Go Ahead and Sing Along

Today while driving I remembered the best summer concert! Now on my Autumn playlist, none other than Sara Bareilles. It's ok, turn up the volume and rock out, who made them king of anything? 

Sadly, this isn't the first time.

I didn't even feel it coming on. I left Weaver Home. Nothing. Jumped out to pick up the gorgeous wooden box on the side of the road. Nothing. Stopped to pump gas. Nothing. Finished pumping gas. BAM! Just like that, there it was.

Waddle to the gas station or drive home? Gas station or sit? Waddle across parking lot or sit and possibly lose? No way will I make it home, so I began the waddle. I felt how ridiculous I looked, so I waddled around to my door, said a prayer and sat. Holding. Swing in feet. HOlding. Get adjusted to drive. HOLding.

Driving home I realized I had to stop by the ATM to deposit my checks from today. That bit of gas just may break me these days. Speeding through yellow light. HOLDing. While I'm at the ATM I think of how much humbling has come to me this year. I ask God to please spare me this embarrassment. I notice the camera on the ATM and laugh at the thought of some person watching me talk to myself. HOLDIng.

Money deposited, I do my usual whip around the machine forgetting there is the mother of all obstacles in a circumstance such as this, the speed BUMP. HOLDINg. Driving through the rest of the unusually rugged parking lot. HoLdInG.

Pulling into my parking spot at home, thanking God , I see the bag I need to take inside on the floor of the passenger side, requiring quite a bit of bending. Oh dear LORD! I prep myself for the dash; open and lock door, grab bag, shut door, and waddle like mad.

Deep breath... I make a dash for it. Door, lock, bag, door, waddle, stairs. Stairs? Stairs! HOLDING!

I get the front door unlocked, which if you've ever been to my house you know what a feat that is, drop my bags and waddle for it.

Just in time. Thank God!

{Link Love}

I would be a vegetarian if I didn't like this! Pioneer Woman didn't know bacon was another one of my love languages.

Another sweety I'll be sporting in my hair soon. Thanks to House of Smiths.

And you all know how I love organization! Check this out at Sugar Fresh.

Can you even stand how great this looks!

My Own Home Sick

Even with help from the Spanx I didn't get the job. Which of course sent me into a bit of tizzy, ranting and raving at God. Thank God He can handle me in my disappointments.

In the midst of my tears I found myself crying over my things. I just wanted to use my stuff. To feel my towels that have been tucked away. To eat from my Asian ornate plates with my squared top utensils. I just wanted to see all of my fall decorations, not just the iron pumpkin I could reach. It's been a year of using someone else's things. It's been a year of looking at mine packed in boxes stacked on top of each other. It's been a year of someone else's home. I'm wanting my own. My own space, my old things.

So I did what any bitter, homesick girl would do. I unpacked.

 I didn't take everything out. I just looked. Telling my things I loved them, I hadn't forgotten them, they would not be in there forever.   

Christmas Decorations

Fall and Valentines Day Decorations

And I realized maybe, just maybe that's what God was telling me too, "I love you, I haven't forgotten you, you will not be there forever."   

Friendly Friday

Autumn always makes me miss Home. The beautiful trees, winding roads, hayrides, the football games. Oh I love the gentle smell of wood starting to burn in those dusty fireplaces. Most of all though, I love the warmth of a home. The dim lighting, the savory smells, the open windows. Ah, it makes me want to cuddle right now.

And it makes me miss B. B's house always feels like Autumn. There is always something delicious being made, some gathering being held. People + Food = Love There has never been a time at B's that I haven't felt completely wrapped in love. She is just a phenomenal person that way. With her sassy red hair, that smile, and those hugs, it's impossible not to feel welcomed and loved.

I think another reason I just love B and why I miss her so much right now is because something about Autumn makes me want to be a little southern. To have a little twang in my speech and to shamelessly drink sweet tea. Well B does it. She can't even help but have that southern charm and she will kill a diabetic with her sweet tea but you wouldn't be able to be mad at her because you'd know she'd made it in love.

