*To be read in Paula Dean southern accent, as that is how I'm writing it.*
Y'all! Today was a doozie to say the least. With every new thing that happened I thought dog, this could be my long, depressing tribute to trucks, ticks, dogs, and chicks. Yes, I just went there, but I have to tell you my story before you judge me.
Today, I went to sub at a middle school looking fairly cute if I might say myself. I thought, what 68 degrees, indoors until 2:45 with kids I'm not squirming around on the floor with? Why not wear a skirt, t-shirt, light cardigan (always), and flip flops. Here's why not! Hows about this, I may not have been squirming on the floor but I was squishing in the mud. Today was Special Olympics, a privilege I was honored to partake in, but a little heads up would have been nice. So, with Arctic like winds, a field that has soaked up every last drop of rain and could hold no more, we dashed, sprinted, and catapulted our way through the day. Me in my pencil skirt and flops, flipping mud up the back of my legs, squishing saturated grass between my toes. Oh yes, my friends, this girl went barefoot for a time for fear of breaking a strap off my flip flops. Who knows what little gems lay lurking in those fields but I'm sure my mud covered feet gathered it all throughout the course of the day.
At home, I got a call from jail. Yes, a call from jail y'all where "V" is being held for the next few days. Probation broken, they're looking at 3 years in prison. I'm still waiting for the blood to come back to my face from that one.
Then, as I went to go wash my feet and legs there was an urgent knock on my door. It was the neighbor asking me to help push her car into her drive way from the street. And by help, she meant simply, to push her car into the driveway alone because she herself was pregnant.. So, in a dash I slipped back on my mud covered flops and marched my skirt covered butt to the car. Gathering all of my strength I pushed that Blazer into the spot. I stood up to pat myself on the back when the truck began rolling back on me. No, no, not today blazer, I will not give my life or toes to you today. So I squatted down and girded up more strength and pushed the car back, only to have another car slowly drive by seeing me in a skirt and cardigan pushing a truck. Do these things happen in anyone else's life cause I don't ever hear about it?
After washing my feet and legs I needed to get out of my house after the news of "V" and all the repercussions that would have. I went to Whole Foods, grabbed the necessities, and then sat in my car crying; crying, completely overwhelmed by the darkness, both in the clouds and in the life of "V" and family. I looked up noticing that everywhere I looked around there was bright beautiful sky, but looming overhead, was a dark cloud releasing all of it's pint up water on me. I kept looking thinking I must be seeing wrong, but there arching above the highways was a rainbow. Our reminder that He will be faithful to keep His promises. Yes, it was pouring on me, but I was confident that He would be faithful, even to "V", even now.
Then driving home from a friend's house (after crying to her of course) every road I went down was in the early process of being repaved. The top layer had been removed, making it quiet rough and vibrating my car. At one point I felt myself getting nauseous with all the jostling. But just then I hopped the line and was again driving on a smooth surface. Maybe I over-spritiualize things but it helps me make it through these days. My rough roads, "V's" rough roads, the family's rough roads will come to an end and some day soon we will be riding on smooth surfaces again. Someday.
So there's my little country song for you; mud, blazers, tears, rainbows, and rough roads. You've got the tune, I 've got the inspired lyrics.
Have a good one y'all.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
A True Life Under Grace
Today is Good Friday, a title that seems ironic, yet for those who have believed indeed know that it is good. I went to my first Christian Seder last night. I was told how somber it would be, how bitter everything would taste. I anticipated an evening of realizing the weight of my sin and wrestling with that all night. I am so glad that my expectations were wrong.
As Rick read in Hebrew and English, there were moments of seeing the great sacrifice made on my behalf by the innocent Lamb of God. There were moments of tasting such bitterness, symbolizing the consequential wrath for my sin that Jesus, the sinless Savior ate instead. There were also moments of realizing how unworthy I was to eat the matzo and drink the wine (grape juice) His body broken and poured out for me. There were all of these moments.
But, each of those moments were cut with the sweetness of what had been freely given, no one took His life, but He willingly laid it down so that sinners might be reconciled to God. At one point eating the powerful horseradish I felt the sting in my nose but then the sweetness of the apple mixture, the sweetness of Atonement. I will never have to feel the full the sting of death, the eternal separation from God, because Jesus had mercy and Atoned for me with His life and God accepted that Atonement as Dayeinu, enough. Now, by that payment and my acceptance of that Atonement, I, though I did nothing to earn it, though I don't always feel it, am made righteous and at the same time am being made righteous!
