Wednesday Things

1. So, I had a contest to see who had the best Pumpkin Spice Latte. This place won and then when friends went to get the freshly made maple pumpkin latte they were all out. Ummm... sorry about that. But can you blame them? I mean everything is fresh. Like straight up fresh pumpkin. Like straight up real maple syrup. Yum!
2.We had some wild crazy storms tonight that beat against my windows that bowed with the wind. I had visions of them shattering and cutting my retna. I then made an action plan if such a thing were to happen. Step one, pre-dial 911. This isn't the first time I've pre-planned an action plan in case of emergency. I kind of do it all the time.
3. Remember all those times I've been like Tuesdays blow!? Well, I just experienced my Tuesday night tv line up and I have to say it blows a lot less. I won't be productive at all after 7 but in between commercials. New Girl, Ben and Kate (still debating), another New Girl, The Mindy Project, Parenthood. Oh my! Pretty fantastic. Can we just talk about how I nearly pee myself laughing with Mindy? Can we not talk about how that's 3 hours of my life I'll never get back wasted on tv? It's not that big of a deal if that's all the tv I watch in a week, right? Well, besides Parks and Rec and potentially The Office since it's the last season.... So, turns out I might end being a couch potato on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Whatevs
4. Have you heard about the bacon shortage! Heart break! I think I might make a sausage stuffed pork tenderloin wrapped in bacon.

I googled this and it's legit! Go here for the recipe!

5. Have you seen this! Holy moly!
6. I don't know that I've shared with you my love for drumlines. Like, I was a bit obsessed with the movie. Like when I hear one I stop in my tracks and am filled with joy. Like I hear one practicing in the distance every Tuesday morning when I arrive to work, which I think is the only thing that helps me get through that day. Like watching a competition could be top 5 on my bucket list. Love them!
7. I don't know what the what Gangnam style is, nor how to pronounce it. Cause I may be calling it gingham style, which I'm quite postive is not what all the rage is about right now. So, I urban dictionaried it and I still don't get it but the song is catchy.
8. Even better combine number 6 and 7 and you get this!

9. Lets talk about number 9? Maybe not, too soon.
10. And these apple cider floats. WHAAA! Umm.. yes. You know I love me some fall! And these seem easy enough for me to actually make and enjoy!

Happy Wednesday~XXO

Oh Won’t You Be My Neighbor

There are a plethora of kiddos in the new place. Always a knock on the door asking for mints, selling for some fundraiser, or just wanting to chat. We open the door to the nations in our complex. Children from every ethnic background standing on my porch. Sometimes , when I just don’t have the time to entertain a slew of kids, I just look through the peep hole at their sweet little faces. It’s amazing really. Some of these kids I know from doing ministry in the community. Others I’ve seen around. And still others I meet as they bombard the front door.

The other day 2 little ones came over. And being an apartment of 3 educators we invited them in on the basis of if they could answer grade level questions. Once they were in we chatted a bit and I found myself being curled into by a kiddo who was looking at recipes with me, helping me decide what to make for the night. It was one of the weirdest/sweetest things. I had just met this little one and they already felt safe enough in our presence to be themselves. I loved that. I must say at the exact time that I felt honored to be trusted so much I thought of how I hadn’t actually earned that trust and how easily they trusted nearly anyone. I pray for their protection as they gallivant around the complex. That God would continue to bring them to trustworthy people.

A few days ago I was leaving for the evening, when a kiddo I used to tutor saw me and came running yelling my name. She plowed into me with a huge hug, which apparently set off the other kids who came running hugging me as well. I set my coffee down on the roof of my car and continued the hug fest. Prying them off of me, I said my goodbyes and got into my car. Savoring living in the community I do, I grabbed my coffee and took a drink to only be initially repulsed by the smell of my own hands. In the throws of all the hugging, my hand must have slipped into a child’s armpit. Any armpit is pretty nasty but a kiddos armpit is like 20 times worse because they haven’t yet experienced deodorant. As I recalled whose pit it might have landed in I was overcome with gratitude that I am a place of safety, trust, and hugs for many of the kids here. Drinking my coffee with the smell of the pit still lingering didn’t bother me as much then and in fact was kind of endearing.

There is never a dull moment here. Never. People always coming and going. Children always running and playing. Mothers and fathers lingering on sidewalks talking, laughing, and listening to music. A father in the community died unexpectedly last week in a car accident. The mother attempted suicide this weekend. Today a fight broke out between two Sunday picnickers. It’s never dull.

Always opportunities to engage, to pray, to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting community. Always opportunities to be loved on, cared for, laughed with, and talked to.

I love this place. It’s only been 3 weeks. I know I’ve yet to experience all the community has to offer; the good, the bad, and the ugly but the Lord is bringing me to a place of seeing it all and knowing before my eyes ever beheld it He saw. He cared. He burdened hearts to enter in. It’s small and seemingly insignificant but He is working on Hodiamont.



