Any Better?

Today I was left with few words, many tears, and much love.

I'm leaving Hannibal in a few moments and suprisingly my heart aches. I have felt more and more that St. Louis has been becoming my home, a place I can see myself building a life. The place I am choosing to build my life right now. Yet, the ache is still here.

Buildings have changed. Children have grown up. New people have come. But I still call this place home. As I think about it though, it's not the place at all. It's the people. I still call these people home.

Bumping into friendly faces in the crowd. Spotting old friends from across the crowded street. Nothing to do with the place, everything to do with the people.

My heart aches because some friendships are not like they were. My heart aches because some friendships are exactly as they were. My heart aches because though we are only 100 miles away I feel as though I live on another plant.

I've missed the women who have invested in my life, teaching me how to make sweet tea, showing me what it takes to be a good wife, allowing me to see the messiness of life. I miss the men who have been Godly examples, men who have made me laugh histarically, men who have taught me the truth of God' word.

I miss my dear friends that are far more appropriately labled family. I miss my sister. I miss watching her children grow up, hearing what the Lord is doing in her family, getting coffee and munching on scones.

But as much as I miss them all already. I have also come to love the people God has placed in my life in St. Louis, the people I am beginning to really call family, my home.

 I'm again learning from brilliant women just no accents to listen through. I'm laughing with their families. I'm teaching their children. I'm gaining more sisters and brothers. I'm drinking coffee, eating pumpkin bread, and making sweet tea.

That makes this leaving a little less hard. It has been a sweet weekend treasuring all I love about this place. And it will be a sweet week treasuring all I love in my new home.

I have been blessed beyond measure to feel so much love in 2 places that are worlds apart. I love each of these people deeply and I am loved by them. Can life get any better than this?

Wordless Weekends

  

Friendly Friday

Autumn always makes me miss Home. The beautiful trees, winding roads, hayrides, the football games. Oh I love the gentle smell of wood starting to burn in those dusty fireplaces. Most of all though, I love the warmth of a home. The dim lighting, the savory smells, the open windows. Ah, it makes me want to cuddle right now.

And it makes me miss B. B's house always feels like Autumn. There is always something delicious being made, some gathering being held. People + Food = Love There has never been a time at B's that I haven't felt completely wrapped in love. She is just a phenomenal person that way. With her sassy red hair, that smile, and those hugs, it's impossible not to feel welcomed and loved.

I think another reason I just love B and why I miss her so much right now is because something about Autumn makes me want to be a little southern. To have a little twang in my speech and to shamelessly drink sweet tea. Well B does it. She can't even help but have that southern charm and she will kill a diabetic with her sweet tea but you wouldn't be able to be mad at her because you'd know she'd made it in love.

God knew what He was doing when he brought B and Jeff together. She, so beautifully and gracefully, pulls off being a pastor's wife. She is so loving, patient, and kind. I'm sure you've seen or at least heard of some pastor's wives that just can't make it. I don't blame them, marriage is hard work, but then add married to a pastor and we're talking a whole nother level of hard. The great thing about B is, I'm sure even as she's reading this, she will always attribute that gracefulness she has to God's grace. She is humble and that is beautiful.

So, B, thanks so much for all your love and encouragement even if from Home, 100 miles away.

Apple Pie, Warm Spice, Perfect Temps

I am longing for fall. For rustling leaves of splendid colors. For scarfs, jackets, and flats. I'm longing for hayrides. For warm sweet scents to fill my home. For apple picking, warm colors, and cuddling in throws.

This week I had the divine tasting of Renae's Apple Pie, Starbucks Chai Tea Latte, and God's cool blessing in August. It makes my heart quicken thinking of the joys of fall. It makes me think of The Wellman House. Looking out from the porch, across the highway to my favorite back road canopied with towering trees, leaves chasing the tail end of my car, a stream winding, and pastures littered with animals contributing to the smell of fall.

I miss that little town. What it lacks in amenities though, it makes up in ambiance particularly in the fall, by the river, in the park looking out over the perfect scene with a train whistling in the background. It's pretty perfect.

But maybe this little city will offer it's own beauty this season. Maybe I'll be able to appreciate it more this year than last as a year does quite change perspective. Maybe I'll find some cozy coffee shop with fun little trinkets and sweet graphics. Or maybe I'll find an avenue with welcoming little store fronts and even better treasures. Maybe I'll go to that park and explore a bit. Find a little niche, bring a blanket and a book, dream a little.

Hmmm... maybe.

6 months

So... I've been here 6 months today. I am alive and doing well. The Lord is stretching and growing me in areas I expected but in ways I could not have anticipated. There are some new ministries coming into focus for me that I'm sure I will be sharing with you as things become clearer. Real friendships are blossoming, roots are digging in, and I feel the groove coming.
I've deleted the number vowing to give in and let go. I've thought better of thinking. And I'm relearning to hope.
Ya, I'd say at 6 months things are getting better. The here and there of me are learning to coexist happily. Ya,....happily.

