these are a few of my favorite things

I adore hanging out with this little guy and his mommy and daddy. I got to do just that minus his daddy today after a day of long meetings. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Though Fall for me is the beginning of normal schedules and the business of life, I also feel like it's a perfect time to slow down and cuddle with those you love. So we did that on this cool end of summer day. He, with runny nose and pajamas, picked out a book, crawled up on my lap, and snugglebugged with me in the kitchen as his momma cooked. We listened to music and he listened to us talk. I love how he shakes his head practicing active listening skills. The kid's brilliant. I may be biased a bit.

He is one of the most precious things in my world and I look forward to more snuggles with him before he's too big and despises the snugglebug. He'll be snuggling with someone else tomorrow though as he watches the Balloon Glow at Forest Park. I love St. Louis in the fall.

I'm also thrilled to bits about Greentree Festival this weekend. If you have time Saturday, swing on by Kirkwood and check it out. Christmas is closer than you realize and who couldn't always use a new piece for their jewelry collection. I'll be there selling some goodies (booth # 203) made by the beautiful hands of the women of Forai. I know they would love your support and I would love to tell you all about the sweet ministry of Forai.

The Sweet Life

This weekend was filled with lots of needed fun and friends. Friday of course my beloved BSF with a yummy trip to Apple Bee's to chow down on wanton tacos! Haven't had them? You must! Then home early to finish a paper for class and to bed for a packed Saturday.

However, when I woke up Saturday, my throat was achy, my nose was stuffed, and my ears were itching insanely! NOOOOO! It's supposed to be so beautiful this weekend but my head will be all foggy with sickness. I refused to let that stop me though. So to Brunch O' Love I went. I'm so glad I did, because it was truly lovely. From the sweet decor, to the great friends, the yummy snacks, and the sweet favors being a white rose and a ribbon rose pin. All things girly and love filled. It did my heart good.

With no time to waste I galloped over to The Bride's to prepare for the lingerie shower. A relaxing event filled with all the shades of red faces can go. From the innocent to the border raunchy. I was glad it was not me opening my intimates in front of everyone. A fun game of naming the gifts left me rolling on the floor in laughter. "Granny No Panties" I laugh just thinking about it.

And then the event planned a year in advance, Janelle's 30th birthday party. With signs pointing the way to various fun events in the house there was no way to lament the passing of the 20's. For the first time, maybe ever, 30 looked appealing for a spunky single girl in St. Louis! F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!

With my foggy head finally hitting the pillow around 1 I thought about the events of the day. The beautiful weather, the windows down, the laughter of friends. I live a great life. Most of it completely unexpected.

On Saturday, in the midst of my gallivanting, I ran across 2 dogs, tongues out and face to the wind enjoying the ride in the front seat of the car. In times like these, when I'm immensely thankful for my sweet life, I fancy that's what I look like. Just maybe not with my tongue out. ;)

What sweetness are you thankful for this Valentine's Day?

I Will Yet Praise Him

"I will yet praise Him. My Great Redeemer. I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life. He takes my darkness and He turns it into light. I will yet praise Him, My Lord, My God."

When I think about this blog I think about the people who read it. The way they might interpret my words because they do not hear my voice. I think of the honesty I try to portray here. And yet, I often hold back, only sharing the good. Only sharing that with which I have already processed and feel free to now share with others.

Tonight though, heavy hearted, yet longing to praise Him, I want to be transparent, even in the midst of the hurt, frustration, and pain. Why you ask? Why put all of that out there for the world to read? Well, because I want to praise Him. I want to give Him glory with my life. And this happens to be an avenue that He has allowed me to enter into, that I enjoy and that in some miraculous way transforms the mundane in my life to share the truth of a life lived in the Light of Him.

As many of you know I have recently accepted a job teaching 3rd grade. Teaching:: a battle that I have fought against for a few years. The idea of stepping into this class of 27 students in
January was thrilling both in a bad way and a good way. Immediately anxieties arose of capabilities, insecurities, and failures. At the same time though there were also true feelings of joy! Joy for teaching. Something I had not experienced in 2 years. There was a sense of caving. This wall I'd held against teaching was crumbling and I was entering a new chapter of excitement and anticipation over a career I had quit on.

In the days that followed my accepting the job, there was much joy and celebration as there should have been, given that we (new community and old) had been praying for this for nearly 2 years. I was hesitant. Skiddish, if you will. There have been way too many disappointments, broken promises, reneges, for me to take the bit and run with it, so I maintained some semblance of composure. Not allowing myself  to fully rejoice, believing somehow that the bottom would drop, as it had in the past.

