Wednesday Things

1. Do I even need to tell you how thrilled I am that my Cardinals are movin' and shakin' in the post-season? Now, in all honesty I must confess that I did think it wouldn't be the most terrible thing if they didn't go to the post season... because well my life kind of gets put on hold when we are in the post season. Late nights. Stats updates. Lower work performance. It's a bit exhausting but here we are and now WE MUST WIN.

2. Do you remember last year's World Series Song? What do you think it will be this year? This or maybe this?

3. Let's talk about my love of sweet potatoes and my love of cheesecake and how this just happened.

4. We all know my thoughts on my own singleness. I'm pretty vocal about it. I pray not in an obnoxious way, but more in a oh she wants to be married, I know a single guy that would be great for her way. Please tell me if I become this. Seriously..... seriously.

5. "I think singles must feel more acutely than most that we are 'aliens and strangers' in this world." 1 Peter 2:11. Want to read more, go here.

6. I blingged out a pumpkin tonight. I feel pretty bad about it. Like I've gone all Good Hair on it. This poor little pumpkin was just fine, even quite lovely in its natural orange state but then I came along and was all like, wouldn't you be prettier if you were white and sparkling. I know what you're saying... it's a pumpkin! But shall we just recall that I'm the girl who's beside herself with joy that I haven't killed my plant and I've had it for a month. You want to know what I do to keep it alive? I talk to it. Yep. Telling it how pretty it is and how badly I want it to live. I stroke its tender little leaves and I like never water it. Like ever. Except one time. Literally once and it's still alive. I think I've found my plant soul mate.

7. I got an awesome hair cut a few weeks ago. And I love my salon because they "teach" me as they go. I'm not a great learner when it comes to this stuff none the less I try real hard. Any way, I spent an inordinate amount of money to buy this shampoo especially meant for women with curly hair like mine. So you can imagine my shock after buying specialty shampoo and conditioner and going to a salon that knows how to cut curly hair when I found this rouge straight hair in my head among the gray scatterings. Such was my shock that I started snapping pictures in the fitting room.

8. I successfully missed watching the presidential debates tonight. I think this has got me pretty well covered and if not that than this should offer some help before voting day.

9. Um.... along with these political ads being over I'm wishing scary movie/show previews were over too. Driving down the highway today I saw a billboard for a haunted house with a creepy mask on it Because creepy masks aren't scary enough until they're plastered on billboards.

10. I'm turning 30 in T-minus 2 months and I still don't have an evening face washing routine. Things I thought I should have down by now. Discuss.
....no but seriously...

buses and men {it's hard waiting for either}

Bus! She sees them lined up outside waiting for her. It's been a long day, a long wait for the bus. She hits and claws as she is escorted to her next activity only wanting to be going to the bus. Bus! she yells dropping to the floor, crying. All she wants is the bus that will carry her away from this place to where she longs to be. She doesn't know that I want the bus for her too, that I'm not withholding the bus from her. She doesn't understand that it's just not time yet. Bus time is near but not quite yet.

Even as I write this I cry just as I did that exhausting day. I cried because it was a little message to me. Let's make me "She", "Bus" husband, and "I" God.

Husband! I see them lined up outside waiting for me. It's been a long wait for a husband. I hit and claw or yell and cry as I'm led to my next phase in life, only wanting a husband. Husband! I yell, dropping to the floor, crying. All I want is a husband that will carry me away from this place of loneliness to where I long to be. I don't know that God wants a husband for me too, that He's not withholding a husband from me. I don't understand that it's just not time yet. Marriage is near but not quite yet.

Watching her throw a fit, knowing that the clock was ticking and soon enough our day would be over and she would have bus, gave me so much more patience and compassion for her as I saw myself.

I don't want to waste anymore of my life weeping and whaling over buses. God has told me, no good thing will He withhold from me. If I don't have it right now, I don't need it right now.

Here's what my sweet friend Ashlie from Ashlie Writes said that I desperately needed to hear:

This morning I'm thinking of the sweet soul who is dried up and discouraged in a situation or season that has been dragging on for what seems like forever...God hears you. You're not alone. Keep trusting, even if you don't "see" any progress. God has a way of working in ways that we don't see...and that's where faith comes in. If your faith is weak today, know that you are being held up in prayer :) God is into bringing life into what seems dead, rebuilding the broken, restoring what seems lost, and bringing the surviving to a place of thriving. It doesn't always look the way we think it should...but remember He is always GOOD. Hang in there!! Rain IS coming to your wilderness :)

"For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." - Isaiah 43:19

weekend

Crunchy leaves.
Lake.
Cardigans.
Autumnal colors.
Friends.
Chilled breezes.
Late night.
Star gazing.
Tender moments.
S'mores.
Obnoxious singing.
Ice cream and diet cokes.
Hay.
Candy Corn.
Sweet children.
Laughter.
Tears.
Worship.
Naps.
Secret smiles.
And inside jokes.
Country music.
Quiet moments.

