If there were ever a job for me that I need to come to work as peaceful as possible it is this!
So there's my little bit of life right now. Little victory, after little victory. Now, I have a 10k to start training for that I've been saying I'm going to start training for for about a month now. Running and I have a love/hate relationship and the thought of even training for this thing keeps me on the hate side. Maybe someday, but today is still one of those "nu-ugh" days. Little by, little friends. ;)
Miss you all!
I do want to share with you, in the short time I have, some thoughts I've been having, some completely random, others a little to real.
I have been longing for heaven recently. In a way I haven't ever before. What that means is, well that finally maybe my emphasis is being put in the right place. Recently, people I've known from a distance have parted this world and I've found myself mourning with their families and friends but internally completely joyful for them as they were believers. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and teared up with her in her description of heaven, of her longing for heaven, of our longing for a simpler life with God. But with that longing has come a new sense of determination to live each moment, to delight in my life, and to share this delight with others. Deep I know, but it's where I'm at.
For something a little lighter, losing weight is a CHALLENGE (not the word I wanted to say, but let's keep it classy!) You may know I've started taking a Zumba toning class. I hated it for the first few weeks and now I find myself actually looking forward to my Tuesday routine. What! I like food, it's brought me comfort over the years but daggum, like many other things I've held on to it for too long and the Lord is breaking those unhealthy bonds. So, you know I rebel, my body rebels, but in the end God is continuously gracious is helping me to overcome this addiction. HONESTY, yikes!
Lastly, y'all this is true victory for me. Sleep is an idol for me. I mean a real idol. I'd much rather sleep than most anything else, but as God is dethroning these other idols in my life, He's not leaving this one standing either. I have been waking up early for....... 8 days in a row now! HEY!!!!! This may seem like a trivial thing for you but sister, or brother, I would love nothing more to stay in my cozy little bed, with those pillows and warm sheets for hours. But with God's help I have been able to get up in the morning, do my bible study, eat breakfast, have my little Honey Lemon, get ready and be at work on time without stress! This is huge for me because usually I'm rushing around the house, spilling hot Honey Lemon on me on my way out the door and totally frazzled by the time I get to work, where I then have to work with 7th graders with special needs. WHAT! If there were ever a job for me that I need to come to work as peaceful as possible it is this!
So there's my little bit of life right now. Little victory, after little victory. Now, I have a 10k to start training for that I've been saying I'm going to start training for for about a month now. Running and I have a love/hate relationship and the thought of even training for this thing keeps me on the hate side. Maybe someday, but today is still one of those "nu-ugh" days. Little by, little friends. ;)
Miss you all!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sweet Friends
Dear Friends,
Thank you for your continued support of my little writings in this, my little corner of the world. As you may have noticed I have not been blogging. My life's pace has picked up quite a bit and I haven't yet found the rhythm. As soon as I do you will be among the first to know.
Know that I miss sharing my life and thoughts about it with you. Some stories to look forward to when I return are:
With Love,
Angielee
Thank you for your continued support of my little writings in this, my little corner of the world. As you may have noticed I have not been blogging. My life's pace has picked up quite a bit and I haven't yet found the rhythm. As soon as I do you will be among the first to know.
Know that I miss sharing my life and thoughts about it with you. Some stories to look forward to when I return are:
- Perfectly Timed "Ghost" of My Past (Happy Halloween btw)
- Another Year, Another Move?
- New Hobbies and Such
With Love,
Angielee
Monday, October 18, 2010
Link Love.
Don't you just love that little radio at Decor8!
Found this over at My Favorite Things.
This reminded me of working at Eugene Field and doing our Gross Grub day for Halloween.
Pretty gross Eye Ball Cookies huh?! Oh but the kids love it.
And I just kind of love the dramatic affect of this.
A Black Rose Wreath hanging from your door. It says Halloween without SCREAMING it.
Know what I mean?
Have a great one!
Any Better?
Today I was left with few words, many tears, and much love.
I'm leaving Hannibal in a few moments and suprisingly my heart aches. I have felt more and more that St. Louis has been becoming my home, a place I can see myself building a life. The place I am choosing to build my life right now. Yet, the ache is still here.
Buildings have changed. Children have grown up. New people have come. But I still call this place home. As I think about it though, it's not the place at all. It's the people. I still call these people home.
Bumping into friendly faces in the crowd. Spotting old friends from across the crowded street. Nothing to do with the place, everything to do with the people.
My heart aches because some friendships are not like they were. My heart aches because some friendships are exactly as they were. My heart aches because though we are only 100 miles away I feel as though I live on another plant.
I've missed the women who have invested in my life, teaching me how to make sweet tea, showing me what it takes to be a good wife, allowing me to see the messiness of life. I miss the men who have been Godly examples, men who have made me laugh histarically, men who have taught me the truth of God' word.