Today, Thursday, was the day. The day I could walk away, smiling, shouting, celebrating completely AFTER I signed the contract. This one little piece of paper. This one black line. 

Finding parking in construction filled downtown St. Louis is kind of a witch~! None the less, I found a spot, blocks away from my actual destination, with a few scratches in the process. Meter filled. Bags remaining in the car hidden. I walked through cold air. Through the smoke spewing up from the man hole (there was no way of avoiding it). Into this building to sign in and sit. "Where did you park?" She must of smelled me. Darn man hole! "We validate parking, where did you park?" "You might as well go move your car to the parking lot because you have time. Get the ticket and we can validate it."

So I march myself right back out the door. Why bother sitting looking at the wall waiting for Mrs. H, when she's going to be awhile anyway and risk getting a ticket because my meter expired? Back over the man hole. Down several one way streets and there I arrived in a parking lot filled with endless reserved spots and few free ones. Parked. Got into the pee stained elevator. Back into the cold. Ughggg I hate the cold.

Staring at the wall, I was called in to wait more on Mrs. H. "Fill out this paper work." I kind of pride myself on doing what I'm told. So, in a quite room I sat filling out my paper work. Seemingly giving the same information a thousand times only in a different format. Race: other. I hate checking other. But I've been told to refile a sheet for checking both black and white, so I do what I'm told and check other. SSN, Phone, address. Over and over. 

Then I come to a sheet that has many words all saying the same thing reworded each time. You will not be employed as a teacher with SLPS if you are not certified. Interesting. I thought to myself. I myself am no longer certified, yet here I am, signing a contract, reading about my soon to be benefits as a teacher with SLPS. Question mark. Place it opposite so I know to ask Mrs. H when she comes in. Where was she anyway?

I had a moment right then of dread. Thinking ugh oh, maybe things aren't going to work out. But I shook them off trying to Perky Patty but Debbie Downer was yelling her head off in the back of my mind. Dang it Debbie! Let me enjoy this.

Finally Mrs. H comes in, destroying the system I had going of the sheets I had questions about. Strike 1. Then she asks me a question and cuts me off before I can answer to tell me this isn't orientation, but I will have to come back another day for that. Strike 2. She was a tornado. I was a Sunday afternoon. Obviously a busy day for Mrs. H. I then bring up the sheet I had placed aside. "Ummm, I told Mrs. C and it's on my application that I am no longer certified. I'm lacking 15 hours of professional development. Is this a problem?" 

Mrs. H: "We can't hire you as a teacher if you aren't certified."

Strike 3,4, 5, 6, 7, 8! Why would she offer me a job, congratulate me, and tell me my salary if I could not work for them! Debbie Downer snickers. I maintain my composure. She tells me they can hire me as permanent sub. Gives me back all my disheveled paper work. Tells me I can look over the benefits, though as sub I will not have them (no joke!). And excuses herself. 

That's it. Done. Mrs. H, the tornado, leaves me completely destroyed, but walks away as though she has told me the weather is fine. "They can validate your parking out front." She hollers behind her. 

Can you validate me?! I want to yell back at her. 

This has been a long process. These endless days of seeking something permanent or feeling unvalidated. These hopes dashed and plans thwarted. "Has she not been humbled enough!", a friend prays. 

O Lord! Help me to praise you. All I want to do is cry out HOW LONG OH LORD! HOW LONG! How long will my tears be my food both day and night? How long will my hearts desires be deferred?

Though no direct time answers me. Though no apology whispers in my ear. I am reminded of this song, "I will yet praise Him." I am led to these scriptures: 

 Isaiah 42:1- 3, 5

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior.

Fear not, for I am with you."

Though written years ago, they bring truth and comfort to me today. I pray that God is exalted, I am humbled, and in whatever He leads me to He is glorified in my every reaction. 

Any Better?

Today I was left with few words, many tears, and much love.

I'm leaving Hannibal in a few moments and suprisingly my heart aches. I have felt more and more that St. Louis has been becoming my home, a place I can see myself building a life. The place I am choosing to build my life right now. Yet, the ache is still here.

Buildings have changed. Children have grown up. New people have come. But I still call this place home. As I think about it though, it's not the place at all. It's the people. I still call these people home.

Bumping into friendly faces in the crowd. Spotting old friends from across the crowded street. Nothing to do with the place, everything to do with the people.