God knew what He was doing when he brought B and Jeff together. She, so beautifully and gracefully, pulls off being a pastor's wife. She is so loving, patient, and kind. I'm sure you've seen or at least heard of some pastor's wives that just can't make it. I don't blame them, marriage is hard work, but then add married to a pastor and we're talking a whole nother level of hard. The great thing about B is, I'm sure even as she's reading this, she will always attribute that gracefulness she has to God's grace. She is humble and that is beautiful.

So, B, thanks so much for all your love and encouragement even if from Home, 100 miles away.

God and Spanx

"What is this girl about to write about?" I hear you saying it. It's alright.

Today I shoved myself into my Spanx to go to yet another interview. Oh what women do to look 10 pounds thinner! At this point I'm trying to do anything I can to get a job and if looking 10 pds. less, not being able to breath properly, and being slightly irritable because that fat has not actually disappeared than daggum that's what I'll do!

Today, walking up the stairs I was having a little monologue in my brain that I invited myself to. I came in somewhere along the thought of "Alright Spanx you got me today?" rubbing my firm but still round belly. And I kid you not by the time I got to the door I sensed the very real presence that God Himself was saying, "No, I've got you." 

I know that sounds so ridiculous right!? But it meant so much to me that God would speak to me in the midst of body insecurities and anxiety over an interview. With these words I relaxed, not much though because let's remember God spoke but I was still strutting my Spanx. 

So I walked into that interview, not confident of how my love handles had sunken away, or how well my shirt now fit, but confident of the God who created me. The God who knew me in my mother's womb. The God who has a good plan for me.

And let me tell you friends, that gave me more freedom than those freaking Spanx did.    

Your Domestic Handywoman

So, I have a confession to make. Last night I watched All American Handyman on HGTV and I really liked it. I realize this isn't a life changing announcement but I just thought I would share.

I've been in domestic mode for a few months now, friends would probably say I've been in this mode for life, but recently it's been really intense. I mean like wanting to drive a swagger wagon kind of intense. Wanting to make all things homemade intense. Wanting to crochet, knit, and sew intense. Wanting to cuddle babies all day long intense. You hear what I'm saying? 

So in watching this sweet little show I was imagining My Handyman and me being His Domestic Handywoman, you know doing all things domestic:
Oh yeah My Handyman so you can install that toilet, well I can clean it. Oh yeah My Handyman you just put together an entire kitchen in 2 hours, well I'll slave over a meal in that kitchen and then clean it all in 2 hours. Oh yeah My Handyman, you can roof a dog house, well I can... well I can't find an equivalent to roofing a dog house...none-the-less...

I so appreciated these men and their ability to do tasks in a home that I just cannot or will not do. So a big thank you to all you handymen out there and a preemptive thank you to My Future Handyman (if only in my dreams). 

-Domestic Handywoman (if only in my dreams) 

Link Love

You have got to swing by and hear Stephanie's story. Completely inspiring. And she's funny which is a BONUS!

OH MY WORD! Can you even stand how good these look! Chocolate Chip Cookie Sweet Rolls! What the what! Pioneer Woman completely amazes me. She is one of my new faves.

Oh yes I am. These little satin poppy hair clips are the cutest, easiest things to make. Don't be surprised to see me rockin' one of these this Autumn!

Leave a comment and let me know what you think of my link love this week.

Wordless Weekends

Tears, Worms, and Sticky Fingers

Oh I love kids! Actually I think it’s better said that I love people. But man, nothing beats a day working with school age( 6-18) kiddos. All of my teaching career has been spent huddled comfortably in 5th grade. I like 5th grade. I understand 5th grade. I can reason with 5th grade. This summer I had the opportunity to work with teens. I’m comfortable with teens. I like teens. I can reason with teens. This broke all concepts of what age group I thought I could work with. So when I was asked if I would be interested in working with younger ones I thought, well maybe I’ve pigeon holed myself. Maybe I’m a person who really can work with all age levels. I’ve never heard of such a thing, but possibly this is what the Lord gifted me in. Maybe?