I. Love. This. Season.

Wednesday Things

1.Hallelujah! Blogger finally got my message and fixed the dang thing so spell check is back! I'll go ahead and tell you I've been writing in word cause I just like to type and have the freedom to mess up, knowing that a red line will pop up for my every mistake! I ride or die by the red line. That's right, I said it. Ride. Or. Die. Nope it doesn't make sense but that's how I roll over here! Whaaa.

2. OMGersh! Have you been counting down? Because I have. 3-0 in 2 months. WHAT!!! Where has the time gone. I was like oh I'll do that before I'm thirty and look at that, here I am 2 months and some days before 30. So... there's that. I may or may not have panic attacks occasionally about this fact. Some days there's so much excitement I could almost burst because somewhere in my head 30 will look like Sex and the City minus all the sex. Then other days I come back to reality, seeing my life looking a bit more like 13 Going on 30 except more on the 13 side.

3. Speaking of. I've fancied myself listening to the radio more these days. Ask me why? I have NO idea. Scratch that I have 3 ideas.(1, 2, 3) These three songs came on in a row today and I had to remind myself I was not 16 years old. If you're ever in the area and you pass a wild curly haired girl driving down the highway drumming on the steering wheel, seemingly singing at the top of her lungs with choreographed shoulder and hand moves it's me. Don't ask questions. Just know that 1 of these 3 songs is playing and I've exited mature adulthood for 4 minutes or more.

4.Did you read this? Cause I'm just putting it out there, I DO! 

5. And can I eat about a 10 of these a day and never get sick...ever?

6. Are we going to talk about this? But could we not talk about how bad I am with names. Like how I, even to this day, get Ryan Gosling mixed up with Jon Gosselin. I was all like what's the big whoop with Ryan Gosling. Is he what we're considering a heart throb these days. Yowzers! I now know the error of my ways. 

7. While we're at what we're not going to talk about, we're also not talking about how much I cry at Parenthood... every week...multiple times an episode. uggghh.
8. I may have fallen asleep with my laptop in bed with me. I may have realized I will never be that parent who has babies sleeping in the bed with them. I mean I know this slimline computer is lacking those precious chubby cheeks, rolly legs, tiny facial features, gurgles, and that sweet baby smell. *sigh*
9. If this is true. I need to be apologizing for like nearly every conversation I have.... pleeeeease tell me their wrong.
10. I'm going camping this weekend. I mean staying in a cabin and having mostly DElicious meals prepared. What?

with eyes wide open

It’s officially Autumn weather here in the STL. Maybe even a bit cooler than the average October. I don’t mind though, cause that means necessary layers which I love, but which looks and feels terrible in the summer. I don’t, however, like to layer it up while I’m at home. It’s a very strange thing. I actually wear as little clothing as possible while still maintaining proper roommate etiquette all throughout the year. So when I’m home and freezing cause we don’t want to turn the heat on there’s a problem.

The problem with turning the heat on so early though is that she wins. She, being Mother Nature and I look and feel like a wuss. She pulled a fast one here though. One day it was literally 83 degrees and the very next day it was 53. Wuss! Oh my word, I was such a wuss. I pulled out my heater fan, which I just think is the best thing ever, and warmed myself up.

However brilliant heater fans are, they are big energy suckers for being such small things.  None the less, my roomy had the same wussing out- heater fan experience. One thing led to the other and we flipped our breaker. Not such a big deal on a Saturday morning at 4 am when everyone gets up to their cell phone alarm anyway. It was a bigger deal when I was in the shower at 7 and the lights went out. You never really know just how dark those windowless interior rooms are until you’re unexpectedly left in the dark… in the shower, potentially already having your eyes closed… because it’s 7 in the morning on a Saturday… and you’re still not quite awake.

As I stood in that shower for those few confusing moments of darkness I thought about……. how dark it was. I know, pretty profound right? But really it was for me. I often do close my eyes in the shower and in those moments I could not tell whether my eyes were opened or closed. That’s how dark it was. But then the lights came back on and I could clearly tell darkness from light- eyes shut or eyes open.

2 Corinthians 4:4 says “In their case (those who are perishing vs.3) the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.”

I thought about how the god of this world, Satan, works and how he so blinds people that when they are in the dark they don’t know when their eyes are opened or when their eyes are shut. When in darkness, they don’t know that they are necessarily in darkness. It all looks the same with eyes open or with eyes shut.

But then light comes. John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”  When the light comes it clearly distinguishes between dark and light. I know for certain whether my eyes are opened or closed. Even if I chose to keep them closed I know that light is on the other side.

