Task 6.... "The List" Qualities I want in a husband.... different wording, same routine
"For some reason, we've made indecision noble when it comes to dating." I really enjoyed this quote from one of the articles and find that it is so true.
Besides this quote though I must be honest in saying I am tired of the typical christian list making, dreaming of life in marriage week. I'm not needing more focus given to this very thing I want, but don't yet have. SO what I was thinking would be more beneficial for me to do is to list what qualities I really want in myself.
I really do want to love and trust the Lord specifically when things are awful, when nothing is turning out as planned, when I don't see another way out. I want to have scripture so hidden in my heart that I might not sin, but remember His wonders of old. I want to be an encouragement to all around me. I want my life to be characterized by loving the Lord through loving those He cares for; the widow, the orphan, the alien, the poor. I want to joyfully invest in lives around me, even when it is not appreciated. I want to be a dedicated teacher that strives for individual success and continues to challenge myself. I want to be counted on in intimate community within the church. I want to be a supportive wife who allows opportunities for her husband to truly lead. I want to be a godly mother that leads her children in God's truth and leaves them in God's hands.
Thank God that this is a process and at my ripe young age of 27 He still has time to work on me because oh how I am so not even there!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Boundless Relationship Week Day 3
Task 5 Call or visit a friend and ask how you can be a better friend to them, ways you can improve. Ughhh....
I must say originally I was leery of this task. I definitely did not want to hear the ways I had been a bad friend over the years. Especially not after the day of disappointments and lack of trust in God I had had. Nonetheless, I braced myself for what could be a massive verbal lashing.
Instead what I received was grace upon grace. My dearest friend told me the only way I could improve was to see her more and that she had felt convicted of her absences as well. I know there are areas that I need to improve in, even if through her grace stained glasses she cannot see or chooses not to.
We spent the rest of the conversation talking about her. Her wedding plans, her excitement, her summer, her life. I loved it. After the few days I have had it was so refreshing to take the focus off of me and to spotlight her. She naturally asked questions about me and I tried as best I could to redirect without being rude.
I think our conversation today allowed me to see the trees among the forest and really savior the beauty of perspective.
I must say originally I was leery of this task. I definitely did not want to hear the ways I had been a bad friend over the years. Especially not after the day of disappointments and lack of trust in God I had had. Nonetheless, I braced myself for what could be a massive verbal lashing.
Instead what I received was grace upon grace. My dearest friend told me the only way I could improve was to see her more and that she had felt convicted of her absences as well. I know there are areas that I need to improve in, even if through her grace stained glasses she cannot see or chooses not to.
We spent the rest of the conversation talking about her. Her wedding plans, her excitement, her summer, her life. I loved it. After the few days I have had it was so refreshing to take the focus off of me and to spotlight her. She naturally asked questions about me and I tried as best I could to redirect without being rude.
I think our conversation today allowed me to see the trees among the forest and really savior the beauty of perspective.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Boundless Relationship Week Day 2
Task 4 Communicate respect to a significiant man in your life after reading Ephesians 5:33, Chpt. 1 of Love and Respect, and reviewing The 5 Love Languages.
My dad is out of town, my brother has no method of immediate communication, and I'm single. This task was something that I wanted to complete though so I went to my easiest target, my coworker.
I need to just say it is so much easier to respect someone when they love you in your language or know that you are doing a challenge and are up for being a part of it. This was not the scenerio in my situation. Usually my coworker and I get along fine, but the one day I'm trying to be quietly intentional with showing him respect is the one day he does everything to piss me off. Meaning he didn't do the things I secretly wanted him to do to show me love, so I could show him respect! Hahaha! Really challenging!
This task really challenged my thinking and perspective on God given roles within a marriage or relationship in general. Because though in a marriage issues are intensified and intimate, I think this is such a good thing to remember in life. I'm not looking for my male coworkers to intimately love me, but I am wanting to be heard, therefore valued, therefore feeling loved. Just the same, I'm not looking to my male coworkers to lead me in all areas of my life, so I can show them all of my respect, but I can respect decisions they make concerning our crew, project, or work site.
Great task!
My dad is out of town, my brother has no method of immediate communication, and I'm single. This task was something that I wanted to complete though so I went to my easiest target, my coworker.
I need to just say it is so much easier to respect someone when they love you in your language or know that you are doing a challenge and are up for being a part of it. This was not the scenerio in my situation. Usually my coworker and I get along fine, but the one day I'm trying to be quietly intentional with showing him respect is the one day he does everything to piss me off. Meaning he didn't do the things I secretly wanted him to do to show me love, so I could show him respect! Hahaha! Really challenging!