Uhhhh, NO! I had the chance to sub in a 1st grade classroom recently and I’m just saying!

Problem #1 containers of worms on the table with tiny little pieces of bedding. Ahhh! Have a told you about my OCD! Can you imagine?! The worms alone, umm not so bad but the bedding that fell off their fingers while petting their little worms was enough to drive me batty. It was all over papers, tables, chairs, and worst of all the carpet. THE CARPET y’all! You can’t just go sweeping that stuff up off of carpet, you have to leave it there all day for the janitor to get it or hands and knees it. I know you know what I did. That’s right, I picked up a hand full only to have children drop more than what I had picked up and stopped in defeat. 
 
Problem #2 the wiggles! It’s completely expected that students 5th grade and above can come into a classroom and do what’s needed to start the day. These little guys, not so much! They were just jumping with energy, as though someone had flipped their switch to vibrate and it was stuck. There was not a calm moment of the day. Always moving and shaking even when doing the right thing like reading, writing, or drawing. Still just a movin’. 
 
Problem #3 did I mention the bedding.
 
Problem #4 the tears. Oh the tears! “He looked at me wrong.” “She said I don’t do karate.” “I don’t remember.” “He runs too fast.” “She smashed my thumb with a tree stump.” On and on and on. Well, maybe that last one was valid. But good night. When logic reasoning didn’t work, I just wanted to tell them to suck it up. But that’s just not how you handle situations with fragile little ones. SO instead there was lots of squatting on afore mentioned “bedded” carpet doing conflict resolution. How exhausting!
 
Problem #5 … I don’t know if you understand how much the bedding got under my skin.


Problem #6 The constant explaining! Part of the joy of 5th grade is that even as you explain what the students are to do clearly there are some parts that they simply infer. Such as when you say we are going outside to cut off the white flowers only. They infer that they are not to pull off other flowers. Whereas precious little ones cut off white flowers splendidly but then when walking by a pretty pink flower won’t cut it (because they were told not to) but will instead yank the entire plant out of the ground. Even as you are yelling and flailing about wildly not to, because you didn’t say their name specifically because you couldn’t remember at the time they don’t stop. Just for example.  :)


Problem #7 the fear that if you make them wait to “use it” they really just might wet their pants.


Problem #8 the lack of understanding that just because you repeat something 15 times does not mean I will stop talking to another student to respond to you. Then the confusion when I don’t respond to their sticky fingers tapping my shoulder when conferring with another student.

Oh my! I don't understand 1st graders and I can't reason with 1st graders but I’ve decided that I really do like 1st graders as little people individually but a classroom full of them…. Hmmm, ya I’ll take doing almost anything else.

So, a big public thank you to all the early elementary teachers out there. I now know I cannot do your job and would not want to. Which spells job security for you! Congrats!  :)

Friendly Friday

Friday was far too overloaded for me to even attempt any writing of the sort. So, here is the overdue introduction of another dear friend.

Nicole.

I’m not sure if she spoke it first or it was simply implied by her life but my first memory of Nicole is her saying verbally or with body language “I’m married with 5 kids so don’t be offended if I don’t pursue this friendship with you.”


That was a year ago and Nicole and I are great friends. I made it a priority to intrude on her life by my random popovers and she made it a priority to let me.


She is one of the most real people I know. And I LOVE her for it. I think more than I want to admit of my life was spent thinking healthy marriages and families were picture perfect; spotless homes, immediately obedient children who respectfully disappear during adult conversation, and everything somehow always working out for the benefit of the family, and it was easy most of the time. What planet was I living on?! Then entered Nicole, who was open enough to share her real life with me, messy counters and all.

