African Beauties

To Adissa and Claudine

You are what we've been missing.
Tonight when you sang in your tongue, Swahili, I felt our voices become
more alive.
More vibrant.
More beautiful.
More full.
Tonight you allowed me to move beyond myself,
my issues
and really worship our Savior and our King
with you.
I was over joyed to hear you say "9 children".
My heart felt like it was near bursting
to hear you speak English so beautifully.
I did not do your Swahili any justice, even in song.
You are absolute treasures my African beauties.
Absolute treasures.   

Shaved Legs and A New Perspective

1 Peter 5:6-11

Humble yourselves, therefore,  under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober- minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.

This passage gave me so much hope today. Hope that was in the process of being lost a little bit each day. A loss that I could feel and see. I hadn't yet experienced anxiety taking a toll on me physically until this month. This month has come with a loss of hair, a loss of eaten food, and a loss of will to shower everyday much less shave my legs.

Today though, after reading this passage, I felt completely empowered. Not take on the world kind of empowerment, but the get out of bed kind. The kind that wills a person to shower. The kind that willed me to finally shave my legs.

Yea, today me and my bare shaved legs are walking the rows in the library and feeling pretty good.

Let The Games Begin

Have I told you? I've started a new blog! We'll not "I've" but "we've". Three friends and myself have started a little project that we are documenting over at Something New. You may have heard of it, 101 in 1001? No? Well let me explain it to you.
We've made a list of 101 tasks to complete in 1001 days which is essentially 2 years and 9 months. I'm excited about this little project for a multitude of reasons. 1. I love new projects 2. With my boubt of down time, I like something to occupy it 3. I'm excited to try new things 4.The challenge 

I'm sure there are other reasons but for today four reasons are going to be considered a multitude.  :)

I feel like I need to have a little strategy to complete everything. There is one task imparticular that I think I'm going to find really challenging. That's collecting a post card from every state! Ahhh! So, I figured I'd get started on that one first. Here's where you come in my lovely occasional readers and followers. If you live in a state other than MO I would love for you to send me a post card. Or if you are a traveler and think of it, pick me up a post card. I'd love to hear from you anyways! How much fun that you could be apart of this little adventure with me. If you need my address I'll gladly give it to you!

Make sure you pop on over and visit our adventure in the next 1001 days! We'd love to read your thoughts!

Learning to Float

Sometimes I feel like I've jumped ship from my own life. Like I'm barely holding my head above the crashing waves around me, as I watch the ship I was on sail away over the horizon. And in all honesty sometimes I feel like I didn't jump, but rather God pushed me out of my possibly too comfortable ship. The waves still rage and I often feel like He's abandoned me to this sea of chaos without a life vest.

Sometimes I'm glad He pushed me out of the ship. Sometimes I'm glad life isn't at all what I expected it to be. But now. Right now at 2:23 in the morning, when I can't sleep because of anxiety, because of the fear that maybe He has abandoned me, the threat that life as I know it is over, I am not glad.

That ship I was on was nice. It held promise of better things, of stability, of permanence, of never really having to rely on God for my daily bread, not really. This. This flailing about in the open sea was exhilarating in the beginning. Something new. The unknown. But the thrill has gone now. My limbs are tired from treading water and I fear that if I stop, if I let go, I'll sink. Sink so deep that there will be no chance of revival. So I must tread. I must try to stay above water.

But I've felt the waves crash overhead. I've experienced the discombobulation of not knowing up from down. And somehow, this whole time of treading I've not drown, I've received strength when I didn't think I had anything left in me, and though I don't see Him and sometimes believe He sailed away with my life, I know He has not abandoned, I know it's been His hand always lifting my head back up from the overwhelming sea.

I find myself often looking for that ship I left one way or another. Maybe I should be looking for something totally different as that ship really has sailed. My feet are not set on solid ground just yet. Every time I feel they are, the earth shifts and I lose my footing, resuming the treading position. So I'm slowly learning not to trust the ground I find and instead maybe learn to float.

Pumpkins in September

I enjoyed this delicious piece of pumpkin bread accompanied by a sweet cup of Pumpkin Spice Latte! Here's hoping you enjoy every morsel of September.

Fragile Hearts

Today as I washed my face I realized the area around my nose ring was still sensitive. Months later this little hole is still not healed and I still need to be gentle with it.

I instantly thought about my own heart. The little piercings it's had along the way and the two massive, but shrinking, holes I placed there myself. All are healing by the grace of God but every now and then there is a careless movement and I'm reminded of how fragile I am. How sensitive I am. And how gentle I must be with my breakable heart.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Pure Autumn

picture courtsey of bing.com

Hey there September, I've missed you.

I've been thinking about how much I love Fall lately, but specifically September. Though Autumn doesn't begin until the 23rd I classify all of sweet September as the purest of all the Autumn months. October and November have Halloween and Thanksgiving while September stands on it's own in the simple beauty of Fall. Nothing to enhance, just pure Autumn. Maybe it's the fact that first is generally the best. The first taste of a delicious morsel, the first kiss, the first to cross the finish line.

Now please don't get me wrong, I enjoy October and November as much as the next person but there's the newness of Autumn that's worn off by then. Which is why it's great to have these holidays tossed in there to keep you liking the season. For me though, it's never quite as much as the first.

So, in honor of the first day of the pure month of Autumn I'm doing a little Fall decorating, lighting a pumpkin spice candle, wearing orange and brown, and baking! Happy Autumn to you. (in 22 days) :)