My heart aches because some friendships are not like they were. My heart aches because some friendships are exactly as they were. My heart aches because though we are only 100 miles away I feel as though I live on another plant.

I've missed the women who have invested in my life, teaching me how to make sweet tea, showing me what it takes to be a good wife, allowing me to see the messiness of life. I miss the men who have been Godly examples, men who have made me laugh histarically, men who have taught me the truth of God' word.

I miss my dear friends that are far more appropriately labled family. I miss my sister. I miss watching her children grow up, hearing what the Lord is doing in her family, getting coffee and munching on scones.

But as much as I miss them all already. I have also come to love the people God has placed in my life in St. Louis, the people I am beginning to really call family, my home.

 I'm again learning from brilliant women just no accents to listen through. I'm laughing with their families. I'm teaching their children. I'm gaining more sisters and brothers. I'm drinking coffee, eating pumpkin bread, and making sweet tea.

That makes this leaving a little less hard. It has been a sweet weekend treasuring all I love about this place. And it will be a sweet week treasuring all I love in my new home.

I have been blessed beyond measure to feel so much love in 2 places that are worlds apart. I love each of these people deeply and I am loved by them. Can life get any better than this?

Wordless Weekends

  

Wordless Weekends

Wordless Weekends

Friendly Friday

Well hello there friends! I'm super excited to introduce to you my new little feature that I stole from a friend over at I'm Just Sayin', Friendly Fridays. I have such amazing people in my life, I love them so much, and I just know you would too.

So I figured to kick start this thing there would be no better people to start with than my very own partners in crime over at Something New.

This year has been one of the most difficult, actually in all seriousness, the most difficult year of my life. Transition is a word I was beginning to loath. None the less there is no other way to describe this year other than a year of major life transitions. Transitions are difficult. Period. But transitioning alone... Now that is pure torture! Thank God that in His sovereignty He knew that I was not the one to be able to handle this major life change alone. So he brought me company in three ladies that were in similar life stages.

In no particular order I'd like to introduce to you the lovely ladies of Something New and 3 of my dearest new friends.

Linda is one of the tiniest yet most feisty people I know. She is ridiculously determined to support the kiddos she works with at Vashon, which is not an easy task if you know Vashon. She is also incredibly thoughtful, intelligent, and great at organizing social events. When I was lost in where to begin friendships, in stepped Linda who introduced me to all her friends and allowed me to tag along to SO many events. It was often awkward for me to be a tag along but she never gave up on me :) Aw "And Linda Too" (that's what we call her) I so very much appreciate your friendship.

Rachael is one of the most beautifully sincere people I know. She is so honest yet gentle in her delivery. I'm sure you know people who are honest but so hurtful in telling you the truth! Ahh! Not this one. There is such a sweetness in her. It's seen in the way she cares for her friendships and the way she maintains them over the years. It's seen in the way she loves her family and those who are like family to her. She loves so deeply and wears her heart on her sleeve. Not in the trample on me kind of way, but in a way that invites you into her life and to know her. I have loved knowing this beautiful friend.

Lauren is the newest to my life. She is such a delicate person of peace to me. Things may piss her off but she always maintains such composure. She seems to flutter into rooms with this beautiful smile that simply puts you at ease. There is this confident air about her, not the stuffy cocky kind, but one of strength in knowing who's she is. She is incredibly intelligent and motivated. I simply love being in her presence. She is such a breath of fresh air!

So that's them. The beautiful women of Something New that have made this something new so much more enjoyable. 

(Me, Rachael, Lauren, Linda)

Apple Pie, Warm Spice, Perfect Temps

I am longing for fall. For rustling leaves of splendid colors. For scarfs, jackets, and flats. I'm longing for hayrides. For warm sweet scents to fill my home. For apple picking, warm colors, and cuddling in throws.

This week I had the divine tasting of Renae's Apple Pie, Starbucks Chai Tea Latte, and God's cool blessing in August. It makes my heart quicken thinking of the joys of fall. It makes me think of The Wellman House. Looking out from the porch, across the highway to my favorite back road canopied with towering trees, leaves chasing the tail end of my car, a stream winding, and pastures littered with animals contributing to the smell of fall.

I miss that little town. What it lacks in amenities though, it makes up in ambiance particularly in the fall, by the river, in the park looking out over the perfect scene with a train whistling in the background. It's pretty perfect.

