Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Failure
Alright friends. Alot has changed over the past few months and I often think of updating the blog but never seem to. When January 1,2010 comes I am going to begin my commitment to blogging. I'm hoping I don't fail miserably. :) Good bye 2009.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Hitler, Christ, and The Secret Life of the American Teenager
Today I ashamedly admit that I spent an entire day watching "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" forgoing even my quiet time with the Lord. Not that I even enjoyed the show but I was interested in their portrayal of Christianity both in leadership perspective and in the follower perspective. As I spent hour after hour watching mindlessly I began to think. There was once a question posed to me does the media portray society or does society portray the media?
As I sat and watched the characters on the show struggling with death, pregnancy, premarital sex, drinking, and drugs I thought about how neither of those questions were the primary concern here. Let me just share with you my thoughts and we'll see how this all connects together.
The writers for this show had to get their ideas from somewhere. This is where fiction comes from; real life events manipulated by the imagination. So, our society sees Christians as (taking scenes from the show) goody two shoes, judgemental, hypocrytical, lying, sneaky, two faced, manipulating, promiscuous people who themeslves are confused about their faith. It got me to thinking about the so called christians I've run into in my life and they fit the bill perfectly.
After a Cardinals game this weekend, I had the privledge of running into a drunk man in front of the stadium. As we talked there for a while, with a "christian" on a megaphone behind us proclaiming to all they needed to "repent and turn from their evil ways" and explictly listing off sins. This man said, "You know who that sounds like... Adolf Hitler." I couldn't argue with him, he was absolutely right. This megaphone man, though with possible good intentions, was reminding all around him of Hitler, represnting Christianity to the lost world. Most of the conversation was hard to understand due to the constant buzzing voice of the megaphone man, the slurred speech of the drunken man, and low rumble of the exiting crowd. I did manage to make out that this man did believe in a god but not that Christ is God. Christ was just another good man and that in fact 1200 years before Christ historians have said that there were other men like Christ in the being born of a virgin, doing miracles, having 12 disciples, and raising from the dead. This guy knew the story of Christ, very important details missing (but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say the missing pieces were due to his drunken stupper). And yet knew nothing of Christ.
This leads me to beleive that we as believers are not doing our jobs correctly if even at all. If we truely lived as Christ called us to live I don't think people would have much to mock. It's because they know what Christians are supposed to be doing, yet they see what we are doing and know that the two don't match. We are called to rescue the perishing, care for the dying, protect the widows and children, feed the hungry and opppressed. Love as Christ loves. Our society is more concerned with soical injustices than we as a body of believers are. If they were to see Christians really loving this way they would be moved by it. There wouldn't be a mocking of it, rather an inspired movement because of it. If we were more concerned with loving people for the sake of Christ than making sure they know the books of the bible in order, or the names of the 12 disciples there wouldn't be such an abrehsiveness towards christianity. But we (myself included) have done an awful job at discipling. We get people in church to secure our numbers but then do nothing to ensure their growth and development as a true Christ follower. They see what the Bible says about true love and yet see the contridictory message of the church and leave with a bitter taste in their mouths and a hardeness built around their heart.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that true Believers have to stop living of the world. And I know this is much easier said than done but isn't it worth the struggle. Fight your way from the sterotypical Christian life and live one that is on purpose with Christ in loving the homosexual, the promiscuous, the murderer, the gossip, the drug user, the alcoholic, the aethiest and the rebelling christian. Love them as you love yourself and see if that won't make a difference in how the media portrays us in how the drunk man sees Christ.
Wouldn't it be awesome if Christian characters weren't even on shows anymore because there was nothing to poke fun at. Or if they were the main character that stood firm throughout the sitcom, stuggling with the same things everyone else does but handeling it in a God honoring way. Wouldn't it be great if the only thing the drunk man on the corner could say about Christians is "Man, they really love whoever that Jesus guy is and they sure do love people." Wouldn't it be nice.
As I sat and watched the characters on the show struggling with death, pregnancy, premarital sex, drinking, and drugs I thought about how neither of those questions were the primary concern here. Let me just share with you my thoughts and we'll see how this all connects together.
The writers for this show had to get their ideas from somewhere. This is where fiction comes from; real life events manipulated by the imagination. So, our society sees Christians as (taking scenes from the show) goody two shoes, judgemental, hypocrytical, lying, sneaky, two faced, manipulating, promiscuous people who themeslves are confused about their faith. It got me to thinking about the so called christians I've run into in my life and they fit the bill perfectly.
After a Cardinals game this weekend, I had the privledge of running into a drunk man in front of the stadium. As we talked there for a while, with a "christian" on a megaphone behind us proclaiming to all they needed to "repent and turn from their evil ways" and explictly listing off sins. This man said, "You know who that sounds like... Adolf Hitler." I couldn't argue with him, he was absolutely right. This megaphone man, though with possible good intentions, was reminding all around him of Hitler, represnting Christianity to the lost world. Most of the conversation was hard to understand due to the constant buzzing voice of the megaphone man, the slurred speech of the drunken man, and low rumble of the exiting crowd. I did manage to make out that this man did believe in a god but not that Christ is God. Christ was just another good man and that in fact 1200 years before Christ historians have said that there were other men like Christ in the being born of a virgin, doing miracles, having 12 disciples, and raising from the dead. This guy knew the story of Christ, very important details missing (but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say the missing pieces were due to his drunken stupper). And yet knew nothing of Christ.
