Nope

So I started writing a post that was my attempt to explain the changes I've seen in myself recently but my words were muddled and didn't come close to what I actually wanted to say. Really the only thing that comes close to what I want to say in its simplest form is

I'm Happy.

It's the most amazing thing. I have a job that I love, hobbies I'm growing into, all of my family is near enough that I can hug and kiss them as much as I want. I have an amazing church that continues to reshape my skewed image of God. I'm apart of a bible study that holds me accountable to my own individual growth in the Lord while also challenging me in the leadership role He has placed me in. I have been blessed to have friends that I still keep up with from high school and from college. I have the privilege to make new friends in adulthood that I love and cherish deeply. I feel needed and valued. 

It's no surprise to you, I'm sure, that the tears are streaming down my face as I write this. But I just think of the deep valleys My God has brought me through. The uncertainties, the loss of hope, and for moments the loss of a will to live. Y'all it got bad. But I just have to tell you how in awe I am right now that this overflowing spring in me is happiness, is freedom, is restoration. 

I was asked Sunday by a person who I'm confident meant well, how things were going immediately followed by "any man?".  I was a little shocked at how little I had to say about the matter, nope. There is so much other amazing stuff going on in my life that I didn't even feel the need to qualify my "nope". I allowed it to stand out there on its own. Nope.

I'm single (not that I would mind being in a relationship if the right guy asked). I have no children though my womb and heart ache to love on my own little one. I live in someone else's house. I'm a teacher who has taken the position of a T.A. and I am happy. The happiest I've been in a long time.

I know that His goal is not my happiness but my holiness so what a sweet bonus that He has taken into consideration my happiness and given me these moments. He is true to His promise to me through His word that He will restore the years the locust have eaten. (Joel 2:25)

This song, though meant for the luvas,

kind of is exactly how I feel.

A Day of Autumn

Today is the first full day of Autumn and I felt every bit of it. I participate in this day the way people get amped up and dress out for Cardinals' opening day. I dreamed last night of dancing in falling leaves, purposely rolling my bike along the the side of the road just to hear the crunch. I dreamed of driving through the mountains with every tree being more brilliant than the last. Of long talks and hot drinks. I love Autumn. So, when my alarm went off this morning at 6:00 a.m.. I gladly woke and began my day.

I of course already had the outfit laid out; well the bottom portion at least. Whatever I wore I knew it would consist of the brown lace skirt and the boots. Anything else would simply be a bonus. So a fitted sweatshirt over a lace cami would have to do. I'm pretty sure this is going to be a staple outfit for me in the time ahead. None the less, today was a celebration so it called for a flower in the hair of course. And it was just nippie enough that a scarf had to accompany it. A quick change of purses and the outfit was together. I stepped into the air of Autumn. I love that first deep breath.

I love my drive to work. The roads leave the towering buildings in my rear view mirror, but ahead are nothing but cliffs and trees. It is beautiful. Everyday I get to see the leaves change a little bit more. This week though a fog has settled over some low lying areas of my commute. And though I know it's dangerous for drivers, I get lost in the romance of it. I always imagine my modern Mr. Darcy breaking through it to come to me. Always. 

Today I had the joy of stopping by the grocery to pick up some things to make pumpkin muffins with the kids. Though they didn't have hot coffee I got myself a Starbucks drink and a Heath Bar for later, because for me if there's a candy that says happiness in Fall it's candy with toffee. Yes, please. (Sidebar: I literally just remembered that Heath Bar still in my purse, yay for not letting food consume my thoughts!)

To every person I crossed paths with I smiled and said Happy Autumn. I drank my coffee. We ate our muffins. We had a dance party at the end of the day. And life is as it should be.

Tomorrow after the Cards/Cubs game I'll put my Fall decorations up, drink some cider, and pull out my warmer wardrobe, craft, read, and of course pop in You've Got Mail. I love Autumn.

At The Pump

I hope that where you are gas prices are dropping. Today I found a spot that was $2.98! Miracle of miracles. So I of course stopped by after work.

Pulling up I saw this woman hopping from car to car. She eventually swung by mine as I had my card out ready to swipe. "Do you happen to have a dollar?" she asked. I smiled politely and said no cause I didn't. The lady on the back of my pump poked her head around frown smiling. <----- does that make sense? Like that look of fake sympathy. "Poor girl," the woman said. I continued pumping my gas, watching this lady flutter about collecting dollars. I wondered what she was collecting money for. My imagination swirled. But then I thought of my own situation but months ago, when I too would have been desperate enough to wander about a gas station asking for dollars.

 And it was then that gas started to pour onto my foot. I had heard the clicking sound, but I had also seen the price and the two didn't reconcile in my mind. Surely I needed to pump more, I hadn't paid this little in quite a long time. So instinctively I continued to pump, but even as I felt the gas dripping on my foot I was reminded of how the Lord has provided. Much like I was flooding my car with gas, God has flooded me with His mercy and His faithfulness. Corny? That's ok, cause it was a moment for me. A moment for me to remember. To remember my own desperation needing so much more than a dollar. And God's generosity of giving this "poor girl" SO much more than a dollar.

from the slow moving hands of the pooped

I am so pooped. These are long days I'm living over here, but I LOVE most every bit of them.