I miss my dear friends that are far more appropriately labled family. I miss my sister. I miss watching her children grow up, hearing what the Lord is doing in her family, getting coffee and munching on scones.
But as much as I miss them all already. I have also come to love the people God has placed in my life in St. Louis, the people I am beginning to really call family, my home.
I'm again learning from brilliant women just no accents to listen through. I'm laughing with their families. I'm teaching their children. I'm gaining more sisters and brothers. I'm drinking coffee, eating pumpkin bread, and making sweet tea.
That makes this leaving a little less hard. It has been a sweet weekend treasuring all I love about this place. And it will be a sweet week treasuring all I love in my new home.
I have been blessed beyond measure to feel so much love in 2 places that are worlds apart. I love each of these people deeply and I am loved by them. Can life get any better than this?
I'm leaving Hannibal in a few moments and suprisingly my heart aches. I have felt more and more that St. Louis has been becoming my home, a place I can see myself building a life. The place I am choosing to build my life right now. Yet, the ache is still here.
Buildings have changed. Children have grown up. New people have come. But I still call this place home. As I think about it though, it's not the place at all. It's the people. I still call these people home.
Bumping into friendly faces in the crowd. Spotting old friends from across the crowded street. Nothing to do with the place, everything to do with the people.
My heart aches because some friendships are not like they were. My heart aches because some friendships are exactly as they were. My heart aches because though we are only 100 miles away I feel as though I live on another plant.
I've missed the women who have invested in my life, teaching me how to make sweet tea, showing me what it takes to be a good wife, allowing me to see the messiness of life. I miss the men who have been Godly examples, men who have made me laugh histarically, men who have taught me the truth of God' word.
I miss my dear friends that are far more appropriately labled family. I miss my sister. I miss watching her children grow up, hearing what the Lord is doing in her family, getting coffee and munching on scones.
But as much as I miss them all already. I have also come to love the people God has placed in my life in St. Louis, the people I am beginning to really call family, my home.
I'm again learning from brilliant women just no accents to listen through. I'm laughing with their families. I'm teaching their children. I'm gaining more sisters and brothers. I'm drinking coffee, eating pumpkin bread, and making sweet tea.
That makes this leaving a little less hard. It has been a sweet weekend treasuring all I love about this place. And it will be a sweet week treasuring all I love in my new home.
I have been blessed beyond measure to feel so much love in 2 places that are worlds apart. I love each of these people deeply and I am loved by them. Can life get any better than this?
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Friendly Friday
Overwhelmed. That's how I'm feeling today. Yes, overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness and His miraculous provision in my life but also simply overwhelmed by the business of my life right now. Maybe it's just after unemployment doing much of anything seems like a packed day but maybe not. Maybe I am just busy.
The things I'm apart of, I feel like I'm called to and they are things I want to do. My job, BSF, tutoring, babysitting, organizing, house church, church, Mrs. Brown. So to cut these things is an impossibility. To add more hours to my day is an impossibility. Maybe I simply need to become more efficient, therefore more effective? Hmmm... things I can cut; Thursday night T.V. (the only night I'm home to watch it), Facebook, Blogging. It breaks my heart to think of not blogging. Yeah, that's about it.
I bet you are wondering where the "Friendly Friday" part comes in huh?
Well, today I simply commend you mothers out there! I don't know how in the world you do it. My life is busy but some of you are involved in just as many things as I am and still find time to raise a family and encourage your husbands. I came home today completely exhausted. I cannot imagine coming home exhausted to a family that needs me. By the time I come home now as a single woman I feel like I have nothing left to give which is ok most days because there is no one awake to give to.
I was told, partially jokingly, the other day that I wasn't married because I was so stubborn and unwelcoming in the mornings. I was slightly offended but too stubborn to show it. But both are true. Today I am so grateful that I'm not married, today my heart feels both the pain and relief of the thought of never being married, of never having children. Today I'm reveling in my ability to be completely tired. To be at the end of my rope. To rest in my pity party. Because I know if and when that chapter is ever started all of that will be gone. I will be continually moving in auto pilot, never having enough sleep, always giving, never being able to say woe is me.
So, to you moms out there who are the real deal, know that simply looking at your life exhausts me but also inspires me. You make me appreciate my time, you help me extend my rope, and you pull me out of my pity party and back into reality. I pray for your strength, endurance, and patience. And I pray that I will have it someday.
The things I'm apart of, I feel like I'm called to and they are things I want to do. My job, BSF, tutoring, babysitting, organizing, house church, church, Mrs. Brown. So to cut these things is an impossibility. To add more hours to my day is an impossibility. Maybe I simply need to become more efficient, therefore more effective? Hmmm... things I can cut; Thursday night T.V. (the only night I'm home to watch it), Facebook, Blogging. It breaks my heart to think of not blogging. Yeah, that's about it.