Lovely Moments

So... inspired by my last post 5 minutes ago. I wanted to make a list of lovely moments I've had the chance to embrace.

watching the sunset in VA
first kiss
watching planes land at dusk
a walk in the park
hand in hand
a kiss on the head
a walk in the rain
a song made for me
piano melody in a coffee shop
laughing till tears
birth of first niece
4 course meal in Italy
looking out at the vineyards
knees to the earth looking up at the mountains
drives to nowhere
princess palaces
snow angels
washing feet
kisses covered floor
prayer
comforted by dearest friends
realizing love
dozing with sleeping baby
standing at Niagara
reconnecting with friends
realizing home
real worship

The Best and Worse

In honor of Valentine's Day I thought a bit about the few dates I've been on in my few years. There really aren't many OK dates for me. If they were good, they were really good. If they were bad, they were really bad. Here are a few that made the lists.

Best:
A day doing things I wanted to do. From early in the morning until late at night. Which included him taking me shopping for him. I got to dress him up in whatever I wanted. Great fun!

Worst:
After spending about an hour shoveling my car out of the snow I met a guy at a nasty Chinese buffet (should have known then), to find him already eating. When I sat down they brought a plate of frog legs(!) for him. Then conversation was completely lacking. But worse when we got to the counter he made no reach for his wallet. I paid! DEAL BREAKER!

Best:
A dinner with friends, one being an extraordinary chef. Good conversation. Watching a little t.v., then a nice drive checking out houses, and more good conversation.

Worst:
A l-o-n-g time ago. A movie I never saw the title of. A guy I never talked to again. And a "punch" in the neck . Enough said.

Best:
A funeral. Coffee. A walk. A talk.

What I've come to realize is none of these dates are extraordinarily great. It's just the people I was with that made the difference.

And Here We Are Again

So I visited my lovely escape. Before leaving the city I made myself set up alarms, calling me back. After an always exciting stay I hesitantly left knowing my alarms would be waiting for me, checking to make sure I came back to reality. How I'd rather be there with you my sweet escape. And here we are again...

Both In One

One is there.
Another here.
Will there ever be
both here and there?

A bridge to span
the space between,
where I am found,
not confused, rather
convinced that I am
indeed fully there and
fully here.

With no morphing or swaying,
I cannot change you.
Since you are there
be fully there.
And you are here
so be all here.

But I stand confidently
where I am,
where the here and there
will never meet.
I wait for you to find me.
-AngieLee

My attempt at poetry. I really love this piece because it is exactly what I wanted to say and exactly how I felt.

The Open Road

I look into my rearview mirror. Nothing but black. It's late and I'm driving to what I now call home. There are no other cars on the open road. Just me and Cadence, my Cobalt. There are no street lights, who needs streetlights to interfere with the stars and moon. But not tonight. Tonight it's cloudy and the sky is dark. I can't seem to move beyond the black behind me. And all that is cutting through the dark ahead of me are two small head lights. It's in this moment alone in my car, whispering my heart's desires to the Lord, hoping He hears me over the engine and heat, that He meets with me.

"But one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind and straining torward to what lies ahead..." Philippians 3:13

Maybe, in the future, living in this sweet town will come back around, but right now what I've been brought to is the city. And He has given me the promise that He will fulfill His purpose for me (Psalm 57:2). So, what I must do is look to the open road ahead of me that has been lit with a lamp or in this case 2 head lights. I cannot see beyond those 2 headlights but with every movement forward more of the road is revealed. And though the road is unknown and scary at times I must put my trust in Him because I know that HE IS FOR ME(Psalm 56:9&10).

Where The Heart Is

I found myself waking up this morning between two of my best friends in a town my heart aches for. It's a girls weekend at HOME and I couldn't be happier to be in this place I love with people I cherish.

Driving to the theatre last night I took all the shortcuts I rememebered. This place is beautiful snow covered. Not even the bitter cold could steal away its beauty. Christmas decorations still hanged on the street lights casting the soft glow I dream of often. I passed all the old places nestled in their blankets of snow. The 1504 Wellman house, small and cozy with memories of even our first day moving in, sitting on the floor talking of things we knew nothing about. Oh Caity. My dear friend. Field. A large resort resembling nursing home has been built in front of it but it's still lovely. Though it's 8:30 at night and a snow day has been called I can see the memories we've made. Pictures in front of the tree. The many firedrills. Waiting for buses, parents, friends, anyone to take you so my day could end. What I would give for just one more day with you Field. Java Jive. If your walls could speak, oh the stories they could tell of me alone. Reunions, counseling sessions, accountability, studying, advice, dates, and heartbreaks. If only you could make a scrapbook for me, journaling the memories I've made there as I will ineveitably forget. The post office and my annual visit claiming new residancy. Always moving. Always. But always calling you home. Always.

I sit cuddled this morning in a cheetah print snuggie, the smell of chocolate chip muffins filling the Wellman house, wishing this place was still my home.