So there were just a few things I wanted to tell you before my head hit the pillow. Remember how my computer is broken and I was borrowing the computer from the woman I live with? Well, luck of all luck, the computer screen broke. Like, shattered, brilliant colors splayed across the screen but impossible to actually see anything broken. Hence why I haven't posted anything in a few days and you know, that whole being pooped thing! But just tonight I mentioned to a friend my delima and wouldn't you know she was like hey borrow this computer we have just lying around! Don't mind if I do friend! So a big shout out to Stina and understanding how much I both need and love this blog (and Pinterest!). Thank you!

Of course during those few days without a computer is the time that I have the most ideas of what to write on here. I always remind myself to write it down so I won't forget, but then I inevitably forget to remind myself and the ideas are lost. Right now even searching around in my memory I vaguely remember something about animals, but vaguely remembering won't exactly be the most thrilling reading you've ever come across!

I'm in an Adele mood, not that's there's much difference between that and my normal mood, so I went to my "Someone Like You" Pandora station. I think I lose the mood as I start clicking those songs I like. Somehow I've gone from Adele, to Sinatra, Dean Martin, Otis Bedding, and now Nat King Cole singing in a language I don't understand. Whatever forlornness was there is now simply replaced with confusion. I guess maybe it's for the best, who needs to dream of unrequited love in English. Not I!

And lastly I have to tell you that on my Tuesday Thrifting I got a sweet little locket necklace that I'll be doting around, so go ahead and ask me about it. :) I also got a Banana Republic purse, brand new brown wedges, and a sweatshirt dress that is FAR cuter than it sounds and cuter than frumping around in a sweatshirt, but just as comfy!

Autumn Prep

Today was a terribly rainy day. The kind that makes you drive slowly AND move slowly, specifically when you walk by your bedroom. Debating whether or not to just rest your eyes for a minute. One of those kind of rainy days. My debate lasted about 2 seconds before I caved and nestled into my now ready for fall bed.

Do you change your bedding in preparation for cooler temps?

I add a creamy white fleece blanket and another brown fleece sandwiching the sheet so I get weight and warmth. Oh my goodness it's heaven! Are you a weight lover? I've had this discussion with others before and I didn't realize not everyone enjoys feeling the heaviness of things on them sometimes. Clearly I'm a person with some extra sensory needs. In dog piles I would gladly take the bottom spot just so I could feel the weight of others piling on. During massages one of my favorite parts is when they put the weighted warm blanket on your back. But when I don't have that sensory need, which is rare, the things surrounding me better be light as a feather but as soft as a cactus. I can't stand the touch of things too soft, like those baby blankets. Yeah, they make me cringe. Oh, sensory needs. So interesting, but I digress. 

So, I'm up right now due to a combination of things. One, I drank a cup of green tea around 10. Mistake. But to my advantage, I finished a load of laundry and began folding it only to stumble upon stain upon grease stain. A tube of my favorite lip gloss slipped into the laundry without me noticing, took off its lid and spilled its content all over my clothing. I don't know if you've ever had to deal with that kind of stain but it is a process, let me tell you! So, I'm now up, waiting to see the product of my efforts of scrubbing with a toothbrush and various products.

Besides this sad little incident this weekend was pretty fantastic. I spent all of it pretending I was a cowgirl and living in my boots. I only took them off to sleep. I love how I look and feel in boots. I may have just started a bit of an obsession for myself, especially for this fall. Oh, boots!

Source: polyvore.com via Angie on Pinterest

these are a few of my favorite things

I adore hanging out with this little guy and his mommy and daddy. I got to do just that minus his daddy today after a day of long meetings. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Though Fall for me is the beginning of normal schedules and the business of life, I also feel like it's a perfect time to slow down and cuddle with those you love. So we did that on this cool end of summer day. He, with runny nose and pajamas, picked out a book, crawled up on my lap, and snugglebugged with me in the kitchen as his momma cooked. We listened to music and he listened to us talk. I love how he shakes his head practicing active listening skills. The kid's brilliant. I may be biased a bit.

He is one of the most precious things in my world and I look forward to more snuggles with him before he's too big and despises the snugglebug. He'll be snuggling with someone else tomorrow though as he watches the Balloon Glow at Forest Park. I love St. Louis in the fall.

I'm also thrilled to bits about Greentree Festival this weekend. If you have time Saturday, swing on by Kirkwood and check it out. Christmas is closer than you realize and who couldn't always use a new piece for their jewelry collection. I'll be there selling some goodies (booth # 203) made by the beautiful hands of the women of Forai. I know they would love your support and I would love to tell you all about the sweet ministry of Forai.

Rainy Day Boots

                                            

It rained a-l-l day.

On any given day off

I would welcome the rain.

But today was not a day off.

Today I had to work.

I stared longingly outside,

wishing I could cuddle up with

The Help and some tea.

Wishing I could get out some cute rain boots

and stomp around a bit.

But alas, I was at that job

that I love.

Note:

For those of you that know me, I'm sure you've heard my rantings of movies or books being "too popular" for me to engage with. So you might be asking yourself about The Help as it is kind of a big thing right now. Here's my justification; I wanted to read it. Yep, that's it. Also, another side note. I don't own any rain boots. I think this calls for a casual shopping trip, yes?