I bet you are wondering where the "Friendly Friday" part comes in huh?
Well, today I simply commend you mothers out there! I don't know how in the world you do it. My life is busy but some of you are involved in just as many things as I am and still find time to raise a family and encourage your husbands. I came home today completely exhausted. I cannot imagine coming home exhausted to a family that needs me. By the time I come home now as a single woman I feel like I have nothing left to give which is ok most days because there is no one awake to give to.
I was told, partially jokingly, the other day that I wasn't married because I was so stubborn and unwelcoming in the mornings. I was slightly offended but too stubborn to show it. But both are true. Today I am so grateful that I'm not married, today my heart feels both the pain and relief of the thought of never being married, of never having children. Today I'm reveling in my ability to be completely tired. To be at the end of my rope. To rest in my pity party. Because I know if and when that chapter is ever started all of that will be gone. I will be continually moving in auto pilot, never having enough sleep, always giving, never being able to say woe is me.
So, to you moms out there who are the real deal, know that simply looking at your life exhausts me but also inspires me. You make me appreciate my time, you help me extend my rope, and you pull me out of my pity party and back into reality. I pray for your strength, endurance, and patience. And I pray that I will have it someday.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Link Love.
I learned to knit this weekend! The very very basics but it's learned and actually in there. My hands are itching to get my own needles and yarn and get to work with newly learned activities of knitting and crocheting! I've been wanting to do this for years and now the Lord has blessed me with brilliantly talented friends that don't mind teaching this often slow learner.
This Link Love. comes directly from Dandee! I couldn't get past all of her awesome stuff and links. Be sure to check out her blog.
But with all this crafting energy going on here it makes me kind of jealous that I wasn't there.
With all this new fabric crafting I'm inspired to do, I've forgotten my first love of making jewelry. But when I look at all of this, I'm confident she's got it under wraps. So darling don't you think?
Then, to tote with some outfit that exists in my imagination's closet.
This fantastic little clutch or wallet, whichever I choose.
And Oh GOSH! I should never browse because guess what I found.
A little spot called The Breadman's Wife.
Y'all know my addiction to bread!
This Link Love. comes directly from Dandee! I couldn't get past all of her awesome stuff and links. Be sure to check out her blog.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Friendly Friday
I sure hope you have friends in your life that make you feel like you are smart, beautiful, and inspirational. Though thousands of miles away, Stephanie still makes me feel like that.
Stephanie is this brilliant woman of God. She currently sets up her home and home school in Zambia, Africa. I'm sure, had you asked her when she was younger if she ever thought her life would look like this, she would laugh, her great laugh, considering it a joke. Yet, this is the path the Lord has led her on.
Our paths crossed only about 4 years ago. God decided to drop this wonderful gift into my lap only mere months before she was to move to AL with her family in preparation for Zambia. In our short time in Hannibal though, I was blessed to see her love her husband, care for her children, and serve her church. She has some beautiful friendships with women in the church, that though these miles span the distance, they seem more attached than ever. I love stalking on Facebook to see messages written between them reveling in their time spent on Skype together. It's sweet.
She is so intentional with maintaining friendships. I'm sure a small part of that comes from simply needing the support from home. But a lot of it simply comes from her heart, her love for people and being truly invested in their lives. She is so invested that there have been many times that she has simply let me rant all about the "woes" in my life, given encouraging words and then ended the conversation without ever venting her own frustrations about life in that new place. But that's just Steph.
She is an amazing listener and gives such wonderful, spirit led wisdom. I know things aren't quite like she expected half way across the world and yet she seems to face each day with joy and a full confidence that God has called her and her family to Zambia, to the Lozi people, to be a light in a dark place.
Stephanie, YOU are smart, YOU are beautiful, and YOU are wonderfully inspiring. Thank you for being such a sweet, dear, friend to me. You are such a blessing to me. I love you from a million miles away!
Stephanie is this brilliant woman of God. She currently sets up her home and home school in Zambia, Africa. I'm sure, had you asked her when she was younger if she ever thought her life would look like this, she would laugh, her great laugh, considering it a joke. Yet, this is the path the Lord has led her on.
Our paths crossed only about 4 years ago. God decided to drop this wonderful gift into my lap only mere months before she was to move to AL with her family in preparation for Zambia. In our short time in Hannibal though, I was blessed to see her love her husband, care for her children, and serve her church. She has some beautiful friendships with women in the church, that though these miles span the distance, they seem more attached than ever. I love stalking on Facebook to see messages written between them reveling in their time spent on Skype together. It's sweet.