That’s where our friendship lived for the vast majority of this year, the counter. I would come in and she would always be preparing something for the kiddos or cleaning up the tornado of a mess they’d left behind. We talked about marriage, kids, singleness, God, hopes, dreams, decorating ventures, and the future over a cup of coffee and some delicious something she’d cooked up. By about the 4 month mark there was no stone unturned. She was completely vulnerable about her life which led me to share with her.

It was bound to be a special friendship from the start. We met at church retreat, where I was desperate for deep friendships in a new place and she was seeking a moment away from her children. Our paths met at just the right time and we had the opportunity over one weekend to spark a friendship. Over the course of the year we have discovered just how God ordained our friendship really is. We are so much alike, in ways only God could have paired. She is such a patient, opinionated, “free spirit”, woman, wife, mother, and friend.

What a great friendship that has grown in just a short 12 months. She has seen me in all my ugliness and depression and I have seen her in the throws of raising 5 children and maintaining a marriage and home. It’s not always pretty but it’s her and it’s real.

I so appreciate you my friend!

Get a Clue

Dear Summer,

I don't know when it happened. I don't even now how it happened but I am completely in love with Fall. I wish this wasn't so awkward, but you have got to go! I thought maybe you would get the clue when I pulled out all Fall's stuff. When you saw porches decorated with leaves, pumpkins, and hay. For Pete's sake when you noticed Halloween candy and costumes being sold. I mean maybe it wasn't completely obvious to you as I always rock a pretty sweet cardigan but I've been trying to give you the clue by adding a scarf and even searching through catalogs for flannel shirts and cowboy boots! Come now, cowboy boots?! If these things don't have Fall written all over them, I don't know what does. So, though I know I will regret this come mid winter I want to let you know I'm not interested in you anymore. Not your heat, not your mosquitoes, and not your swimsuits. But as for your friend Fall, tell him I'm in the market for a new season. hmmmm, yeah a new season, some cooking, snuggling, pumpkin muffins, and apple picking.

I like you, but I'm just not that into you anymore.

Candles and my OCD

Real quick I have to tell you the funniest thing. I was not having my biggest genius moment yesterday. A lovely candle I'm a bit addicted to has been melting weirdly. Just one side has been decreasing, while the other side stays looking brand stinking new! Well the type A OCD personality in me was quite perturbed by this. So I tried to fix it. This is what happened. Duh!

Yikes! Next time I'll just go with the candle warmer.

Can Are

Today I saw a little boy crossing the street. He struck me in his red and blue striped shirt with blue cargo shorts and his little chest puffed out to the on coming traffic. I was struck the same way when I got to meet this beautiful little girl, Julianna, who is just 1 year old. She had the sweetest haircut that I wish I myself could pull off accompanied by the sweetest little features on her round face.

The boy with his "broad" chest wasn't overcome by the thoughts of I can't _________ (fill in the blank). This sweet little girl wasn't completely consumed with thoughts of  Am I pretty. Both, with his proud stance and her round eyes can and are.

My heart ached a little bit for them. For him and his future of potentially feeling inadequate and questioning his abilities. For her, the future of possibly questioning her beauty and under estimating her worth.

Today my heart was sad for Adam, Eve, and for us. Sad that sin seemed to be the more appealing thing, the more affirming thing, the more valuable thing so long ago and today. Sad that they and we struggle with such identity crisis when our true identity is found in Christ alone. Oh, how they were so wrong. Oh, how we were so wrong. Oh, how I was so wrong.

Link Love Monday

Now, I am not the biggest fan of Halloween but don't you just LOVE this. You can do it yourself! She gives the tutorial right here.

How stinking adorable are these rings!? Want more? Slip on over to Love Stitched or visit her etsy.

And then there are these yummy things. Mini Maple Pancake Muffins. This Bakerella is always cooking up something delish!

All Things Lovely

Does anyone else adore a great porch on a picturesque fall day? There is nothing better. A cup of something spicey and delicious, a book or a friend, and maybe a throw to cuddle into. Ahhh, perfect!

Wordless Weekends

In a sea of white, she found her dress.