Matthew 4:16 says “the people who walked in darkness have seen a great light,… on them a light has dawned.” 

 A light has graciously dawned on those who believe. It was no work that we did to make the light shine, it simply did and at that moment our eyes were opened. We don’t yell at physically impaired blind people to see because they in themselves cannot change their circumstances. Likewise, it is pointless to yell at a spiritually blind person. Instead, with eyes wide open, we speak of what light is like and pray that they too would have eyes pried open stepping out of darkness into glorious light.

what's in a name?

{Here on Hodiamont}


Peppermints. Who could have known but an 80 year old woman and the bottom of her purse how wildly popular peppermints would be among neighborhood kids. It’s hilarious. We gave some to some kiddos today and they began to pound down the door in droves asking for peppermints. In one batch of kids there was not one face that I recognized. So I asked them their names. Remember. Promise. Joy. Patricia. It seems as though someone got the short stick in the game of meaningful names.

Seriously though, when I heard them first come out of their mouths I was like whaaa these are some crazy names. Specifically Remember and Promise (who is a boy). But as I looked at them and thought about this very season in my own life their names became so beautiful and priceless to me. I don’t know that I’ll explicitly name my child remember or promise but a name meaning those very words is quite possible.

I’m sure when the day comes for me to have children I’ll want their names to be meaningful, some how embodying all the wrestling I went through with God to have them. I’ll need it for myself to remember the kindness of the Lord but also for them. For those days when I just don’t want to be a mom, when I don’t want to step back and discipline in love. When I don’t want to be patient or gentle. When I just want them to be in bed silent and asleep or saying respectful kind words to mommy. I’ll need those names repeating in my head as I’ve said them over and over throughout the day. Names like I longed and He provided, I wept and He saw, He heard my cries and answered, He is near to the brokenhearted. Names that are not just true for this season of waiting in my life but that are true forever about Him; faithful, good, provider, redeemer, Savior, Creator, God Almighty. I’ll just go ahead and tell you I’m not naming a child of mine God Almighty. So… there’s that. (sigh of relief).

At first glance it does seem as if peppermint Patty got the short stick in meaningful names but in reality her name is just as meaningful. Noble. Gentle, dignified, and excellent. So, I will Remember the Promise of my Noble Father with Joy.





“There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. ‘Tom, I’d like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.’ These days Trajedi” –George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Garbage Over Glory

{Here on Hodiamont}
I was eating eggs looking out my huge front windows that open up to the courtyard below and the parking lot with the dumpster to the side. If I sit in the right spot I can look over all the buildings and just see trees. I can imagine it a quaint little spot in the city. Our apartment is warm, cozy, and inviting. It's easy to just kind of get lost up here. To hear the laughter and voices of children and families below but not actually ever really see them. On this day I was taking time to see them. To watch them. Had someone looked up at me watching them it might have looked a little strange but the Lord was speaking truth to my heart and I could not pry my eyes away.

Behind the overflowing dumpster sat 2 mattresses. Mattresses meant to be picked up with the other trash in the coming days. Trash that’s teeming with bacteria, bugs, and I’m sure rodents of sorts. The dumpster’s sides caked with food remnants, trash from bathroom’s, and unwanted filth. Still, behind this dumpster, just mere feet from it sat these mattresses on the ground. I looked on as children began to come out to play. Where else would they go but to the mattresses. Trampolines, to the children here. Others got out their soccer balls and began kicking them in the middle of the parking lot, having no regard for the vehicles they may hit accidentally. All the while a park lay on the opposite end of the dumpster lot. A park that has play ground equipment to swing on and jump off. A park that has a soccer field with a goal setup. This beautiful park sits right next to the parking lot that the children play in. They’d rather play in the dumpster and cramped spaces than to enjoy the park that’s built for what they actually want to do.

As I stared at them I thought of myself. I too, often choose the dumpster. I choose to jump on the bedbug ridden mattresses rolling around in trash rather than the park that I can see from my squalor. I choose my sin over and over again though God has given me, through Jesus, freedom from the sin that bound me and a direct path to abundant life. I imagine myself jumping on those mattresses and thinking about the green fields I’d want to run in, thinking about the freedom that I want to have if only I could get to the park.

The park is here. The way is clear. I need but to step out of the filth that so easily entangles me. To choose the green grass instead of the trash. To choose the swings instead of the mattresses. To choose life instead of death. The thing is though, that sometimes as disgusting and putrid as this trash is, I just can’t say no. Hallelujah for Yahweh knowing that about me. Knowing that I would choose garbage over glory. So, He placed His very Spirit in me that leads me away from the garbage I desire, to the glory He has destined. Amen and amen for a God who sees and knows me and has provided the way for me.