She is so intentional with maintaining friendships. I'm sure a small part of that comes from simply needing the support from home. But a lot of it simply comes from her heart, her love for people and being truly invested in their lives. She is so invested that there have been many times that she has simply let me rant all about the "woes" in my life, given encouraging words and then ended the conversation without ever venting her own frustrations about life in that new place. But that's just Steph.
She is an amazing listener and gives such wonderful, spirit led wisdom. I know things aren't quite like she expected half way across the world and yet she seems to face each day with joy and a full confidence that God has called her and her family to Zambia, to the Lozi people, to be a light in a dark place.
Stephanie, YOU are smart, YOU are beautiful, and YOU are wonderfully inspiring. Thank you for being such a sweet, dear, friend to me. You are such a blessing to me. I love you from a million miles away!
 |
| Me, Steph, and Jessica in AL packing up for Zambia |
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Vindicated
Oh, you've read it right. The Lord has vindicated me!
Not to be too dramatic but it's dramatic for me. So you have followed, whether on the blog (thanks) or in real life, my on going story of unemployment. It has been quite the story. Here's the short of it. The job I had last year (SSD) required me to send back a letter of intent. I, the procrastinator, waited until the last minute to send it in, but then didn't because at that last minute my dad was put in the hospital and that was a major distraction.
Weeks later I realized I had forgotten to turn in said letter and called SSD to verbally inform them of my intent. No call back. So I went the rest of the summer thinking I had screwed myself out of a job. Interview after interview, rejection after rejection. Still no job. Then miracle of miracles as the start of school is soon approaching I get mail from SSD explaining beginning of the school year procedures and what all I had to do. What the what! I had a job! So....
I do what I'm supposed to do except one thing requiring a password that when entered would never work. Must be a glitch I thought. I called, got my area changed to closer to home and was poised and ready. Weeks went by, no calls for sub jobs. Hmmm... I guess people just don't need subs at the beginning of the school year. 1 month down. I began thinking this was very strange, but continued to hold out hope. Almost 2 months in and still no calls and I'm still not able to do this password requirement. So, I phone up SSD. Oh what's that, because I didn't turn in my letter of intent I don't have a job! What the what! I don't have a job! So...
I give SSD a piece of my mind, explaining that this would have been something to tell me before sending me all this paperwork I needed to fill out, and changing my area to closer to home. Now I am without a job. "I'll let you talk to the manager." the innocent woman said. So I gave the manager my whole rant about not having a job due to their terrible miscommunication. We'll make an exception the manager says. Yay! my heart cries. Do XYand Z and you will have said job. So....
I do XYZ for SSD and DESE. DESE then tells me that I've done XYZ but I needed to do EFG. SSD is silent. I know there are a lot of letters here but stick with me. So I do EFG for DESE. Oh what's that wrong again. OK DESE I'M DONE. How about that?! I realize now that I only hurt myself there because DESE could really give a RIP about me. In the meantime....
I finally get a letter from SSD telling me I had lost my job. Well thanks, but you already verbally told me that. The next week I get mail saying I need to do this password requiring thing for SSD. I ignore because as now mentioned twice, I'm no longer employed by them.
This week I get a call from HR with SSD. I call back. The woman on the other line, Sarah, tells me I'm no longer employed with SSD because I didn't do required password thing. What the what! I'm not employed with SSD, I tell her in the most unfrustrated voice I could pull together at the time. What the what! Sarah exclaims with me. (Except Sarah used more professional words.) It seems as though in her computer system I am still actively employed with SSD. So sweet Sarah got an earful of my no longer withheld frustration with SSD. Sarah, the angel that she is, spent the day figuring out the issue(s).
Sarah called back today to tell me that I have a job with SSD. What the what! I say. She says I know. Then apologizes for the awful communication SSD has and tells me what I need to do. I ask her if she is for real, if it's official. She laughs and says yep. So what the what! I have a job again.
I should have asked for it in writing. We'll save that for tomorrow.
Oh, thank God for my little life under His grace! ;)
So here's a song for my vindication (that really has nothing to do with my vindication rather just has the word) hahaha, enjoy!
Not to be too dramatic but it's dramatic for me. So you have followed, whether on the blog (thanks) or in real life, my on going story of unemployment. It has been quite the story. Here's the short of it. The job I had last year (SSD) required me to send back a letter of intent. I, the procrastinator, waited until the last minute to send it in, but then didn't because at that last minute my dad was put in the hospital and that was a major distraction.
Weeks later I realized I had forgotten to turn in said letter and called SSD to verbally inform them of my intent. No call back. So I went the rest of the summer thinking I had screwed myself out of a job. Interview after interview, rejection after rejection. Still no job. Then miracle of miracles as the start of school is soon approaching I get mail from SSD explaining beginning of the school year procedures and what all I had to do. What the what! I had a job! So....