This task really challenged my thinking and perspective on God given roles within a marriage or relationship in general. Because though in a marriage issues are intensified and intimate, I think this is such a good thing to remember in life. I'm not looking for my male coworkers to intimately love me, but I am wanting to be heard, therefore valued, therefore feeling loved. Just the same, I'm not looking to my male coworkers to lead me in all areas of my life, so I can show them all of my respect, but I can respect decisions they make concerning our crew, project, or work site.
Great task!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Boundless Relationship Week Day 1
Task 3 How did meditating on this passage further shape your view on relationship?
Romans 12:9-13
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another is showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
It's funny that this would be the first task and "Let love be genuine" would be the first words. Over the past few weeks I have felt a real absence of intimate community in my life. I was telling a friend that in this move, I have done a good job at getting a good quantity of friends but now I want some of those friendships to be better quality. And it really is all about being real, or genuine, with each other. Having this community and accountability will encourage and challenge me to hate what is evil and cling to what is good, while being able to truly come to a point of loving with sisterly affections these women in my life.
In thinking about the list of 7 things to be doing given in this passage, it's really easy for me to separate this from the context of relationships and simply apply it to my life. Though that's good and well, these 3 verses are within the context of relationships and cannot just be removed from that. So keeping that in mind, I'm challenged by these things. Outdo one another in showing honor, don't be lazy in your excitement, be active listening and obeying the spirit, serve God, be happy in hope, be long suffering in trials, and always be in prayer! Imagine what friendships or relationships of all facets would look like if this was how we truly lived. If this was how I truly lived.
Comparing myself to these 7 standards brings conviction to my selfish heart, but also empowers me by clearly laying out the picture of true Christianity, knowing that it is not I who has a good work to finish in me but Christ alone! I can boast in my weakness because where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.
Romans 12:9-13
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another is showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
It's funny that this would be the first task and "Let love be genuine" would be the first words. Over the past few weeks I have felt a real absence of intimate community in my life. I was telling a friend that in this move, I have done a good job at getting a good quantity of friends but now I want some of those friendships to be better quality. And it really is all about being real, or genuine, with each other. Having this community and accountability will encourage and challenge me to hate what is evil and cling to what is good, while being able to truly come to a point of loving with sisterly affections these women in my life.
In thinking about the list of 7 things to be doing given in this passage, it's really easy for me to separate this from the context of relationships and simply apply it to my life. Though that's good and well, these 3 verses are within the context of relationships and cannot just be removed from that. So keeping that in mind, I'm challenged by these things. Outdo one another in showing honor, don't be lazy in your excitement, be active listening and obeying the spirit, serve God, be happy in hope, be long suffering in trials, and always be in prayer! Imagine what friendships or relationships of all facets would look like if this was how we truly lived. If this was how I truly lived.
Comparing myself to these 7 standards brings conviction to my selfish heart, but also empowers me by clearly laying out the picture of true Christianity, knowing that it is not I who has a good work to finish in me but Christ alone! I can boast in my weakness because where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Boundless Dating
Task 2
So for those of you who don't know I'm taking a challenge. My first public task was to read a series of articles on Biblical dating and then to comment on them.
Biblical dating is slightly phantomish to me. I honestly love the concept and the challenge of it but have never seen it done. It is so much easier to give into self, pressure, and societal norms. Christ however was not called to the easy route, nor are we in being transformed into His likeness.
There were some points that I could debate, some others I could whine about, yet still others that I stood resolutely behind. In the end though my heart was continually led back to the truth that "ALL of life comes down to just these things, that's to know Jesus and make Him known." This does not exclude my dating life but rather fully includes it. If a relationship or the actions taken within the context of that relationship don't allow me to know Jesus better or make Him (His purposes, His character, His law) made known what is the point? It would be some self gratifying purpose, which is not the intent for a Godly marriage.
So, there are things I don't want to hear and don't want to live by, but I know that His nearness is my good. Be near Oh God and plant these dating boundaries deep within my heart so that I might not sin against a brother or against you.
So for those of you who don't know I'm taking a challenge. My first public task was to read a series of articles on Biblical dating and then to comment on them.
Biblical dating is slightly phantomish to me. I honestly love the concept and the challenge of it but have never seen it done. It is so much easier to give into self, pressure, and societal norms. Christ however was not called to the easy route, nor are we in being transformed into His likeness.