This leads me to beleive that we as believers are not doing our jobs correctly if even at all. If we truely lived as Christ called us to live I don't think people would have much to mock. It's because they know what Christians are supposed to be doing, yet they see what we are doing and know that the two don't match. We are called to rescue the perishing, care for the dying, protect the widows and children, feed the hungry and opppressed. Love as Christ loves. Our society is more concerned with soical injustices than we as a body of believers are. If they were to see Christians really loving this way they would be moved by it. There wouldn't be a mocking of it, rather an inspired movement because of it. If we were more concerned with loving people for the sake of Christ than making sure they know the books of the bible in order, or the names of the 12 disciples there wouldn't be such an abrehsiveness towards christianity. But we (myself included) have done an awful job at discipling. We get people in church to secure our numbers but then do nothing to ensure their growth and development as a true Christ follower. They see what the Bible says about true love and yet see the contridictory message of the church and leave with a bitter taste in their mouths and a hardeness built around their heart.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that true Believers have to stop living of the world. And I know this is much easier said than done but isn't it worth the struggle. Fight your way from the sterotypical Christian life and live one that is on purpose with Christ in loving the homosexual, the promiscuous, the murderer, the gossip, the drug user, the alcoholic, the aethiest and the rebelling christian. Love them as you love yourself and see if that won't make a difference in how the media portrays us in how the drunk man sees Christ.
Wouldn't it be awesome if Christian characters weren't even on shows anymore because there was nothing to poke fun at. Or if they were the main character that stood firm throughout the sitcom, stuggling with the same things everyone else does but handeling it in a God honoring way. Wouldn't it be great if the only thing the drunk man on the corner could say about Christians is "Man, they really love whoever that Jesus guy is and they sure do love people." Wouldn't it be nice.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
A great article
I found this article at Boundless.com. It was so encouraging for me in this time in my life. I hope you find encouragement in it as well.
Certain Change
by Elisabeth Adams
There's nothing quite like greeting friends who think you're on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.
At first they freeze, brains in hyper-drive, trying to deal with the gap between their assumptions and reality. But as I wait, and watch, their faces change from blank, to shock, to joy.
Suddenly, I've been woven back into the life I left months ago. I can attend graduations. Meet my friend's newborn daughter. Play games with my grandmother. Take walks with my sisters. Hug my brothers. And bask in my first American spring in years.
But all these blessings came with a price tag: my plans.
I thought I was going to spend my summer in Israel; God thought differently. As my plans began to unravel, I had one short week to decide what to do: stay in Jerusalem, or return home to the U.S. I'd like to say I remained completely calm, but I didn't. Fortunately, my family was willing to support me in my drama queen moments, which were many.
"It's unsettling," I exclaimed to a faraway sister, "not to know which hemisphere I'll be in by next week!"
"Pretend it's an adventure," she advised.
An adventure? It's not so simple, this moving from one continent to another. There's intense pressure as I attempt to synchronize departure date and to-do list, telescoping my life back down to two suitcases and a carry-on. There's saying goodbye (which never seems to get better with practice). I experience a wrenching feeling, as if part of my life were about to be amputated. And jettison my just-grown-comfortable routine for ...
Well, I'll find out when I get there.
During the years I spent volunteering up and down the east coast of the U.S., I decided that if I ever had a blog, I'd call it "I'm Here ... but I'll be There in a Minute." After numerous trips overseas, it seems even more appropriate than ever. With all that practice, shouldn't I have made friends with unexpected adventures long ago? Perhaps, but I still fight change. It upends my sense of identity, rearranges my mental map, frustrates my homing instinct, and knocks me right out of my groove. I stumble around asking, Where do I belong? What am I supposed to do? What comes next? And I get tired of answering all these questions with "I don't know."
I was planning to see my Swedish friend Emma in Israel this summer. In the middle of that decision-making week, she popped up in my chat window, asking where I'd be when she arrived. I sighed, and typed yet another "I don't know." And then it hit me. I never really know what my life will hold next: not what I'll be doing, where I'll be living, or even what hemisphere I'll be in. I only think I have these things figured out.
The book of Proverbs says, "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring."1 The book of James adds:
Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit" — yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance.2
The uncertainty God had allowed into my life simply revealed the ignorance I live with every single day.
Many good seasons of life are profoundly unsettling. College. Graduation. Courtship, marriage, parenthood. A milestone birthday, or a move. A new responsibility at church, or a new job. In the transition period, roles, expectations, sometimes even identities are in a bewildering state of flux. I can tell you from experience that until I've figured out what I'm meant to do in this new season, that satisfying sense of a job well done is hard to come by.
When I arrived back in the U.S., I didn't know exactly what God had in mind for my summer, or precisely how long He wanted me at home. I felt sidelined, stalled, useless, and just plain lost. Didn't I need to know the future before I could plan my next step? Perhaps it was for times like this that Jesus told the parable of the talents.3 In effect, He says, "You don't know when I'm coming, but you do know what to do: Invest the resources I've given you!"
Uncertainty isn't a dead end; it's a wake-up call. I can have no real idea what my future holds, and still move forward with confidence in God's directing power. I can boldly make plans, keeping an ear open for His redirection. Believe me, I'm tempted to hide out until He shows up. But He wants me to invest, and lavishly.
Let's say I know exactly what to do, and I'm doing it with all my might. There are still lessons for me to learn, because frankly, even success can be unsettling. After all, is there any guarantee that I'll be able to pull it off again? For all the satisfaction and enjoyment I get out of my work, I still have moments of stark fear with each new article I write. I have no way of knowing what I will say until I have said it, and I am acutely aware that no words worth reading will be forthcoming, unless I have help from the One who created galaxies ... out of nothing.
"My grace is sufficient for you," He says reassuringly, "for my power is made perfect in weakness." That's why "I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."4
Uncertainty about the future not only strips away my illusions of self-sufficiency, it puts my trust in God to the test. How fast are my faith reflexes? How long will I fear before I turn to Him? How soon will I remember that His plans for me are good? Weakness and uncertainty are meant to remind me to camp out in His power. And there's absolutely no better place for me to be.
Discombobulation, Here We Come!
Before my first visit to Israel, I expected change and upheaval in abundance. I didn't expect to encounter it in the local airport, before I even left American soil.
It was a hot but miraculous May afternoon: 18 suitcases, nine carry-ons, and nine Adamses were all lined up at the check-in counter and ready to go. But with just three hours before our flight, an over-zealous airline agent with misinformation about our tickets was about to keep us grounded. My parents explained, cajoled, and finally ran down a very long hallway in search of a more sympathetic official. Meanwhile, I babysat the baggage — and time kept evaporating. It was hard to pray. It was hard to trust. The best I could do was to inwardly look up towards Jesus every now and then and say, "I know You can handle this."