I do what I'm supposed to do except one thing requiring a password that when entered would never work. Must be a glitch I thought. I called, got my area changed to closer to home and was poised and ready. Weeks went by, no calls for sub jobs. Hmmm... I guess people just don't need subs at the beginning of the school year. 1 month down. I began thinking this was very strange, but continued to hold out hope. Almost 2 months in and still no calls and I'm still not able to do this password requirement. So, I phone up SSD. Oh what's that, because I didn't turn in my letter of intent I don't have a job! What the what! I don't have a job! So...
I give SSD a piece of my mind, explaining that this would have been something to tell me before sending me all this paperwork I needed to fill out, and changing my area to closer to home. Now I am without a job. "I'll let you talk to the manager." the innocent woman said. So I gave the manager my whole rant about not having a job due to their terrible miscommunication. We'll make an exception the manager says. Yay! my heart cries. Do XYand Z and you will have said job. So....
I do XYZ for SSD and DESE. DESE then tells me that I've done XYZ but I needed to do EFG. SSD is silent. I know there are a lot of letters here but stick with me. So I do EFG for DESE. Oh what's that wrong again. OK DESE I'M DONE. How about that?! I realize now that I only hurt myself there because DESE could really give a RIP about me. In the meantime....
I finally get a letter from SSD telling me I had lost my job. Well thanks, but you already verbally told me that. The next week I get mail saying I need to do this password requiring thing for SSD. I ignore because as now mentioned twice, I'm no longer employed by them.
This week I get a call from HR with SSD. I call back. The woman on the other line, Sarah, tells me I'm no longer employed with SSD because I didn't do required password thing. What the what! I'm not employed with SSD, I tell her in the most unfrustrated voice I could pull together at the time. What the what! Sarah exclaims with me. (Except Sarah used more professional words.) It seems as though in her computer system I am still actively employed with SSD. So sweet Sarah got an earful of my no longer withheld frustration with SSD. Sarah, the angel that she is, spent the day figuring out the issue(s).
Sarah called back today to tell me that I have a job with SSD. What the what! I say. She says I know. Then apologizes for the awful communication SSD has and tells me what I need to do. I ask her if she is for real, if it's official. She laughs and says yep. So what the what! I have a job again.
I should have asked for it in writing. We'll save that for tomorrow.
Oh, thank God for my little life under His grace! ;)
So here's a song for my vindication (that really has nothing to do with my vindication rather just has the word) hahaha, enjoy!
Monday, October 4, 2010
{Link Love}
Is anyone else obsessed with vintage like I am? YES! Need some good stuff? Find it here.
Don't you just adore this floor cushion! I could get used to sitting on the floor with this beauty!
And I just love this little apron. So lovely and light!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Amnesia
i saw a man that looked like you today.
made me miss you.
miss your friendship.
miss your embrace.
miss your voice.
and as much as i don't want to
i remember
and i miss you all over again.
Friendly Friday
Hello October! I really like October. Usually we are in the full throws of Autumn by this time, but this year we are moving a little more sporadically, at least in St. Louis. One day it could be 83 degrees followed by a day with a high of 60. Oh St. Louis. Hannibal isn't that much better. And that's exactly where memories of this Featured Friend come from.
Caitlyn and I went to a small christian college together but didn't really become friends until both of us had graduated and started our careers in education. I was looking to move from my eclectic but crummy apartment and she was looking to get out of hers as well. As God would have it, we had a mutual teacher friend that suggested we talk to each other and the rest is history.
We found this great little spot together that I now lovingly refer to as Wellman House. Those first few weeks of friendship and then moving into together were the best. I remember just sitting on our wooden floors thinking, laughing, crying, plotting. Oh I miss that house. But more than that I miss Caity.
I love that time helps to erase bad memories and enhances the good ones. I know we had some bad times, but for the life of me I can't see past the good ones. Like the night of dancing at the house that turned into a night of weeping, turned into laughter, and then it was morning. Do you remember that?
I simply adore Caity's heart. She is one of the most thoughtful, genuine, caring people I know.
She's a first grade teacher and I think that tenderness comes naturally to her. She is pretty fearless, knowing what she wants and going after it. There were times I'd beg her to use more discretion and she would consider it but in the end go her own way. That's what I love about her. She is so independent. And if there were ever a person that came anywhere near close of really not caring what other people thought of her, it is Caity.
Autumn makes me miss my now married friend. She is a true lover of Autumn. Given any color palate to choose from for any given thing and you could be guaranteed Caity would choose the warmest, most Fall looking colors. She's so predictable, which should speak to her consistency, dependability, and loyalty and not be taken as anything less.