Friendly Friday

Well hello there friends! I'm super excited to introduce to you my new little feature that I stole from a friend over at I'm Just Sayin', Friendly Fridays. I have such amazing people in my life, I love them so much, and I just know you would too.

So I figured to kick start this thing there would be no better people to start with than my very own partners in crime over at Something New.

This year has been one of the most difficult, actually in all seriousness, the most difficult year of my life. Transition is a word I was beginning to loath. None the less there is no other way to describe this year other than a year of major life transitions. Transitions are difficult. Period. But transitioning alone... Now that is pure torture! Thank God that in His sovereignty He knew that I was not the one to be able to handle this major life change alone. So he brought me company in three ladies that were in similar life stages.

In no particular order I'd like to introduce to you the lovely ladies of Something New and 3 of my dearest new friends.

Linda is one of the tiniest yet most feisty people I know. She is ridiculously determined to support the kiddos she works with at Vashon, which is not an easy task if you know Vashon. She is also incredibly thoughtful, intelligent, and great at organizing social events. When I was lost in where to begin friendships, in stepped Linda who introduced me to all her friends and allowed me to tag along to SO many events. It was often awkward for me to be a tag along but she never gave up on me :) Aw "And Linda Too" (that's what we call her) I so very much appreciate your friendship.

Rachael is one of the most beautifully sincere people I know. She is so honest yet gentle in her delivery. I'm sure you know people who are honest but so hurtful in telling you the truth! Ahh! Not this one. There is such a sweetness in her. It's seen in the way she cares for her friendships and the way she maintains them over the years. It's seen in the way she loves her family and those who are like family to her. She loves so deeply and wears her heart on her sleeve. Not in the trample on me kind of way, but in a way that invites you into her life and to know her. I have loved knowing this beautiful friend.

Lauren is the newest to my life. She is such a delicate person of peace to me. Things may piss her off but she always maintains such composure. She seems to flutter into rooms with this beautiful smile that simply puts you at ease. There is this confident air about her, not the stuffy cocky kind, but one of strength in knowing who's she is. She is incredibly intelligent and motivated. I simply love being in her presence. She is such a breath of fresh air!

So that's them. The beautiful women of Something New that have made this something new so much more enjoyable. 

(Me, Rachael, Lauren, Linda)

L'Shanah Tova

I posted over at Something New today. Want to catch up? Zip on over there and see how I celebrated Rosh Hashanah.

May God inscribe and seal you for a good year!

African Beauties

To Adissa and Claudine

You are what we've been missing.
Tonight when you sang in your tongue, Swahili, I felt our voices become
more alive.
More vibrant.
More beautiful.
More full.
Tonight you allowed me to move beyond myself,
my issues
and really worship our Savior and our King
with you.
I was over joyed to hear you say "9 children".
My heart felt like it was near bursting
to hear you speak English so beautifully.
I did not do your Swahili any justice, even in song.
You are absolute treasures my African beauties.
Absolute treasures.   

Shaved Legs and A New Perspective

1 Peter 5:6-11

Humble yourselves, therefore,  under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober- minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.

This passage gave me so much hope today. Hope that was in the process of being lost a little bit each day. A loss that I could feel and see. I hadn't yet experienced anxiety taking a toll on me physically until this month. This month has come with a loss of hair, a loss of eaten food, and a loss of will to shower everyday much less shave my legs.

Today though, after reading this passage, I felt completely empowered. Not take on the world kind of empowerment, but the get out of bed kind. The kind that wills a person to shower. The kind that willed me to finally shave my legs.

Yea, today me and my bare shaved legs are walking the rows in the library and feeling pretty good.