While other travelers swirled past me, I had time to stop, sift through my motives, and decide that this trip wasn't all about me: It was for Him. I had a moment to remember Who was in control. And I had the privilege of seeing Him work on our behalf. There — in the confusion — I met God. I met Him in a way I never would have if everything had gone according to plan.
I'd like to think that someday I'll have it all figured out. If I could just convince God to hand over a detailed five-year itinerary every so often, then I would glide through each transition in my life without a single misstep. But I know what would come next: I would wave airily and begin walking away. "Thanks God," I'd call over my shoulder. "See you later." And I'd head off down the trail, alone.
I tend to view change as the enemy, but according to my Creator, the real enemy is a self-confidence that shuts Him out. That's why upheaval isn't an emergency; it's a mercy. I'm quite sure that at the bottom of it lies His desire for my attention and companionship — and "as for me, the nearness of God is my good."5
I suspect that following the One who had no place to lay his head means I willingly say, "Discombobulation, here we come!" But as change continues to chase me, I've worked out a philosophy that fits my nomadic life: I'm here now, but I'll be somewhere else in a minute, so I'll enjoy this experience while I can. Jim Elliot said it better: "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation which you believe to be God's will for you."
Even uncertainty, upheaval, and change.
* * *
NOTES
Proverbs 27:1
James 4:13-16
Thanks to Kevin DeYoung for bringing up this parable in the context of God's guidance.
II Corinthians 12:9
Psalm 73:28 (NASB)
Copyright 2009 Elisabeth Adams. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. This article was published on Boundless.org on July 21, 2009
Certain Change
by Elisabeth Adams
There's nothing quite like greeting friends who think you're on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.
At first they freeze, brains in hyper-drive, trying to deal with the gap between their assumptions and reality. But as I wait, and watch, their faces change from blank, to shock, to joy.
Suddenly, I've been woven back into the life I left months ago. I can attend graduations. Meet my friend's newborn daughter. Play games with my grandmother. Take walks with my sisters. Hug my brothers. And bask in my first American spring in years.
But all these blessings came with a price tag: my plans.
I thought I was going to spend my summer in Israel; God thought differently. As my plans began to unravel, I had one short week to decide what to do: stay in Jerusalem, or return home to the U.S. I'd like to say I remained completely calm, but I didn't. Fortunately, my family was willing to support me in my drama queen moments, which were many.
"It's unsettling," I exclaimed to a faraway sister, "not to know which hemisphere I'll be in by next week!"
"Pretend it's an adventure," she advised.
An adventure? It's not so simple, this moving from one continent to another. There's intense pressure as I attempt to synchronize departure date and to-do list, telescoping my life back down to two suitcases and a carry-on. There's saying goodbye (which never seems to get better with practice). I experience a wrenching feeling, as if part of my life were about to be amputated. And jettison my just-grown-comfortable routine for ...
Well, I'll find out when I get there.
During the years I spent volunteering up and down the east coast of the U.S., I decided that if I ever had a blog, I'd call it "I'm Here ... but I'll be There in a Minute." After numerous trips overseas, it seems even more appropriate than ever. With all that practice, shouldn't I have made friends with unexpected adventures long ago? Perhaps, but I still fight change. It upends my sense of identity, rearranges my mental map, frustrates my homing instinct, and knocks me right out of my groove. I stumble around asking, Where do I belong? What am I supposed to do? What comes next? And I get tired of answering all these questions with "I don't know."
I was planning to see my Swedish friend Emma in Israel this summer. In the middle of that decision-making week, she popped up in my chat window, asking where I'd be when she arrived. I sighed, and typed yet another "I don't know." And then it hit me. I never really know what my life will hold next: not what I'll be doing, where I'll be living, or even what hemisphere I'll be in. I only think I have these things figured out.
The book of Proverbs says, "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring."1 The book of James adds:
Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit" — yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance.2
The uncertainty God had allowed into my life simply revealed the ignorance I live with every single day.
Many good seasons of life are profoundly unsettling. College. Graduation. Courtship, marriage, parenthood. A milestone birthday, or a move. A new responsibility at church, or a new job. In the transition period, roles, expectations, sometimes even identities are in a bewildering state of flux. I can tell you from experience that until I've figured out what I'm meant to do in this new season, that satisfying sense of a job well done is hard to come by.
When I arrived back in the U.S., I didn't know exactly what God had in mind for my summer, or precisely how long He wanted me at home. I felt sidelined, stalled, useless, and just plain lost. Didn't I need to know the future before I could plan my next step? Perhaps it was for times like this that Jesus told the parable of the talents.3 In effect, He says, "You don't know when I'm coming, but you do know what to do: Invest the resources I've given you!"
Uncertainty isn't a dead end; it's a wake-up call. I can have no real idea what my future holds, and still move forward with confidence in God's directing power. I can boldly make plans, keeping an ear open for His redirection. Believe me, I'm tempted to hide out until He shows up. But He wants me to invest, and lavishly.
Let's say I know exactly what to do, and I'm doing it with all my might. There are still lessons for me to learn, because frankly, even success can be unsettling. After all, is there any guarantee that I'll be able to pull it off again? For all the satisfaction and enjoyment I get out of my work, I still have moments of stark fear with each new article I write. I have no way of knowing what I will say until I have said it, and I am acutely aware that no words worth reading will be forthcoming, unless I have help from the One who created galaxies ... out of nothing.
"My grace is sufficient for you," He says reassuringly, "for my power is made perfect in weakness." That's why "I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."4
Uncertainty about the future not only strips away my illusions of self-sufficiency, it puts my trust in God to the test. How fast are my faith reflexes? How long will I fear before I turn to Him? How soon will I remember that His plans for me are good? Weakness and uncertainty are meant to remind me to camp out in His power. And there's absolutely no better place for me to be.
Discombobulation, Here We Come!
Before my first visit to Israel, I expected change and upheaval in abundance. I didn't expect to encounter it in the local airport, before I even left American soil.