I look forward to the day when my sweet friend and I can get together, sing, laugh, cry, and laugh some more. That day cannot come soon enough!
Caitlyn and I went to a small christian college together but didn't really become friends until both of us had graduated and started our careers in education. I was looking to move from my eclectic but crummy apartment and she was looking to get out of hers as well. As God would have it, we had a mutual teacher friend that suggested we talk to each other and the rest is history.
We found this great little spot together that I now lovingly refer to as Wellman House. Those first few weeks of friendship and then moving into together were the best. I remember just sitting on our wooden floors thinking, laughing, crying, plotting. Oh I miss that house. But more than that I miss Caity.
I love that time helps to erase bad memories and enhances the good ones. I know we had some bad times, but for the life of me I can't see past the good ones. Like the night of dancing at the house that turned into a night of weeping, turned into laughter, and then it was morning. Do you remember that?
I simply adore Caity's heart. She is one of the most thoughtful, genuine, caring people I know.
She's a first grade teacher and I think that tenderness comes naturally to her. She is pretty fearless, knowing what she wants and going after it. There were times I'd beg her to use more discretion and she would consider it but in the end go her own way. That's what I love about her. She is so independent. And if there were ever a person that came anywhere near close of really not caring what other people thought of her, it is Caity.
Autumn makes me miss my now married friend. She is a true lover of Autumn. Given any color palate to choose from for any given thing and you could be guaranteed Caity would choose the warmest, most Fall looking colors. She's so predictable, which should speak to her consistency, dependability, and loyalty and not be taken as anything less.
I look forward to the day when my sweet friend and I can get together, sing, laugh, cry, and laugh some more. That day cannot come soon enough!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Go Ahead and Sing Along
Today while driving I remembered the best summer concert! Now on my Autumn playlist, none other than Sara Bareilles. It's ok, turn up the volume and rock out, who made them king of anything?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sadly, this isn't the first time.
I didn't even feel it coming on. I left Weaver Home. Nothing. Jumped out to pick up the gorgeous wooden box on the side of the road. Nothing. Stopped to pump gas. Nothing. Finished pumping gas. BAM! Just like that, there it was.
Waddle to the gas station or drive home? Gas station or sit? Waddle across parking lot or sit and possibly lose? No way will I make it home, so I began the waddle. I felt how ridiculous I looked, so I waddled around to my door, said a prayer and sat. Holding. Swing in feet. HOlding. Get adjusted to drive. HOLding.
Driving home I realized I had to stop by the ATM to deposit my checks from today. That bit of gas just may break me these days. Speeding through yellow light. HOLDing. While I'm at the ATM I think of how much humbling has come to me this year. I ask God to please spare me this embarrassment. I notice the camera on the ATM and laugh at the thought of some person watching me talk to myself. HOLDIng.
Money deposited, I do my usual whip around the machine forgetting there is the mother of all obstacles in a circumstance such as this, the speed BUMP. HOLDINg. Driving through the rest of the unusually rugged parking lot. HoLdInG.
Pulling into my parking spot at home, thanking God , I see the bag I need to take inside on the floor of the passenger side, requiring quite a bit of bending. Oh dear LORD! I prep myself for the dash; open and lock door, grab bag, shut door, and waddle like mad.
Deep breath... I make a dash for it. Door, lock, bag, door, waddle, stairs. Stairs? Stairs! HOLDING!
I get the front door unlocked, which if you've ever been to my house you know what a feat that is, drop my bags and waddle for it.
Just in time. Thank God!
Waddle to the gas station or drive home? Gas station or sit? Waddle across parking lot or sit and possibly lose? No way will I make it home, so I began the waddle. I felt how ridiculous I looked, so I waddled around to my door, said a prayer and sat. Holding. Swing in feet. HOlding. Get adjusted to drive. HOLding.
Driving home I realized I had to stop by the ATM to deposit my checks from today. That bit of gas just may break me these days. Speeding through yellow light. HOLDing. While I'm at the ATM I think of how much humbling has come to me this year. I ask God to please spare me this embarrassment. I notice the camera on the ATM and laugh at the thought of some person watching me talk to myself. HOLDIng.
Money deposited, I do my usual whip around the machine forgetting there is the mother of all obstacles in a circumstance such as this, the speed BUMP. HOLDINg. Driving through the rest of the unusually rugged parking lot. HoLdInG.
Pulling into my parking spot at home, thanking God , I see the bag I need to take inside on the floor of the passenger side, requiring quite a bit of bending. Oh dear LORD! I prep myself for the dash; open and lock door, grab bag, shut door, and waddle like mad.
Deep breath... I make a dash for it. Door, lock, bag, door, waddle, stairs. Stairs? Stairs! HOLDING!