But maybe this little city will offer it's own beauty this season. Maybe I'll be able to appreciate it more this year than last as a year does quite change perspective. Maybe I'll find some cozy coffee shop with fun little trinkets and sweet graphics. Or maybe I'll find an avenue with welcoming little store fronts and even better treasures. Maybe I'll go to that park and explore a bit. Find a little niche, bring a blanket and a book, dream a little.

Hmmm... maybe.

Freedom in Commitment

Maybe it's just me, but I'm stunned at how quickly time is flying by. Jen, thanks for pointing out that February is shorter which justifies it seeming to be over so quickly, but what is the excuse for March? Seriously! I kept telling myself I need to post an update for March. And low and behold, hello April!
So here we are in April, celebrating Easter this very weekend and the Lord is revealing in my life His commitment to His people.

First, let me start by saying I have been living here for 7 months now and God has not stopped showing His faithfulness to me within that time (and when I look before my 7 months here I have to say in hindsight I am beginning to see His faithfulness there.) In these 7 months I have gone through some emotional hardships, heartbreaks, car issues, and financial issues. It has been a 7 months that I know someday I'll be able to look back on fondly and today is one of those days.

So, let me just update you quickly with what has most recently been in the forefront of my mind and prayers. My own financial situation coupled with Freedom School's. Many of you, I'm sure, have no idea what I'm talking about seeing as though we rarely e-talk, much less face to face. But we'll catch up, all in due time. :)

My own issues: Y'all, I did not know where the money was going to come from this month and was already stressed for paying bills coming next month. As I had figured I would be hundreds of dollars short. Don't you know that some how money stretched from last month over to this month to cover the gap and now money (that wasn't even there to start with) has stretched from this month to cover next month? And I got a pay check that was hundreds of dollars more than what I normally get paid. I told the Lord, you are going to have to miraculously provide this money because if you don't I'm done for. He has provided! Thank God that He doesn't work within the confines of my faith!

Freedom School: Ministry with the church I'm attending, New City Fellowship, that I'll soon be subbing at, hoping to get on full time. Freedom School deficit $90,000. That seemed like an insurmountable amount of money to me of little faith. We were told of this deficit just weeks before I am to start subbing there and my natural inclination is to RUN! Run to a place I "know" is financially stable and will be able to pay me on time because I'm dealing with my own financial stuff, right. Just last night we were told that God's people had gathered $195,000 for Freedom School! What?!?!?! He has provided!

My friends, those of you who really know me, know that I came to STL kicking and screaming and faith is not a spiritual gift of mine. Let me just tell you that God is beginning a visible work in me in this area. He has led me to every situation, where in my own strength there was NO way of anything good coming from the mess, but when I recognized that and called on Him , He has been faithful to meet the need. Not only monetarily but I've seen in it in my own emotions, my spiritual life, my mental life, His work around the world, His work in a lost person's life.

I have seen, the commitment God has made with His people. In this season of Easter isn't that what we are celebrating? God's commitment, even to sacrifice His own Son, so that we might be reconciled to Him, through Jesus' death and resurrection. Isn't that our hope? That God has so bound Himself to us that through these trials that we go through, He is working out goodness and righteousness in and through us. And that because of His power that is now at work in me through the Holy Spirit, I have freedom to love the "unlovable", to freely give to the orphan and the widow, to come alongside the prostitute, and to live among the poor and oppressed. He is committed to do good, even when my faith is the weakest of weak, when my joy is depleted, and I want to go Home. Thank God for His commitment!

6 months

So... I've been here 6 months today. I am alive and doing well. The Lord is stretching and growing me in areas I expected but in ways I could not have anticipated. There are some new ministries coming into focus for me that I'm sure I will be sharing with you as things become clearer. Real friendships are blossoming, roots are digging in, and I feel the groove coming.
I've deleted the number vowing to give in and let go. I've thought better of thinking. And I'm relearning to hope.
Ya, I'd say at 6 months things are getting better. The here and there of me are learning to coexist happily. Ya,....happily.

Lovely Moments

So... inspired by my last post 5 minutes ago. I wanted to make a list of lovely moments I've had the chance to embrace.

watching the sunset in VA
first kiss
watching planes land at dusk
a walk in the park
hand in hand
a kiss on the head
a walk in the rain
a song made for me
piano melody in a coffee shop
laughing till tears
birth of first niece
4 course meal in Italy
looking out at the vineyards
knees to the earth looking up at the mountains
drives to nowhere
princess palaces
snow angels
washing feet
kisses covered floor
prayer
comforted by dearest friends
realizing love
dozing with sleeping baby
standing at Niagara
reconnecting with friends
realizing home
real worship

The Best and Worse

In honor of Valentine's Day I thought a bit about the few dates I've been on in my few years. There really aren't many OK dates for me. If they were good, they were really good. If they were bad, they were really bad. Here are a few that made the lists.