It was a hot but miraculous May afternoon: 18 suitcases, nine carry-ons, and nine Adamses were all lined up at the check-in counter and ready to go. But with just three hours before our flight, an over-zealous airline agent with misinformation about our tickets was about to keep us grounded. My parents explained, cajoled, and finally ran down a very long hallway in search of a more sympathetic official. Meanwhile, I babysat the baggage — and time kept evaporating. It was hard to pray. It was hard to trust. The best I could do was to inwardly look up towards Jesus every now and then and say, "I know You can handle this."
While other travelers swirled past me, I had time to stop, sift through my motives, and decide that this trip wasn't all about me: It was for Him. I had a moment to remember Who was in control. And I had the privilege of seeing Him work on our behalf. There — in the confusion — I met God. I met Him in a way I never would have if everything had gone according to plan.
I'd like to think that someday I'll have it all figured out. If I could just convince God to hand over a detailed five-year itinerary every so often, then I would glide through each transition in my life without a single misstep. But I know what would come next: I would wave airily and begin walking away. "Thanks God," I'd call over my shoulder. "See you later." And I'd head off down the trail, alone.
I tend to view change as the enemy, but according to my Creator, the real enemy is a self-confidence that shuts Him out. That's why upheaval isn't an emergency; it's a mercy. I'm quite sure that at the bottom of it lies His desire for my attention and companionship — and "as for me, the nearness of God is my good."5
I suspect that following the One who had no place to lay his head means I willingly say, "Discombobulation, here we come!" But as change continues to chase me, I've worked out a philosophy that fits my nomadic life: I'm here now, but I'll be somewhere else in a minute, so I'll enjoy this experience while I can. Jim Elliot said it better: "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation which you believe to be God's will for you."
Even uncertainty, upheaval, and change.
* * *
NOTES
Proverbs 27:1
James 4:13-16
Thanks to Kevin DeYoung for bringing up this parable in the context of God's guidance.
II Corinthians 12:9
Psalm 73:28 (NASB)
Copyright 2009 Elisabeth Adams. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. This article was published on Boundless.org on July 21, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Shhh...
My heart has been overwhelmed with a continuous thought recently. I told many of you about the book I read awile ago Crazy Love by Francis Chan. A thought that continues to pursue me is the idea of normal christianity. When God says to leave everything and follow Him (Luke 18:22), it is not a suggestion but rather a command. When I do this very thing (and pat myself on the back for it) I am not doing anything extraordinary. I am simply being obedient in what the Lord has said. This is the normal christian life and yet somehow in modern Christianity it has become the radical. Obedient Christians are called radicals within Christian circles. This sends up a frightening red flag to me.
The word says that many will come to me on that day saying Lord, Lord look at all these things I did for you. And the Lord will say I never knew you(Matthew 7:21-23). Unbelievers are not going to call Christ Lord at this point. They never knew Him as Lord. It will be believers saying this. We need to not merely be hearers of the word but doers (James 1:22). I believe this is where we have lost it. Many of us, and I have been guilty of this as well, have sat and heard a good word whether from your quiet time, a speaker, or from church, but have not practiced immediate obedience. We've allowed that seed to be snatched away from us(Matthew 13:1-23). His word doesn't warn us of a narrow path for no reason. This truth has become more and more real to me as I've examined my own life and watched the lives of friends. Narrow is the path that leads to righteousness, wide is the path that leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13-14).
We are not going to make it into heaven by the skim of our teeth! (1 because it's not by works that I'm saved but by His grace and His grace ALONE Ephesians 2:8) We must live intentional lives sold out for the sake of Christ. That's not radical living, that's obedience to a simple call. A ho-hum attitude about Christ or life lived in direct disobedience to His word better be a life that is earnestly working out thier salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:11-13). So that when you stand before the throne in all His glory you can confidently stand in the shadow of Christ knowing that you truly are paid for by His blood. If we are not working these things out and simply assuming we are the good soil, I believe many of us will be sorely disappointed too little too late.
Let he who has ears listen (Mark 4:9).
The word says that many will come to me on that day saying Lord, Lord look at all these things I did for you. And the Lord will say I never knew you(Matthew 7:21-23). Unbelievers are not going to call Christ Lord at this point. They never knew Him as Lord. It will be believers saying this. We need to not merely be hearers of the word but doers (James 1:22). I believe this is where we have lost it. Many of us, and I have been guilty of this as well, have sat and heard a good word whether from your quiet time, a speaker, or from church, but have not practiced immediate obedience. We've allowed that seed to be snatched away from us(Matthew 13:1-23). His word doesn't warn us of a narrow path for no reason. This truth has become more and more real to me as I've examined my own life and watched the lives of friends. Narrow is the path that leads to righteousness, wide is the path that leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13-14).
We are not going to make it into heaven by the skim of our teeth! (1 because it's not by works that I'm saved but by His grace and His grace ALONE Ephesians 2:8) We must live intentional lives sold out for the sake of Christ. That's not radical living, that's obedience to a simple call. A ho-hum attitude about Christ or life lived in direct disobedience to His word better be a life that is earnestly working out thier salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:11-13). So that when you stand before the throne in all His glory you can confidently stand in the shadow of Christ knowing that you truly are paid for by His blood. If we are not working these things out and simply assuming we are the good soil, I believe many of us will be sorely disappointed too little too late.
Let he who has ears listen (Mark 4:9).
Monday, May 25, 2009
...and I wait.
We are in the midst of revival (the program) at Calvary. Some are in the midst of revival independently. The Lord is in the midst of revival in me! It could not have come at a more perfect time, as Friday I found out that I did not get the position at HLG. A call to be obiedient in resigning, has ended with me having no job and my true FAITH being tried. Do I truly believe that God is who He says that He is and will do what He said He will do?!!