Here's a picture that has nothing to do with what I just wrote,
 but I know people love pictures. This is from our recent church
picnic in the park.

Starbucks vs Kaldis {Pumpkin Spice Latte challenge}

It’s officially fall and I can barely contain myself. I want to eat pumpkin at every meal and a pumpkin spice latte every morning. OMGersh! So at the first hint of fall, a day of fall festivals at that, I set out on the search to find the best pumpkin spice latte. At the likelihood of sounding like Goldilocks and the 3 bears I’m going to tell you about each of the stops. Stop 1 was Dunkin Donuts. Another blogging friend raved about their iced pumpkin spice latte. I had to try it! I wish I hadn’t started with this one. I think one of the factors I love most about the PSL is the warmth on a brisk fall day. I can’t cuddle up to ice or a drink that smells so warm yet feels so cold. Besides the ice, the combination was so sugar heavy. I like the bitterness of coffee. This drink masked that and while at it masked the actual pumpkin flavor. Oh, it was a sad start. Next was stop 2, Panera (or for the St. Louisans who refuse to acknowledge it as such, St. Louis bread company). Learning my lesson from DD, I got the hot latte. Holding the cup in my hands gave me visions of knitting/crocheting cozies for all my to go cups (that I actually don’t yet own because I’m actually not all that “green”). None the less, I took A sip and nearly wanted to spew. If DD was “sugar heavy” Panera topped the block with just straight up sugar. I like sugar like anyone else but it was SERIOUSLY disturbing how like syrup their pumpkin spice latte was. And that was before I even stirred up the whip cream that sat on top. Ick! I’ve never been more disappointed in Panera. Well, except for the time someone told me about finding a tooth in their salad! A TOOTH. Next, stop 3 at Starbucks. Now, the dilemma here is I know it’s going to be good. In years past I’ve gone here because there was no question as to if I would like their Pumpkin Spice Latte. It’s Starbucks for Pete’s sake. Coffee is what they do. Fudge on the coffee and you fudge on a multibillion dollar corporation. The question here wasn’t will I like it, but is it the best. So, to make this decision I brought in a friend of mine and we shared small PSLs from here and stop 4, Kaldis. Now, I have to tell you I likey the Kaldis. The hipster in me prefers it to the world renowned Starbucks only because it’s a smaller business and more local”ish”. I myself was skeptical of Kadlis ability to make a great PSL.

Our conclusion: Starbucks pumpkin spice latte is delicious. It is the faithful friend you can call up any time of day for the perfect blend of bitter and sweet. It’s so good. But Kaldis. Kaldis’ Maple Pumpkin Latte is the friend that is the same kind of bitter as you in the morning. It has the undertone of sweet but the face value of what you really need in the morning, a good wake me up. It is bitter without being harsh and is absolutely scrumptious! So for our little survey here Kaldis is the winner. However, that does not negate the fact that Starbucks is still delicious and will be had for nostalgia by this girl throughout the season. But when I need coffee to speak some bitter truth to this groggy soul it will be Kaldis.

from the bitter

Do you ever feel like you have just fallen behind on life? That's where I am these days. A bitterness creeping in because I can't find time to wipe my mirrors down or go on a date. To figure out what the hell  that film is on my car windows or have a baby. A feeling of complete distance from a dream I thought I was pursuing only to realize one day 3 months have gone by and I haven't actually moved one step closer to making that a reality. The feeling of epic sized failure when I think about the last time I communicated with those friendships that are dependent on me to stay alive. And then more bitterness that so many of my friendships are like this only given the justification that I am  single and childless so it's easier for me to make contact.

Oh the bitterness. My friends, it's an ugly place to be at, I know, but I think there's actually freedom in admitting everything is not "ok". There's freedom in saying this phase blows.  There's freedom to not put on a fake smile and pretend, but to instead just be real.  That's where I am.

I don't write this to receive some pep talk or weak "sympathetic" smile. I also don't want your scolding for using the word "hell" or for saying I'm not content in my singleness. Don't bother to tell me God's waiting for me to be "REALLY content in Him" because I could really smack the content off of someones face. I write this because I need to vent and my hand cramps when I write for longer than 5 minutes. Thanks technology. I write this because maybe there's someone who needs to know God can handle my frustration. And not just my frustration but my flat out anger and disappointment. All of my hurts, brokeness, and sin, He can handle it and isn't put off by me. He alone can also know my heart. To know that I will NEVER be able to love anyone the way I love Him. To know that I'm shaken to the core some nights at the overwhelming thought of His majesty and profound love for me. It's because of this confidence in my postion as His beloved daughter that I'm safe to be angry, to be hurt, to be frustrated, to be discontent. He doesn't change. My standing with Him doesn't change. His deep love for me doesn't change. And just because I'm angry or discontent with my postion in life right now it doesn't mean that my love for Him has wained any. Does He piss me off with His timing or seeming silence? Absolutely! But I still know His good intentions and that everything He does or doesn't do is motivated by love. I still know He is faithful. He is good. He is true to His promises even if I don't fulfill my side of the deal. I write this because sometimes I just need to preach truth to myself.