Best:
A day doing things I wanted to do. From early in the morning until late at night. Which included him taking me shopping for him. I got to dress him up in whatever I wanted. Great fun!

Worst:
After spending about an hour shoveling my car out of the snow I met a guy at a nasty Chinese buffet (should have known then), to find him already eating. When I sat down they brought a plate of frog legs(!) for him. Then conversation was completely lacking. But worse when we got to the counter he made no reach for his wallet. I paid! DEAL BREAKER!

Best:
A dinner with friends, one being an extraordinary chef. Good conversation. Watching a little t.v., then a nice drive checking out houses, and more good conversation.

Worst:
A l-o-n-g time ago. A movie I never saw the title of. A guy I never talked to again. And a "punch" in the neck . Enough said.

Best:
A funeral. Coffee. A walk. A talk.

What I've come to realize is none of these dates are extraordinarily great. It's just the people I was with that made the difference.

And Here We Are Again

So I visited my lovely escape. Before leaving the city I made myself set up alarms, calling me back. After an always exciting stay I hesitantly left knowing my alarms would be waiting for me, checking to make sure I came back to reality. How I'd rather be there with you my sweet escape. And here we are again...

Both In One

One is there.
Another here.
Will there ever be
both here and there?

A bridge to span
the space between,
where I am found,
not confused, rather
convinced that I am
indeed fully there and
fully here.

With no morphing or swaying,
I cannot change you.
Since you are there
be fully there.
And you are here
so be all here.

But I stand confidently
where I am,
where the here and there
will never meet.
I wait for you to find me.
-AngieLee

My attempt at poetry. I really love this piece because it is exactly what I wanted to say and exactly how I felt.

5 Months and Counting

Not to be confused with pregnancy, though this is a birthing of sorts. I have lived in my new home for 5 months now. The time has passed by relatively quickly. In moments I have felt like time was stagnant, like things would never change, like I was without hope. But I find myself at this 5 month mark completely sane and happy. I live in this house which speaks volumes of my sanity. I was just offered the position that I desperately hoped and prayed for. Relationships are solidifying. And I'm finding my groove. It feels like things are on the upswing in my life. Everything I dreamed of? Not at all. Potentially birthing a whole new dream? Definitely maybe.

Foggy Nights

A few days ago a deep fog fell over the St. Louis area. Billboards that usually anchored the city were no longer existent. Lights guiding the path were now a faint glowing in the distance. As I tried to maneuver my way back home I was surprised how lost I felt with this veil of fog. My head lights seemed to disappear in the thick of it. At one point the only car traveling with me vanished as I tried to keep up, using their back lights as point of reference.

It's funny but this scene is exactly how I feel lately. Like a dense fog has shrouded my life. I have lost all sense of direction and the light that I have doesn't seem strong enough to cut through this darkness. I'm traveling alone and the only hope I had of finding my way out has just vanished.

I however can find hope that tomorrow will be a new day and the fog may not have completely lifted but someday, someday, the light will shine and I will find my way again. Until then, I will use the dim light I have and continue this journey though the path is unclear.

The Open Road

I look into my rearview mirror. Nothing but black. It's late and I'm driving to what I now call home. There are no other cars on the open road. Just me and Cadence, my Cobalt. There are no street lights, who needs streetlights to interfere with the stars and moon. But not tonight. Tonight it's cloudy and the sky is dark. I can't seem to move beyond the black behind me. And all that is cutting through the dark ahead of me are two small head lights. It's in this moment alone in my car, whispering my heart's desires to the Lord, hoping He hears me over the engine and heat, that He meets with me.

"But one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind and straining torward to what lies ahead..." Philippians 3:13

Maybe, in the future, living in this sweet town will come back around, but right now what I've been brought to is the city. And He has given me the promise that He will fulfill His purpose for me (Psalm 57:2). So, what I must do is look to the open road ahead of me that has been lit with a lamp or in this case 2 head lights. I cannot see beyond those 2 headlights but with every movement forward more of the road is revealed. And though the road is unknown and scary at times I must put my trust in Him because I know that HE IS FOR ME(Psalm 56:9&10).