My friends, that is good news! Though, today, Good Friday, marks a colossal misjudgement in human history, it marks the greatest story of redemption ever told. Jesus, Son of God and Son of Man, innocent of all sin, was tried and unjustly convicted of things not one could prove. He was beaten, mocked, scourged, and nailed to a tree, bearing the weight of all our sin. Despised and rejected. Those He came to save, the very ones who hung Him there to die, watched on waiting for Him to save Himself. Instead, with the very few breaths He had left He asked for their forgiveness from the Father, experienced being forsaken by God, His Father, and committed Himself into His Father's hands breathing His last.
But dear friends spoiler alert: THAT'S NOT THE END for if it were, it would be just another sad story of some innocent guy unjustly killed.
They took Him off the cross, wrapped Him and laid Him in the tomb. The Jews didn't declare someone truly dead until after a certain time had passed. 2 days passed, the declaration was made that Jesus was for sure dead. But, on the third day they went to visit His tomb and He was not there! Christ, God Incarnate, had indeed risen from the dead and IS alive. Death seemed to have conquered but Life, Light, Jesus won. And by that victory, because of the defeat of sin by one man, all those who accept Him as Savior are also declared righteous, made right, and made victorious in Him.
So now, we are freed up to be Jesus to the world. We no longer have to worry about the sacrifices we have to make to be right with God, for there are none. The work is completed. Our sacrifice now, is to willingly, like Jesus, give our time, energy, resources, and efforts into furthering The Truth to those that do not know.
Friends, that is grace at it's finest. And that is why I rejoice in living this life under grace!
As Rick read in Hebrew and English, there were moments of seeing the great sacrifice made on my behalf by the innocent Lamb of God. There were moments of tasting such bitterness, symbolizing the consequential wrath for my sin that Jesus, the sinless Savior ate instead. There were also moments of realizing how unworthy I was to eat the matzo and drink the wine (grape juice) His body broken and poured out for me. There were all of these moments.
But, each of those moments were cut with the sweetness of what had been freely given, no one took His life, but He willingly laid it down so that sinners might be reconciled to God. At one point eating the powerful horseradish I felt the sting in my nose but then the sweetness of the apple mixture, the sweetness of Atonement. I will never have to feel the full the sting of death, the eternal separation from God, because Jesus had mercy and Atoned for me with His life and God accepted that Atonement as Dayeinu, enough. Now, by that payment and my acceptance of that Atonement, I, though I did nothing to earn it, though I don't always feel it, am made righteous and at the same time am being made righteous!
My friends, that is good news! Though, today, Good Friday, marks a colossal misjudgement in human history, it marks the greatest story of redemption ever told. Jesus, Son of God and Son of Man, innocent of all sin, was tried and unjustly convicted of things not one could prove. He was beaten, mocked, scourged, and nailed to a tree, bearing the weight of all our sin. Despised and rejected. Those He came to save, the very ones who hung Him there to die, watched on waiting for Him to save Himself. Instead, with the very few breaths He had left He asked for their forgiveness from the Father, experienced being forsaken by God, His Father, and committed Himself into His Father's hands breathing His last.
But dear friends spoiler alert: THAT'S NOT THE END for if it were, it would be just another sad story of some innocent guy unjustly killed.
They took Him off the cross, wrapped Him and laid Him in the tomb. The Jews didn't declare someone truly dead until after a certain time had passed. 2 days passed, the declaration was made that Jesus was for sure dead. But, on the third day they went to visit His tomb and He was not there! Christ, God Incarnate, had indeed risen from the dead and IS alive. Death seemed to have conquered but Life, Light, Jesus won. And by that victory, because of the defeat of sin by one man, all those who accept Him as Savior are also declared righteous, made right, and made victorious in Him.
So now, we are freed up to be Jesus to the world. We no longer have to worry about the sacrifices we have to make to be right with God, for there are none. The work is completed. Our sacrifice now, is to willingly, like Jesus, give our time, energy, resources, and efforts into furthering The Truth to those that do not know.
Friends, that is grace at it's finest. And that is why I rejoice in living this life under grace!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Coming Home
I have a confession that will not be easy to make like most confessions. I have prided myself for years on not being "that" girl. Oh I've owned the crying, the emotions, the fragility, but this, this I have refused until recently. Dear friends, I've been watching Lifetime. Oh I know, I know!!!! I can feel your judgement. Can I just tell you it had an innocent beginning?