There were some points that I could debate, some others I could whine about, yet still others that I stood resolutely behind. In the end though my heart was continually led back to the truth that "ALL of life comes down to just these things, that's to know Jesus and make Him known." This does not exclude my dating life but rather fully includes it. If a relationship or the actions taken within the context of that relationship don't allow me to know Jesus better or make Him (His purposes, His character, His law) made known what is the point? It would be some self gratifying purpose, which is not the intent for a Godly marriage.
So, there are things I don't want to hear and don't want to live by, but I know that His nearness is my good. Be near Oh God and plant these dating boundaries deep within my heart so that I might not sin against a brother or against you.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The Now and The Not Yet
Y'all! Can I just tell you how crazy I think it is that every month I am baffled by the fact that I've been here another month. Rereading some entries I find it hilarious that every month I inevitably repeat something dealing with time going so quickly and my being here yet another month. Too funny! So I will spare you the time going quickly point and simply say that I've been here 9 months. Much like a pregnant woman longs to see her child and in all honesty is most likely sick of being pregnant and ready to birth out a kid. I too have found myself ready to birth.
I have been in this process of remembering passions I once had and dreams I let fall to the side as I've trudged on through life. I've picked up other interests along the way and intentionally packed up other hopes for safe keeping, knowing that to daydream of those things would not be beneficial to my psyche or to anyone around me or just wasn't right timing. So, in unloading some of those mental boxes as I settle into St. Louis I've come across one that seems ready to open as it is bursting at the seams.
I have dreamed since I was 16 or so of going to Africa. I had opportunities to go but my parents didn't find that to be in my best interest. Then in college, there were many missions organizations that visited, again leaving doors open to go to this place I've dreamed of. Yet, I didn't commit myself to these opportunities because at the time I was committing to spending my life with someone else and that was my priority. Those first years after college I was again presented with the chance to go and I had grown comfortable with my average, single, American life. I enjoyed my money, my freedom, and my luxuries. And then....
As I think back on it, I'm surprised that it has taken me this long to see but I guess that God unveils our eyes when it's time to see and dear friends it's time.
...then I grew in a quick friendship with a family that were themselves packing and moving to AL to prepare to move to Zambia, Africa. Intertwining my life with theirs and the families already in relationship with them my heart began beating wildly for Africa again. Seeing pictures of the people, of the children, of the land, of the plans that my friends were making made me long to be in this place I've never known.
At the time situations had risen at my job and I felt like I was being led to another place. When these things fell through and I was forced to move to St. Louis, Africa was no where near my mind. I was in survival mode. But now that things have calmed down and I have a chance to really process all that has been taking place in my heart and physically around me, I'm noticing that 9 months have passed and I am obviously "pregnant" with restored hopes and dreams spilling out of my box.
I have remained, these 9 months in a very transitional place, which has led me to question why I am allowed to be so nomadic at this point in my life. It is for a purpose, of this I am sure. So, I'm using this transitional time to seek opportunities to go and to minister while I can. And I have found an opportunity to teach overseas in nowhere other than North Africa. I am applying for this opportunity and am confident that God will continue to lead. If I am accepted I will leave in a year to live a year at a time in North Africa (the country is not yet specified).
So... as my community I am asking that you pray for His direction, my obedience, and their ( www.teachOverseas.org )acceptance. I realize this is just in the very infant stages but just like time and aging, it all goes too fast and I want for you to have a part in it.
So, I'm hoping that you will gather with me to pray me through from now to the not yet.
I have been in this process of remembering passions I once had and dreams I let fall to the side as I've trudged on through life. I've picked up other interests along the way and intentionally packed up other hopes for safe keeping, knowing that to daydream of those things would not be beneficial to my psyche or to anyone around me or just wasn't right timing. So, in unloading some of those mental boxes as I settle into St. Louis I've come across one that seems ready to open as it is bursting at the seams.
I have dreamed since I was 16 or so of going to Africa. I had opportunities to go but my parents didn't find that to be in my best interest. Then in college, there were many missions organizations that visited, again leaving doors open to go to this place I've dreamed of. Yet, I didn't commit myself to these opportunities because at the time I was committing to spending my life with someone else and that was my priority. Those first years after college I was again presented with the chance to go and I had grown comfortable with my average, single, American life. I enjoyed my money, my freedom, and my luxuries. And then....