I am finding my faith stronger than it was but it took me 2 days of mourning. If I didn't care about my clothing or skin I'm sure there would have been some tearing of garments and covering with ashes! I'm so blessed that the Lord has graciously set me up with a great community of support. I got the letter and immedietly went to Jessica's and sobbed into her shoulder. She just let me stand there in the doorway sobbing like a baby mind you. I sat silent on her couch and I knew she wasn't trying to think of the right words but she was praying on my behalf because such disbelief filled me that I couldn't pray. I was sooooo sure, this is what the Lord wanted for me. Had I heard Him wrong? Did I miss His plan? She then prayed over me and helped get me refocused.
I took Saturday to be alone and do a little medicinal shopping. That didn't really work because things weren't going to give the answers I wanted, the comfort I desired. SO I came home and went to bed in the middle of the day. He would not leave me there though. Jess called and invited me over to be with the fam. Somewhere in there Lisa Lehenbaur and I were together, comforting each other with words of perserverance... WAIT!!!! Blessed are those who wait on the Lord.
So today, though I still have pangs of anxiousness I am learning what it looks like in my life to truly surrender and be obiedient to God when I can't see the path to take another step. He has encouraged me so much over these months with the truth in His word that says, "He will fulfill His purposes for me in my life!" That is a promise I can cling to. He will do it, I need but to wait! It is not easy. It is not a walk in the park. It is sometimes seemingly overwhelming! Nonetheless, I wait! A verse that has meant so much to me over the past few weeks, Isaiah 30:18 "Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him."
I'm praying that the Lord miraculously provides a job/ministry here in Hannibal.I'm also praying for the Lord to reveal just a portion of His power in my life over these next few weeks! If He doesn't move, I'm through, done, finito, gone, over, finished! I so desperately need Him to move powerfuly, divinely, distinctly! Would you pray that for me? That God would unleash His power in my life!
I am finding my faith stronger than it was but it took me 2 days of mourning. If I didn't care about my clothing or skin I'm sure there would have been some tearing of garments and covering with ashes! I'm so blessed that the Lord has graciously set me up with a great community of support. I got the letter and immedietly went to Jessica's and sobbed into her shoulder. She just let me stand there in the doorway sobbing like a baby mind you. I sat silent on her couch and I knew she wasn't trying to think of the right words but she was praying on my behalf because such disbelief filled me that I couldn't pray. I was sooooo sure, this is what the Lord wanted for me. Had I heard Him wrong? Did I miss His plan? She then prayed over me and helped get me refocused.
I took Saturday to be alone and do a little medicinal shopping. That didn't really work because things weren't going to give the answers I wanted, the comfort I desired. SO I came home and went to bed in the middle of the day. He would not leave me there though. Jess called and invited me over to be with the fam. Somewhere in there Lisa Lehenbaur and I were together, comforting each other with words of perserverance... WAIT!!!! Blessed are those who wait on the Lord.
So today, though I still have pangs of anxiousness I am learning what it looks like in my life to truly surrender and be obiedient to God when I can't see the path to take another step. He has encouraged me so much over these months with the truth in His word that says, "He will fulfill His purposes for me in my life!" That is a promise I can cling to. He will do it, I need but to wait! It is not easy. It is not a walk in the park. It is sometimes seemingly overwhelming! Nonetheless, I wait! A verse that has meant so much to me over the past few weeks, Isaiah 30:18 "Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him."
I'm praying that the Lord miraculously provides a job/ministry here in Hannibal.I'm also praying for the Lord to reveal just a portion of His power in my life over these next few weeks! If He doesn't move, I'm through, done, finito, gone, over, finished! I so desperately need Him to move powerfuly, divinely, distinctly! Would you pray that for me? That God would unleash His power in my life!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
In the Waiting
Well, it's been a bit since we've caught up but here goes a little bit of what is going on now days.
I have resigned my job at Hannibal public schools because I feel the Lord is leading me to Hannibal LaGrange College to be a dorm director. I do not have the job yet and so I suppose am currently jobless. I'm so excited to see how the Lord is going to provide and meet my every need. In this process, He has just shown me so much about HOPE. That, as Piper says, "Biblical hope is not this finger crossing, nail biting, wishful thinking kind of a thing. Hope is the confident expectation that God will." So against man's "better" judgement I am hoping. I am confidently expecting the Lord to bust down the doors of HLG and pave a path for the work He wants me to take part in. This time has come with moments of tremendous fear and moments of peace that surpass understanding. He is molding and shaping me so much during this time. It's so uncomfortable at times but man, I know it's going to be worth it when He is finished.
Also, and I say this only that you would consider praying with me in and through this. My dear friends Shannon and Stephanie Reece are leaving April 12 under the call of Christ to move to Africa indefinitely. Stephanie and I really only got to know each other about 3 months before they left for AL. .Yet somehow within that 3 month span God warp sped our friendship. She is someone that I so greatly admire and turn to for guidance. I recently had the opportunity of going to AL to help them pack up their lives for this adventure. I went with the intention of simply being a help to them but left with so much more than that. SOOO much more. While working with them and simply packing, not that we had these amazing in depth conversations, I mean we really were just packing, I was shown pictures of Kubala Lodge, blueprints of the house, and heard stories of the Lozi people. I left Alabama with the very distinct and terribly real thought that, I, myself, am supposed to move to Africa, to Zambia, to be with these people! Not by any means that I am packing tomorrow, next month, or even next year but just that I am really considering and seeking out this possible calling from the Lord. So, just to clarify, I am not moving to Africa, but I am hoping to visit in December, but rather am praying over and considering this idea of being called. Please pray with me that there would be such sweet clarity and that any fear or doubt would be driven back into darkness. That His purpose would stand gloriously revealed in truth and in light. And more than that, that I would be satisfied simply with Him in the waiting. He does not reveal all to us at once, only that of which we need to take the next step. Pray that I might rest in Him enough to truly trust His perfect timing, His sovereign plan, and to live out this life that He has given me right now for His glory! May I grow ever the more in love with Him is this waiting.