A favorite show of mine is How I Met Your Mother, despite the never ending story and the raunchiness of Barney I do really like it. I don't however have time to watch the new episodes so I just watch the reruns that of course air on Lifetime. Then one thing leads to another and that show is finished only then without my real attention moves on to another show. It started with Army Wives and has now moved on to Coming Home. I sit with a box of tissues watching the stories of these soldiers being reunited with their wives and children and my heart aches with them and rejoices for them. I'm a total sucker for it every time!
Sundays I usually forget that my show doesn't come on and I turn there and get caught up watching Coming Home. But recently, I have chosen to turn there knowing my show won't be on, anticipating even watching Coming Home followed by Army Wives. What has happened to me?!!! I've become a Lifetime girl.
But... maybe I can still say I'm not a Lifetime Original Movie girl...?
* I must side note that I have dear friends that are Lifetime fans. To that I say, to each her own, no judgement here.
A favorite show of mine is How I Met Your Mother, despite the never ending story and the raunchiness of Barney I do really like it. I don't however have time to watch the new episodes so I just watch the reruns that of course air on Lifetime. Then one thing leads to another and that show is finished only then without my real attention moves on to another show. It started with Army Wives and has now moved on to Coming Home. I sit with a box of tissues watching the stories of these soldiers being reunited with their wives and children and my heart aches with them and rejoices for them. I'm a total sucker for it every time!
Sundays I usually forget that my show doesn't come on and I turn there and get caught up watching Coming Home. But recently, I have chosen to turn there knowing my show won't be on, anticipating even watching Coming Home followed by Army Wives. What has happened to me?!!! I've become a Lifetime girl.
But... maybe I can still say I'm not a Lifetime Original Movie girl...?
* I must side note that I have dear friends that are Lifetime fans. To that I say, to each her own, no judgement here.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Obsession
Alright friends. As I've told you before I deactivated my Facebook account because I was slightly obsessive about it. I'm discovering I have an obsession with obsessions! You want to know what my new obsession is?
It's Pinterest! I cannot get enough of it. I'm either catching up on blogs, capturing those pictures I love and putting them on my boards or looking at other boards repining their genius. I'm hooked!
It's like when I was younger and I would cut out pictures of all my favorite things except so much easier since I can just point and click!
On one hand I hope you can check it out. On the other hand, for your sake, I'm hoping you don't have an easily obsessed personality, like moi.
It's Pinterest! I cannot get enough of it. I'm either catching up on blogs, capturing those pictures I love and putting them on my boards or looking at other boards repining their genius. I'm hooked!
It's like when I was younger and I would cut out pictures of all my favorite things except so much easier since I can just point and click!
On one hand I hope you can check it out. On the other hand, for your sake, I'm hoping you don't have an easily obsessed personality, like moi.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tid bits
Bike riding in a skirt isn't all it's cracked up to be
Maybe not my most brilliant moment, but yesterday I rode my bike with a medium length skirt going against the wind. I don't know how they do it on t.v. but let me tell you, that's not how it goes and it indeed gets quiet awkward for oncoming traffic and my one handed attempt to maneuver my bike and skirt.
No Not One
I left with a Tupperware container full and returned home with it empty. Filled with what you ask. Well none other than these, which were a hit. I think they might be my "thing" now. Any who, not one little morsel was left. I L-O-V-E that!
I'm a big fan of the giddies.
You know that feeling in your stomach when you're on the breech of something so completely fantastic? The giddies. I got that feeling recently and am looking into a way to bottle it up so I can sniff it when feeling low. I love how we were really are so geniusly made that something that makes my heart skip a beat, my breath catch in my throat, my brain make a billion snap decisions in a millisecond, also effects my toes and tummy releasing a palm full of giddies that well up with in. Oh I love the giddies, but more so I love the moments that create those giddies.
Maybe not my most brilliant moment, but yesterday I rode my bike with a medium length skirt going against the wind. I don't know how they do it on t.v. but let me tell you, that's not how it goes and it indeed gets quiet awkward for oncoming traffic and my one handed attempt to maneuver my bike and skirt.