I get the front door unlocked, which if you've ever been to my house you know what a feat that is, drop my bags and waddle for it.
Just in time. Thank God!
Monday, September 27, 2010
{Link Love}
I would be a vegetarian if I didn't like this! Pioneer Woman didn't know bacon was another one of my love languages.
Another sweety I'll be sporting in my hair soon. Thanks to House of Smiths.
And you all know how I love organization! Check this out at Sugar Fresh.
Can you even stand how great this looks!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
My Own Home Sick
Even with help from the Spanx I didn't get the job. Which of course sent me into a bit of tizzy, ranting and raving at God. Thank God He can handle me in my disappointments.
In the midst of my tears I found myself crying over my things. I just wanted to use my stuff. To feel my towels that have been tucked away. To eat from my Asian ornate plates with my squared top utensils. I just wanted to see all of my fall decorations, not just the iron pumpkin I could reach. It's been a year of using someone else's things. It's been a year of looking at mine packed in boxes stacked on top of each other. It's been a year of someone else's home. I'm wanting my own. My own space, my old things.
So I did what any bitter, homesick girl would do. I unpacked.
In the midst of my tears I found myself crying over my things. I just wanted to use my stuff. To feel my towels that have been tucked away. To eat from my Asian ornate plates with my squared top utensils. I just wanted to see all of my fall decorations, not just the iron pumpkin I could reach. It's been a year of using someone else's things. It's been a year of looking at mine packed in boxes stacked on top of each other. It's been a year of someone else's home. I'm wanting my own. My own space, my old things.
So I did what any bitter, homesick girl would do. I unpacked. I didn't take everything out. I just looked. Telling my things I loved them, I hadn't forgotten them, they would not be in there forever.
Christmas Decorations
Fall and Valentines Day Decorations
And I realized maybe, just maybe that's what God was telling me too, "I love you, I haven't forgotten you, you will not be there forever."
Friday, September 24, 2010
Friendly Friday
Autumn always makes me miss Home. The beautiful trees, winding roads, hayrides, the football games. Oh I love the gentle smell of wood starting to burn in those dusty fireplaces. Most of all though, I love the warmth of a home. The dim lighting, the savory smells, the open windows. Ah, it makes me want to cuddle right now.
And it makes me miss B. B's house always feels like Autumn. There is always something delicious being made, some gathering being held. People + Food = Love There has never been a time at B's that I haven't felt completely wrapped in love. She is just a phenomenal person that way. With her sassy red hair, that smile, and those hugs, it's impossible not to feel welcomed and loved.
I think another reason I just love B and why I miss her so much right now is because something about Autumn makes me want to be a little southern. To have a little twang in my speech and to shamelessly drink sweet tea. Well B does it. She can't even help but have that southern charm and she will kill a diabetic with her sweet tea but you wouldn't be able to be mad at her because you'd know she'd made it in love.
God knew what He was doing when he brought B and Jeff together. She, so beautifully and gracefully, pulls off being a pastor's wife. She is so loving, patient, and kind. I'm sure you've seen or at least heard of some pastor's wives that just can't make it. I don't blame them, marriage is hard work, but then add married to a pastor and we're talking a whole nother level of hard. The great thing about B is, I'm sure even as she's reading this, she will always attribute that gracefulness she has to God's grace. She is humble and that is beautiful.
So, B, thanks so much for all your love and encouragement even if from Home, 100 miles away.
And it makes me miss B. B's house always feels like Autumn. There is always something delicious being made, some gathering being held. People + Food = Love There has never been a time at B's that I haven't felt completely wrapped in love. She is just a phenomenal person that way. With her sassy red hair, that smile, and those hugs, it's impossible not to feel welcomed and loved.
I think another reason I just love B and why I miss her so much right now is because something about Autumn makes me want to be a little southern. To have a little twang in my speech and to shamelessly drink sweet tea. Well B does it. She can't even help but have that southern charm and she will kill a diabetic with her sweet tea but you wouldn't be able to be mad at her because you'd know she'd made it in love.
God knew what He was doing when he brought B and Jeff together. She, so beautifully and gracefully, pulls off being a pastor's wife. She is so loving, patient, and kind. I'm sure you've seen or at least heard of some pastor's wives that just can't make it. I don't blame them, marriage is hard work, but then add married to a pastor and we're talking a whole nother level of hard. The great thing about B is, I'm sure even as she's reading this, she will always attribute that gracefulness she has to God's grace. She is humble and that is beautiful.
So, B, thanks so much for all your love and encouragement even if from Home, 100 miles away.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
God and Spanx
"What is this girl about to write about?" I hear you saying it. It's alright.