Let The Games Begin

Have I told you? I've started a new blog! We'll not "I've" but "we've". Three friends and myself have started a little project that we are documenting over at Something New. You may have heard of it, 101 in 1001? No? Well let me explain it to you.
We've made a list of 101 tasks to complete in 1001 days which is essentially 2 years and 9 months. I'm excited about this little project for a multitude of reasons. 1. I love new projects 2. With my boubt of down time, I like something to occupy it 3. I'm excited to try new things 4.The challenge 

I'm sure there are other reasons but for today four reasons are going to be considered a multitude.  :)

I feel like I need to have a little strategy to complete everything. There is one task imparticular that I think I'm going to find really challenging. That's collecting a post card from every state! Ahhh! So, I figured I'd get started on that one first. Here's where you come in my lovely occasional readers and followers. If you live in a state other than MO I would love for you to send me a post card. Or if you are a traveler and think of it, pick me up a post card. I'd love to hear from you anyways! How much fun that you could be apart of this little adventure with me. If you need my address I'll gladly give it to you!

Make sure you pop on over and visit our adventure in the next 1001 days! We'd love to read your thoughts!

Learning to Float

Sometimes I feel like I've jumped ship from my own life. Like I'm barely holding my head above the crashing waves around me, as I watch the ship I was on sail away over the horizon. And in all honesty sometimes I feel like I didn't jump, but rather God pushed me out of my possibly too comfortable ship. The waves still rage and I often feel like He's abandoned me to this sea of chaos without a life vest.

Sometimes I'm glad He pushed me out of the ship. Sometimes I'm glad life isn't at all what I expected it to be. But now. Right now at 2:23 in the morning, when I can't sleep because of anxiety, because of the fear that maybe He has abandoned me, the threat that life as I know it is over, I am not glad.

That ship I was on was nice. It held promise of better things, of stability, of permanence, of never really having to rely on God for my daily bread, not really. This. This flailing about in the open sea was exhilarating in the beginning. Something new. The unknown. But the thrill has gone now. My limbs are tired from treading water and I fear that if I stop, if I let go, I'll sink. Sink so deep that there will be no chance of revival. So I must tread. I must try to stay above water.

But I've felt the waves crash overhead. I've experienced the discombobulation of not knowing up from down. And somehow, this whole time of treading I've not drown, I've received strength when I didn't think I had anything left in me, and though I don't see Him and sometimes believe He sailed away with my life, I know He has not abandoned, I know it's been His hand always lifting my head back up from the overwhelming sea.

I find myself often looking for that ship I left one way or another. Maybe I should be looking for something totally different as that ship really has sailed. My feet are not set on solid ground just yet. Every time I feel they are, the earth shifts and I lose my footing, resuming the treading position. So I'm slowly learning not to trust the ground I find and instead maybe learn to float.

Pumpkins in September

I enjoyed this delicious piece of pumpkin bread accompanied by a sweet cup of Pumpkin Spice Latte! Here's hoping you enjoy every morsel of September.

Fragile Hearts

Today as I washed my face I realized the area around my nose ring was still sensitive. Months later this little hole is still not healed and I still need to be gentle with it.

I instantly thought about my own heart. The little piercings it's had along the way and the two massive, but shrinking, holes I placed there myself. All are healing by the grace of God but every now and then there is a careless movement and I'm reminded of how fragile I am. How sensitive I am. And how gentle I must be with my breakable heart.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Pure Autumn

picture courtsey of bing.com

Hey there September, I've missed you.

I've been thinking about how much I love Fall lately, but specifically September. Though Autumn doesn't begin until the 23rd I classify all of sweet September as the purest of all the Autumn months. October and November have Halloween and Thanksgiving while September stands on it's own in the simple beauty of Fall. Nothing to enhance, just pure Autumn. Maybe it's the fact that first is generally the best. The first taste of a delicious morsel, the first kiss, the first to cross the finish line.

Now please don't get me wrong, I enjoy October and November as much as the next person but there's the newness of Autumn that's worn off by then. Which is why it's great to have these holidays tossed in there to keep you liking the season. For me though, it's never quite as much as the first.

So, in honor of the first day of the pure month of Autumn I'm doing a little Fall decorating, lighting a pumpkin spice candle, wearing orange and brown, and baking! Happy Autumn to you. (in 22 days) :)