I have resigned my job at Hannibal public schools because I feel the Lord is leading me to Hannibal LaGrange College to be a dorm director. I do not have the job yet and so I suppose am currently jobless. I'm so excited to see how the Lord is going to provide and meet my every need. In this process, He has just shown me so much about HOPE. That, as Piper says, "Biblical hope is not this finger crossing, nail biting, wishful thinking kind of a thing. Hope is the confident expectation that God will." So against man's "better" judgement I am hoping. I am confidently expecting the Lord to bust down the doors of HLG and pave a path for the work He wants me to take part in. This time has come with moments of tremendous fear and moments of peace that surpass understanding. He is molding and shaping me so much during this time. It's so uncomfortable at times but man, I know it's going to be worth it when He is finished.
Also, and I say this only that you would consider praying with me in and through this. My dear friends Shannon and Stephanie Reece are leaving April 12 under the call of Christ to move to Africa indefinitely. Stephanie and I really only got to know each other about 3 months before they left for AL. .Yet somehow within that 3 month span God warp sped our friendship. She is someone that I so greatly admire and turn to for guidance. I recently had the opportunity of going to AL to help them pack up their lives for this adventure. I went with the intention of simply being a help to them but left with so much more than that. SOOO much more. While working with them and simply packing, not that we had these amazing in depth conversations, I mean we really were just packing, I was shown pictures of Kubala Lodge, blueprints of the house, and heard stories of the Lozi people. I left Alabama with the very distinct and terribly real thought that, I, myself, am supposed to move to Africa, to Zambia, to be with these people! Not by any means that I am packing tomorrow, next month, or even next year but just that I am really considering and seeking out this possible calling from the Lord. So, just to clarify, I am not moving to Africa, but I am hoping to visit in December, but rather am praying over and considering this idea of being called. Please pray with me that there would be such sweet clarity and that any fear or doubt would be driven back into darkness. That His purpose would stand gloriously revealed in truth and in light. And more than that, that I would be satisfied simply with Him in the waiting. He does not reveal all to us at once, only that of which we need to take the next step. Pray that I might rest in Him enough to truly trust His perfect timing, His sovereign plan, and to live out this life that He has given me right now for His glory! May I grow ever the more in love with Him is this waiting.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
25ish random things about me
Ok so I've been tagged in about a billion of those notes so I'm giving in and doing it! Yeah for peer pressure :)
1. I almost stepped in a pile of poop in the middle of the school hallway. You explain that!
2. Breakfast is my favorite meal.
3. I decided not to be a nurse because I don't like blood.
4. Secretly I decided not to be a nurse because the cadavers in the back of the book looked like jerky and eggs.
5. I once had a pig's stomach burst on my palm, leaking bile all over the floor. It was awesome.
6. I just started sponsering a precious little girl named Astrid from Hondorus.
7. I have never been more embarassed than when I was 15, in the middle of the night I wet the couch at a friends house.
8. Until, I was 22 and wet my pants walking the stairs to my apartment with groceries.
9. I love chowing down on Cheetos Puffs because I like to then dig them out of my teeth.
10. I once went exorcist spewing green vomit all over our blue bathroom. Thanks St. Patrick!
11. First day of teaching my skirt got caught in my backless fan and nearly came all the way off.
12. I can't remember the last time I was tickled.
13. I wish I could spend 15 minutes just rolling on bubble wrap. I love it!
14. I ran into a tree once while walking out some anger.
15. I love monkey bread!
16. I have a fear of being shot... with a rubber band.
17. I like drawing though I am not good at it.
18. I sometimes stand in mirror and make faces just to see what I can do.
19. I know I am smarter than a 5th grader.
20. I don't actually like athletics I just like crowds so I love going to athletic events.
21. I hate washing dishes!
22. I also hate putting clothes away.
23. I feel guilty for not knowing alot about black history. But honestly I just don't know alot about history.
24. I don't really care about politics, so much so that I had to take Government twice in college.
25. I'm always impressed with how much dead skin I can scuff off my heels with ped egg.
Because I can:
26. I once saw a friend blowing her nose into her t shirt. I ran with the idea and cut up some old T-shirts that I loved but never wore and now use them as hankies. Soft and cheap, winner!
27. I used to fake my eye exam because I wanted glasses. Then I noticed that I didn't so much look good in glasses.
28. I wanted braces when I was younger so I put paper clips around my mouth to at least get the retainer effect.
29. I always wanted to be a tap dancer so I also took those handy paper clips and glued them to the bottom of my shoes.
30. I wanted to smoke when I was younger but knew it was bad so I opted for "smoking" a q-tip. Talk about cotton mouth!
1. I almost stepped in a pile of poop in the middle of the school hallway. You explain that!
2. Breakfast is my favorite meal.
3. I decided not to be a nurse because I don't like blood.
4. Secretly I decided not to be a nurse because the cadavers in the back of the book looked like jerky and eggs.
5. I once had a pig's stomach burst on my palm, leaking bile all over the floor. It was awesome.
6. I just started sponsering a precious little girl named Astrid from Hondorus.
7. I have never been more embarassed than when I was 15, in the middle of the night I wet the couch at a friends house.
8. Until, I was 22 and wet my pants walking the stairs to my apartment with groceries.
9. I love chowing down on Cheetos Puffs because I like to then dig them out of my teeth.
10. I once went exorcist spewing green vomit all over our blue bathroom. Thanks St. Patrick!
11. First day of teaching my skirt got caught in my backless fan and nearly came all the way off.
12. I can't remember the last time I was tickled.
13. I wish I could spend 15 minutes just rolling on bubble wrap. I love it!
14. I ran into a tree once while walking out some anger.
15. I love monkey bread!
16. I have a fear of being shot... with a rubber band.
17. I like drawing though I am not good at it.
18. I sometimes stand in mirror and make faces just to see what I can do.
19. I know I am smarter than a 5th grader.
20. I don't actually like athletics I just like crowds so I love going to athletic events.
21. I hate washing dishes!
22. I also hate putting clothes away.
23. I feel guilty for not knowing alot about black history. But honestly I just don't know alot about history.
24. I don't really care about politics, so much so that I had to take Government twice in college.
25. I'm always impressed with how much dead skin I can scuff off my heels with ped egg.
Because I can:
26. I once saw a friend blowing her nose into her t shirt. I ran with the idea and cut up some old T-shirts that I loved but never wore and now use them as hankies. Soft and cheap, winner!