Today I shoved myself into my Spanx to go to yet another interview. Oh what women do to look 10 pounds thinner! At this point I'm trying to do anything I can to get a job and if looking 10 pds. less, not being able to breath properly, and being slightly irritable because that fat has not actually disappeared than daggum that's what I'll do!
Today, walking up the stairs I was having a little monologue in my brain that I invited myself to. I came in somewhere along the thought of "Alright Spanx you got me today?" rubbing my firm but still round belly. And I kid you not by the time I got to the door I sensed the very real presence that God Himself was saying, "No, I've got you."
I know that sounds so ridiculous right!? But it meant so much to me that God would speak to me in the midst of body insecurities and anxiety over an interview. With these words I relaxed, not much though because let's remember God spoke but I was still strutting my Spanx.
So I walked into that interview, not confident of how my love handles had sunken away, or how well my shirt now fit, but confident of the God who created me. The God who knew me in my mother's womb. The God who has a good plan for me.
And let me tell you friends, that gave me more freedom than those freaking Spanx did.
Today I shoved myself into my Spanx to go to yet another interview. Oh what women do to look 10 pounds thinner! At this point I'm trying to do anything I can to get a job and if looking 10 pds. less, not being able to breath properly, and being slightly irritable because that fat has not actually disappeared than daggum that's what I'll do!
Today, walking up the stairs I was having a little monologue in my brain that I invited myself to. I came in somewhere along the thought of "Alright Spanx you got me today?" rubbing my firm but still round belly. And I kid you not by the time I got to the door I sensed the very real presence that God Himself was saying, "No, I've got you."
I know that sounds so ridiculous right!? But it meant so much to me that God would speak to me in the midst of body insecurities and anxiety over an interview. With these words I relaxed, not much though because let's remember God spoke but I was still strutting my Spanx.
So I walked into that interview, not confident of how my love handles had sunken away, or how well my shirt now fit, but confident of the God who created me. The God who knew me in my mother's womb. The God who has a good plan for me.
And let me tell you friends, that gave me more freedom than those freaking Spanx did.
Your Domestic Handywoman
So, I have a confession to make. Last night I watched All American Handyman on HGTV and I really liked it. I realize this isn't a life changing announcement but I just thought I would share.
I've been in domestic mode for a few months now, friends would probably say I've been in this mode for life, but recently it's been really intense. I mean like wanting to drive a swagger wagon kind of intense. Wanting to make all things homemade intense. Wanting to crochet, knit, and sew intense. Wanting to cuddle babies all day long intense. You hear what I'm saying?
So in watching this sweet little show I was imagining My Handyman and me being His Domestic Handywoman, you know doing all things domestic:
Oh yeah My Handyman so you can install that toilet, well I can clean it. Oh yeah My Handyman you just put together an entire kitchen in 2 hours, well I'll slave over a meal in that kitchen and then clean it all in 2 hours. Oh yeah My Handyman, you can roof a dog house, well I can... well I can't find an equivalent to roofing a dog house...none-the-less...
I so appreciated these men and their ability to do tasks in a home that I just cannot or will not do. So a big thank you to all you handymen out there and a preemptive thank you to My Future Handyman (if only in my dreams).
-Domestic Handywoman (if only in my dreams)
I've been in domestic mode for a few months now, friends would probably say I've been in this mode for life, but recently it's been really intense. I mean like wanting to drive a swagger wagon kind of intense. Wanting to make all things homemade intense. Wanting to crochet, knit, and sew intense. Wanting to cuddle babies all day long intense. You hear what I'm saying?
So in watching this sweet little show I was imagining My Handyman and me being His Domestic Handywoman, you know doing all things domestic:
Oh yeah My Handyman so you can install that toilet, well I can clean it. Oh yeah My Handyman you just put together an entire kitchen in 2 hours, well I'll slave over a meal in that kitchen and then clean it all in 2 hours. Oh yeah My Handyman, you can roof a dog house, well I can... well I can't find an equivalent to roofing a dog house...none-the-less...
I so appreciated these men and their ability to do tasks in a home that I just cannot or will not do. So a big thank you to all you handymen out there and a preemptive thank you to My Future Handyman (if only in my dreams).
-Domestic Handywoman (if only in my dreams)
Monday, September 20, 2010
Link Love
You have got to swing by and hear Stephanie's story. Completely inspiring. And she's funny which is a BONUS!
OH MY WORD! Can you even stand how good these look! Chocolate Chip Cookie Sweet Rolls! What the what! Pioneer Woman completely amazes me. She is one of my new faves.
Oh yes I am. These little satin poppy hair clips are the cutest, easiest things to make. Don't be surprised to see me rockin' one of these this Autumn!
Leave a comment and let me know what you think of my link love this week.
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