That time that I posted my Monday post on Wednesday night

I knew it was going to be a manic Monday when I woke up to the slam of my roommate shutting the door behind her. I scanned my clocks and alarms and realized either they never want off or I never heard them. My mind focuses on the music playing and I realize I've set my alarm to music. In a whim of, I wonder if I'll be happier when I wake up to music rather than an alarm. Problem is, I don't wake up to music.
And besides that, the dream I apparently couldn't lure myself away from went a little bit like this: I was hacking up something at an Opera like event. Running to the bathroom because I thought I might spew I ran into The X. Like literally ran into him. Hand covering mouth, head down, more like charged him. Choking on whatever nastiness was coming up I waved apologies and continued on. Graphic events occurred between me and my spit. I walk out to find such drama taking place. X's new lady has found her old guy. My friend is with her guy. X is yelling at me for charging him and her for leaving him. I am glad to be alive and loogie free. (Is that too much? That seems so gross, but the dream was centered around it. reason #12  why I'm single for a reason?) Anyhow, happy as a clam was I that instead of arguing back with him I simply apologized and walked everyone back to my balcony seats where we all sat happily ever after. What! Dreams are strange.
Another problem is that there are 3 cartons of eggs in our miniature fridge. I was going to have eggs for breakfast but out of habit made cereal instead. So, I'm thinking I'm going I have to try my hand at quiche if we're ever getting rid of all these eggs.
I know these things are not the real equivalent of a manic Monday but to happen in the span of 30 mins after waking up was feeling like it. I wish Sunday was my fun day, an I don't have to run day. Instead it was a busy busy day and now the new week is already here.
At least it's not Tuesday though!

Happy Birthday to my favorite curly brown haired niece! You are my favorite thing about today.

I'm alive and other babble

Hey so remember that time I was like Oh hey guys, just getting settled into the new place but will come back to blogland soon. Smooches and kissypoos.

Umm... ya, about that... It's 11:00 pm as I begin to type this and I'm thinking about all the other stuff that I've yet to get started on like I said I was going to this week; like reading the rest of the information for an interview I have later this week over doctrine and theology. Who's life is this!? When did I start having interviews over doctrine and theology and when did I become so almost relaxed over an interview about such big words that I wouldn't be studying my ACE off for the past 3 weeks. I'm also taking an online class that I haven't even visited the sight in oh lets say 3 weeks. So glad it's "go at your own pace" and "not actually for a grade". Problem is though, that after 3 weeks and a move I'm not sure that I even remember my password. Fail.
Let's also talk about how much I hated this move for various reasons but maybe the number one reason because I broke all my daggum fingernails! I mean to tell you every last one of them are gone! SO now I've got these stubs for fingers and haven't had the time to even paint them. SO what I'm telling you is that I have man hands right now and have for 2 weeks. 2 weeks people! I'll also just put it out there that I may or may not be going on 3 weeks in row of wearing my hair up in a pony or a bun. Not because I'm reminiscing ballerina days (because I didn't have any) rather because I haven't had time nor ambition to go shopping for my awesome shampoo/conditioner. So I've been using crudy shampoo and let me just tell you, once your hair folicals go fancy they don't take to going back to cheapo kindly.
I told you it's been a rough move, ... for all of me.
But a positive is, just today I got to partake in Dunkin Donuts Pumpkin Spice Iced Latte. I wasn't supeer impressed with the drink, just loved that it's time to have pumpkin spiced everything in my life again. OH I LOVE IT!
Autumn, love of my life, is also a season where I feel particulary in the mood for a relationship with a man. For clarity purposes I also tend to be in this mood Winter, Summer, and Spring. So... feeling particulary in need of a husband and a child today I bought a cactus. I know the two thoughts may not coincide for you but it makes since for my life right now.
I can't possibly manage a dog, cat, bunny, or hammster for that matter. A pet bird is ludicris for me, I'd rather just put birds on everything I own (thank you Portlandia). I've killed every other plant that has come into contact with my hands. Orchids, supposedly as easy as 1 ice cube however often, KILLED IT. I can't just run up to a local grocery and purchase a family and even if I could I wouldn't actually have time to be a wife and mother to them this month... so cactus it was. I only have to water it once a month! That's amazing! So, I'll name it like it's a pet, talk to it like a husband, and care for it like a child. I may or may not be posting pictures later. FYI- that usage of may or may not actually meant I might post pictures, I'm not really sure yet. I know I've used it other times to signify that I definitely did or am going to to so something. Just wanted to clear that up for you.
It's officially 2 hours and 19 minutes passed my bedtime of which I've yet to abide by since moving. So... I should probably go to sleep now.