27. I used to fake my eye exam because I wanted glasses. Then I noticed that I didn't so much look good in glasses.
28. I wanted braces when I was younger so I put paper clips around my mouth to at least get the retainer effect.
29. I always wanted to be a tap dancer so I also took those handy paper clips and glued them to the bottom of my shoes.
30. I wanted to smoke when I was younger but knew it was bad so I opted for "smoking" a q-tip. Talk about cotton mouth!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Obedience
I was thinking of a verse that the Lord showed me this weekend and I struggle with because of pride. Luke 17:10"In the same way, when you obey me you should say, ' We are not worthy of praise. We are servants who have simply done our duty."
Christ has told us that those who are not willing to leave ALL that they have are not worthy. This includes family, friends, husband, children, money, and security. Yet leaving this is simple obedience. This is our "simple duty". Not even the over and beyond. I shouldn't desire a pat on the back for that (which is what I would be wanting. A good job from God.) In my mind I've wrestled with that all weekend.
God delights in our obedience to him yet at the same time it is nothing extraordinary, it's simply obedience. So, still thinking about it this morning I came across this verse that I think now reconciles the 2 in my mind and would be an encouragement : Luke 18:30 "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brother or parents, or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life."God understands in mercy that obedience is not our nature, so he does bless us abundantly when we are obedient, even if that obedience is "simply our duty."
Christ has told us that those who are not willing to leave ALL that they have are not worthy. This includes family, friends, husband, children, money, and security. Yet leaving this is simple obedience. This is our "simple duty". Not even the over and beyond. I shouldn't desire a pat on the back for that (which is what I would be wanting. A good job from God.) In my mind I've wrestled with that all weekend.
God delights in our obedience to him yet at the same time it is nothing extraordinary, it's simply obedience. So, still thinking about it this morning I came across this verse that I think now reconciles the 2 in my mind and would be an encouragement : Luke 18:30 "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brother or parents, or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life."God understands in mercy that obedience is not our nature, so he does bless us abundantly when we are obedient, even if that obedience is "simply our duty."
Sunday, January 18, 2009
What I want to say is...
The honest truth? Ughhh. Well, here it is. I have fallen for majority of the half-truths disguised as whole truths satan has brought my way. The most recent lie (and that's what they are) is that I'm not deserving of anything better.
You see, I started dating a boy we'll call "Kaden" when I was 12 years old. I remember how it started. We were at church camp where too many tragic love stories begin. My friends ran down the hill to tell me that Kaden had a crush on me. Now, I had always known Kaden and thought that he was very cute, but never thought I had a chance with him. Even at the ripe young age of 12 I had self defeating thoughts! So, blushing I denied it and brushed them off. The Sunday after church camp he passed a note to me that said no lie "Do you like me? Check yes or no" I didn't check a box because even at 12 I was already thinking I want to keep this to remember forever and share with our kids, talk about jumping the gun! I figured I could just tell him face to face.
***As a side note, as I'm writing this, I'm astounded at how much you can tell about me when I was 12 now 14 years later.***
So, I'm not sure how the rest of it played out but I remember at youth group that night we were a "thing". Nothing had really changed but it was now somehow different. I couldn't make normal eye contact with him, I couldn't sit by him, we didn't hold hands. We simply had the title and awkwardness between. A sign of fantastic things to come I'm sure.
Well, later that week I was sick of our "long distance relationship", we went to different middle schools, so I broke up with him for the first time. And so it began. We have now spent the past 14 years playing that same game one of us liking the other, dating, breaking up for various reasons. 14 years later and I am now devastated.
While I was in college Kaden enrolled for the Army. The fear of him leaving and the thrill of a summer together left us what I've always called quazi engaged without a ring. I loved him as much as I knew how and at this point I think he loved me as much as he knew how. Two people who don't know a thing about love trying to love each other now literally living hundreds of miles apart was not a good thing. As I grew intellictually and spirtitually, he trained to fight for and protect our country. Our paths were headed in completely different directions; mine wherever the Lord led, his wherever the army took him. After much prayer and heartache I again decided to end things with him because he didn't passionately love the Lord like I'd always desired my future husband to. This was truely the end of this saga we'd had, so I thought.
A year later and desperately seeking to find myself I called him out of the blue and we finally talked about things we'd avoided for the past year and became nakedly honest with each other. It was one of the most beautiful things I've been apart of. There was some healing for my heart in that moment. What I didn't realize was I all I had done was put a bandaid over a gapping wound that needed some serious medical attention.
Every year from that point on we subconciously made it a habbit to find each other and try to rekindle things. Every year it was this search to see if the Lord had changed him, if this was our time, if things were different now. Every time though it was a resounding no. Sometimes I would listen obediently and run the other way and other times I would linger in the realtionship till I could stand the conviction no longer. They were almost like emotional "bootycalls". Either way I was sinning against a Holy God.
Just recently Kaden of course made his yearly appearance in my life. Things seemed to be different. He spoke of the Lord as if He were a person he had a realtionship with, not a distant realtive like before. He seemed far more caring than he had ever been in my whole life of knowing him. He seemed "ready". With a 14 year history of an onagain/offagain relationship when things start up again they don't start up slowly. They pick up right where they left off, which for us was an egagement period. Emotionally, I think within a few days of actually being around him I was right back in the saddle of loving him.
So much so in fact that I invited him to enter my adult world in Hannibal. This world had never been tainted by him or one of our dramatic break ups. It was a blank canvas, much like our "newly" developing realtionship. Things were different, so I thought.... but my oh my how the heart lies.
He later revealed his true colors unmasking all the beauty that I had been seeing. Or maybe the Lord was finally revealing the ugliness in him that I needed to see. Either way I was reminded of why we never worked out in the first place and why I should have known better. Yet still it hurt excrutiatingly.
So in an attempt to find closier for 14 years I sent him an email saying various things but one that stands out now. I asked him to, just in case I forget the pain he put me through and try to communicate with him, avoid all contact with me even if I initiate it.
