That Love and Hate Tension

I don't know about you but I thrive off of schedules, consistency, structure. I like it. It keeps me balanced and it keeps me taking my vitamins. 5 days of vacation has thrown off my schedule and therefore my life! I am ready for structure again.

It's funny, because I know I just complained that I need a break, life is too crazy, I am too busy, yet here I am complaining about vacation! Ugh! I know.

Here's where I find myself though. I may not like my busy schedule, but I get things done when I have things to do. When I have nothing to do a whole lot of nothing gets done. I hate feeling lazy! I hate being on Facebook for hours on end, neglecting my bible study, watching Netflix for days, eating unhealthy things, being sluggish because the practice of vitamin taking has gone out the window. Hate it! Which I suppose is a good thing.

But as I told a friend today, I found relaxation this week turning into laziness, minutes turning into hours, and joy turning into GRUMPINESS as I thought of all the things I should have/ could have done! Too much of a good thing if you will.

So, I've decided that over the Christmas break I'll be making a schedule for each day. Not anything that is super binding, just something that will keep me focused, motivated, and not feeling sluggish. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving I am thankful for rest but I am also thankful for schedules and good habits and this life of mine that keeps me ever running!

Friendly Friday

Overwhelmed. That's how I'm feeling today. Yes, overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness and His miraculous provision in my life but also simply overwhelmed by the business of my life right now. Maybe it's just after unemployment doing much of anything seems like a packed day but maybe not. Maybe I am just busy.

The things I'm apart of, I feel like I'm called to and they are things I want to do. My job, BSF, tutoring, babysitting, organizing, house church, church, Mrs. Brown. So to cut these things is an impossibility. To add more hours to my day is an impossibility. Maybe I simply need to become more efficient, therefore more effective? Hmmm... things I can cut; Thursday night T.V. (the only night I'm home to watch it), Facebook, Blogging. It breaks my heart to think of not blogging. Yeah, that's about it.

I bet you are wondering where the "Friendly Friday" part comes in huh?

Well, today I simply commend you mothers out there! I don't know how in the world you do it. My life is busy but some of you are involved in just as many things as I am and still find time to raise a family and encourage your husbands. I came home today completely exhausted. I cannot imagine coming home exhausted to a family that needs me. By the time I come home now as a single woman I feel like I have nothing left to give which is ok most days because there is no one awake to give to. 

I was told, partially jokingly, the other day that I wasn't married because I was so stubborn and unwelcoming in the mornings. I was slightly offended but too stubborn to show it. But both are true. Today I am so grateful that I'm not married, today my heart feels both the pain and relief of the thought of never being married, of never having children. Today I'm reveling in my ability to be completely tired. To be at the end of my rope. To rest in my pity party. Because I know if and when that chapter is ever started all of that will be gone. I will be continually moving in auto pilot, never having enough sleep, always giving, never being able to say woe is me. 

So, to you moms out there who are the real deal, know that simply looking at your life exhausts me but also inspires me. You make me appreciate my time, you help me extend my rope, and you pull me out of my pity party and back into reality. I pray for your strength, endurance, and patience. And I pray that I will have it someday.   

Wordless Weekends

"Chubbs"

"Chubbs", a name I don't think I'll ever forget. I don't know this student at all but I do however spend most days in the Kirkwood School District working with special needs students. Today I had the opportunity to watch this video with some of my students and was overwhelmed with emotion.

I knew I worked in a district that was intentional about meeting the needs of all students. I was already proud to be apart of that, but to see their commitment to special needs students socialization. Well, that is huge. Having worked in the educational world and knowing kids, I know that special education kids are easy targets. Kirkwood has made it an essential part of their curriculum to teach peace and acceptance. It is evident in the students I work with and this video of David "Chubbs" Stillman. I am truely inspired and encouraged.