********** In searching for this picture I actually found that riding a bike with a skirt is not as uncommon as I thought. There are actually blogs and sites dedicated to it. Hmmm.**********
No Not One
I left with a Tupperware container full and returned home with it empty. Filled with what you ask. Well none other than these, which were a hit. I think they might be my "thing" now. Any who, not one little morsel was left. I L-O-V-E that!
I'm a big fan of the giddies.
You know that feeling in your stomach when you're on the breech of something so completely fantastic? The giddies. I got that feeling recently and am looking into a way to bottle it up so I can sniff it when feeling low. I love how we were really are so geniusly made that something that makes my heart skip a beat, my breath catch in my throat, my brain make a billion snap decisions in a millisecond, also effects my toes and tummy releasing a palm full of giddies that well up with in. Oh I love the giddies, but more so I love the moments that create those giddies.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
{When Tails Are Tangled}
I rode my new to me bike to the park today. I sat under a tree and watched the grass wave in the wild wind, birds flying despite the opposition, and squirrels and rabbits playing. It was peaceful. Exactly what I was needing. The twirling pedals up the hills allowed me to get out the anger and frustration gathered through the news of the day- yet again I did not get the job. I needed peace after my pedaling. As I sat there alone in the park I looked up and saw a Star Wars kite with Yoda plastered on it stuck in the branches of the tree, it's tail woven lightly in the sticks.
You know me and my metaphorical mind, I couldn't help but think that little kite was me. I have a purpose, a vision for myself and this waiting stuff, this being stuck up in a tree with my tail tangled in some branches is not what I envisioned. I imagined being foot loose and fancy free, dancing with the wind, and dipping but soaring above it all. I've got the d down but the g , well I'm not so much of a pro at that.
i n
p i
p r
i a
n o
g s
It's been a rough 3 years friends. I can say honestly that the disappointing news today frustrated me but it didn't destroy me. I tell you confidently that this strength is not of my own doing. In fact just moments before, at church, I had been completely broken, tears and all, about my lack of trust when God leads me through trials, my lack of stick-to-it-tiveness, my inclination to shout WHY to God. But here is the miraculous first thing that happened; I read the email, took a deep breath and asked God what now, what do you want to teach me in this time? !!!!!! Y'all that is victory! Cause if you know me, you know this is not my typical first instinct. It totally helps that the ink had not yet dried from my sermon notes and I got to put it into practice.
SO... another door closed, another opportunity for my heart to wallow and fear that the Lord has forgotten me but I will instead preach to myself what I know to be true. He has not forgotten me and is incapable of forgetting me. He has committed Himself to working out His purposes and righteousness in and through my life. And my responsibility now, then, and forever is to do good even when I feel devoid of all resources and abilities. Oh Lord may this be my heart's desire and my hand's actions in and through your power!
You know me and my metaphorical mind, I couldn't help but think that little kite was me. I have a purpose, a vision for myself and this waiting stuff, this being stuck up in a tree with my tail tangled in some branches is not what I envisioned. I imagined being foot loose and fancy free, dancing with the wind, and dipping but soaring above it all. I've got the d down but the g , well I'm not so much of a pro at that.
i n
p i
p r
i a
n o
g s
It's been a rough 3 years friends. I can say honestly that the disappointing news today frustrated me but it didn't destroy me. I tell you confidently that this strength is not of my own doing. In fact just moments before, at church, I had been completely broken, tears and all, about my lack of trust when God leads me through trials, my lack of stick-to-it-tiveness, my inclination to shout WHY to God. But here is the miraculous first thing that happened; I read the email, took a deep breath and asked God what now, what do you want to teach me in this time? !!!!!! Y'all that is victory! Cause if you know me, you know this is not my typical first instinct. It totally helps that the ink had not yet dried from my sermon notes and I got to put it into practice.
SO... another door closed, another opportunity for my heart to wallow and fear that the Lord has forgotten me but I will instead preach to myself what I know to be true. He has not forgotten me and is incapable of forgetting me. He has committed Himself to working out His purposes and righteousness in and through my life. And my responsibility now, then, and forever is to do good even when I feel devoid of all resources and abilities. Oh Lord may this be my heart's desire and my hand's actions in and through your power!
***************
But, did I tell y'all that I'm officially apart of this awesomeness and you should totally come and check out my boards! Very pinteresting isn't it?!
Also, quick side note, I deactivated my Facebook account 2 weeks ago. It has taken me the entire 2 weeks to stop thinking in status updates.--One of the best things I could have done for myself? Yep.
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