The sad thing is, is that the heart is resilient (that part is beautiful), it can be broken but mended, cut but stiched, I know I will forget. Or worse yet but so true is that I'll remember but still choose him. I'll choose him because like I thought when I was 12 I can't do any better. "Kaden likes me? No way could a boy that cute like me." The tune has a changed a bit but still rings true Kaden likes me? No other guy would like me if he truely knew me. Kaden knows some pretty secret things about me and was willing to marry me. Why should I, a girl who has her fair share of sin, expect anything better than a guy who half heartdly loves her and worse yet the Lord?
The questions have turned and turned and the tears have poured and poured. I'm still left with all these questions and concerns, doubts and fears. I was reading a friends blog post about a book she was getting ready to read. The top ten reasons why singleness is on the rise. She gave a bit of a summary from the back and listed the top 10 reasons. I felt like I could relate to 8 of the 10. That is a scary thing, to know that I am letting my own fears stop me, my own insecurities hinder me and what God may want to do through me. I am essentially telling God that He is not in control of my past, present, or future. And that He can't make something that once was hideous, something beautiful.
That's not the sweet nothings I want to whisper to my God. That's not what I wanted to say at all.
You see, I started dating a boy we'll call "Kaden" when I was 12 years old. I remember how it started. We were at church camp where too many tragic love stories begin. My friends ran down the hill to tell me that Kaden had a crush on me. Now, I had always known Kaden and thought that he was very cute, but never thought I had a chance with him. Even at the ripe young age of 12 I had self defeating thoughts! So, blushing I denied it and brushed them off. The Sunday after church camp he passed a note to me that said no lie "Do you like me? Check yes or no" I didn't check a box because even at 12 I was already thinking I want to keep this to remember forever and share with our kids, talk about jumping the gun! I figured I could just tell him face to face.
***As a side note, as I'm writing this, I'm astounded at how much you can tell about me when I was 12 now 14 years later.***
So, I'm not sure how the rest of it played out but I remember at youth group that night we were a "thing". Nothing had really changed but it was now somehow different. I couldn't make normal eye contact with him, I couldn't sit by him, we didn't hold hands. We simply had the title and awkwardness between. A sign of fantastic things to come I'm sure.
Well, later that week I was sick of our "long distance relationship", we went to different middle schools, so I broke up with him for the first time. And so it began. We have now spent the past 14 years playing that same game one of us liking the other, dating, breaking up for various reasons. 14 years later and I am now devastated.
While I was in college Kaden enrolled for the Army. The fear of him leaving and the thrill of a summer together left us what I've always called quazi engaged without a ring. I loved him as much as I knew how and at this point I think he loved me as much as he knew how. Two people who don't know a thing about love trying to love each other now literally living hundreds of miles apart was not a good thing. As I grew intellictually and spirtitually, he trained to fight for and protect our country. Our paths were headed in completely different directions; mine wherever the Lord led, his wherever the army took him. After much prayer and heartache I again decided to end things with him because he didn't passionately love the Lord like I'd always desired my future husband to. This was truely the end of this saga we'd had, so I thought.
A year later and desperately seeking to find myself I called him out of the blue and we finally talked about things we'd avoided for the past year and became nakedly honest with each other. It was one of the most beautiful things I've been apart of. There was some healing for my heart in that moment. What I didn't realize was I all I had done was put a bandaid over a gapping wound that needed some serious medical attention.
Every year from that point on we subconciously made it a habbit to find each other and try to rekindle things. Every year it was this search to see if the Lord had changed him, if this was our time, if things were different now. Every time though it was a resounding no. Sometimes I would listen obediently and run the other way and other times I would linger in the realtionship till I could stand the conviction no longer. They were almost like emotional "bootycalls". Either way I was sinning against a Holy God.
Just recently Kaden of course made his yearly appearance in my life. Things seemed to be different. He spoke of the Lord as if He were a person he had a realtionship with, not a distant realtive like before. He seemed far more caring than he had ever been in my whole life of knowing him. He seemed "ready". With a 14 year history of an onagain/offagain relationship when things start up again they don't start up slowly. They pick up right where they left off, which for us was an egagement period. Emotionally, I think within a few days of actually being around him I was right back in the saddle of loving him.
So much so in fact that I invited him to enter my adult world in Hannibal. This world had never been tainted by him or one of our dramatic break ups. It was a blank canvas, much like our "newly" developing realtionship. Things were different, so I thought.... but my oh my how the heart lies.
He later revealed his true colors unmasking all the beauty that I had been seeing. Or maybe the Lord was finally revealing the ugliness in him that I needed to see. Either way I was reminded of why we never worked out in the first place and why I should have known better. Yet still it hurt excrutiatingly.
So in an attempt to find closier for 14 years I sent him an email saying various things but one that stands out now. I asked him to, just in case I forget the pain he put me through and try to communicate with him, avoid all contact with me even if I initiate it.
The sad thing is, is that the heart is resilient (that part is beautiful), it can be broken but mended, cut but stiched, I know I will forget. Or worse yet but so true is that I'll remember but still choose him. I'll choose him because like I thought when I was 12 I can't do any better. "Kaden likes me? No way could a boy that cute like me." The tune has a changed a bit but still rings true Kaden likes me? No other guy would like me if he truely knew me. Kaden knows some pretty secret things about me and was willing to marry me. Why should I, a girl who has her fair share of sin, expect anything better than a guy who half heartdly loves her and worse yet the Lord?
The questions have turned and turned and the tears have poured and poured. I'm still left with all these questions and concerns, doubts and fears. I was reading a friends blog post about a book she was getting ready to read. The top ten reasons why singleness is on the rise. She gave a bit of a summary from the back and listed the top 10 reasons. I felt like I could relate to 8 of the 10. That is a scary thing, to know that I am letting my own fears stop me, my own insecurities hinder me and what God may want to do through me. I am essentially telling God that He is not in control of my past, present, or future. And that He can't make something that once was hideous, something beautiful.
That's not the sweet nothings I want to whisper to my God. That's not what I wanted to say at all.
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