As I think back on it, I'm surprised that it has taken me this long to see but I guess that God unveils our eyes when it's time to see and dear friends it's time.
...then I grew in a quick friendship with a family that were themselves packing and moving to AL to prepare to move to Zambia, Africa. Intertwining my life with theirs and the families already in relationship with them my heart began beating wildly for Africa again. Seeing pictures of the people, of the children, of the land, of the plans that my friends were making made me long to be in this place I've never known.
At the time situations had risen at my job and I felt like I was being led to another place. When these things fell through and I was forced to move to St. Louis, Africa was no where near my mind. I was in survival mode. But now that things have calmed down and I have a chance to really process all that has been taking place in my heart and physically around me, I'm noticing that 9 months have passed and I am obviously "pregnant" with restored hopes and dreams spilling out of my box.
I have remained, these 9 months in a very transitional place, which has led me to question why I am allowed to be so nomadic at this point in my life. It is for a purpose, of this I am sure. So, I'm using this transitional time to seek opportunities to go and to minister while I can. And I have found an opportunity to teach overseas in nowhere other than North Africa. I am applying for this opportunity and am confident that God will continue to lead. If I am accepted I will leave in a year to live a year at a time in North Africa (the country is not yet specified).
So... as my community I am asking that you pray for His direction, my obedience, and their ( www.teachOverseas.org )acceptance. I realize this is just in the very infant stages but just like time and aging, it all goes too fast and I want for you to have a part in it.
So, I'm hoping that you will gather with me to pray me through from now to the not yet.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tear Stained
I'm trying to take a minute to gather my thoughts, to make some sense of my world right now. I found out today a brother in my house church was found dead days after his death. He died alone. Alone. A news report that caught my ear and grasped my heart a few nights ago was about a body found on a corner a few streets down from me. Allegedly murdered and dropped on the side of the road.Just casually dropped. A commercial I heard Sunday on my way to church advertising abortions for up to 22 weeks along. At what point does that life growing in you become... living?
My heart is heavy for these deaths. None of whom I knew too well, but all cut from my same human fabric. And I ache tonight for the murder victim that has no face, the countless babies who have no voice, and for a fellow believer who had no warning.
Ya..., my heart is burdened with our fallen nature and I'm desperately longing for a day when everything is set right again. Yet I know I should cling to the hope, the knowledge that "mambo sawa sawa" (things are already better). The Lord is on His throne, He is the God who sees, He is the God who knows. He sees the injustices of the world and He is not waiting until the end of time to make it better. He is working on their behalf right now. His righteousness is being brought into the lives of the broken and the weary right now. This is the hope I must cling to. That the very power that rose Christ from the grave is at work even now.
And for those who believe in Him, who have placed their trust in Him, DEATH NO LONGER HAS THE VICTORY! God is in the process of redeeming a people for Himself and my sweet brother now gets to worship at the feet of the humble King. Though his family rejected him and even I thought him quirky at times, he is now worshipping in the presence of Our Abba Father.
Ya, tears stain my face tonight, but joy will come in the morning.
"I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ His only son, who was conceived of the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary and suffered under Pontious Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into Hell. On the third day He rose again from the dead, He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty. From there He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, and the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting." Amen, Amen.
My heart is heavy for these deaths. None of whom I knew too well, but all cut from my same human fabric. And I ache tonight for the murder victim that has no face, the countless babies who have no voice, and for a fellow believer who had no warning.
Ya..., my heart is burdened with our fallen nature and I'm desperately longing for a day when everything is set right again. Yet I know I should cling to the hope, the knowledge that "mambo sawa sawa" (things are already better). The Lord is on His throne, He is the God who sees, He is the God who knows. He sees the injustices of the world and He is not waiting until the end of time to make it better. He is working on their behalf right now. His righteousness is being brought into the lives of the broken and the weary right now. This is the hope I must cling to. That the very power that rose Christ from the grave is at work even now.
And for those who believe in Him, who have placed their trust in Him, DEATH NO LONGER HAS THE VICTORY! God is in the process of redeeming a people for Himself and my sweet brother now gets to worship at the feet of the humble King. Though his family rejected him and even I thought him quirky at times, he is now worshipping in the presence of Our Abba Father.
Ya, tears stain my face tonight, but joy will come in the morning.
"I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ His only son, who was conceived of the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary and suffered under Pontious Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into Hell. On the third day He rose again from the dead, He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty. From there He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, and the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting." Amen, Amen.
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