Crazy Love

Over this amazing break I've had, I decided to take a minute and read a book my small group will be reading starting in the new year, Crazy Love by Francis Chan. My friend Amiee told me how fantastic it was, as did others, so I bought it. I'm the reader who starts a book, reading a few pages and then starts another book, eventually returning to the first one. I started this book weeks ago but couldn't quite get into it.


You see, I have to be honest in saying that my spirtiual life, essentially my life, has not been right with the Lord for a few months. Complacency snuck in, showing symptoms I simply ignored. When things aren't right in my relationship with Lord I can physically feel it. I knew things weren't right but I continued to dust it under the rug. Even as Christmas came and went I couldn't find it in myself to change. I was in a rut. I came to a point that I wanted to change, not because I love Christ but because I knew I should. It's the right thing to do. With that mindset, with that heartset, I didn't change. I celebrated Christmas, the birth of my Savior, without really be connected to him.


I went to church the Sunday after Christmas to hear a message that shook me up a bit. Jeff was talking about being a lukewarm Christian and how the Lord detests that. He'd rather me be hot or cold, but lukewarm he spits out. I realized I had become lukewarm. I questioned, when did this happen, how could this happen to me? I love God!


Well I took that message to heart and took a step to change, so I began reading Crazy Love. Little did I know that the Lord had a plan going this whole time to lead me to Him on my knees. Truth was revealed to me through reading those pages and I am delighted to share what I've learned.


The lukewarm Christian:
It just so "happens" that Crazy Love deals with this person. He gave a list of qualifiers found in the bible and when I got honest with myself I matched a great majority of them. I was broken, so I thought. The next chapter then went on to say that the lukewarm christian doesn't exist, can't exist, is an oxemoron. Because a Christian, isn't one who simply claims Christ, but obeys his commands. His greatest command is to love HIM. When I'm not loving him I'm not in Him. (James 2:19) He calls us to be devoted followers, not convient followers. Anyone who comes after Him, must deny himself. (Matthew 16:24-25) Anyone who does not give up everything cannot be His disciple. (Luke 14:33) He is an all or nothing God. SO when I cling so tightly to things of this world, when I relax in state of complacency, when I say to GOD ALMIGHTY that HIS larger than life LOVE is not compelling enough to draw me to Him, and ( the real kicker for me) when I tell GOD that he is not quiet in control enough to handle my past or my future love life (ouch) I'm saying I don't love God. And when I say or my actions say I don't love God. I am not His child.


My world completely shattered reading this. The walls I had built up completely crumbled. I was staring truth in the face and had nothing to combat it with. There was nothing to say, no words to justify. I had been judged fairly and found at fault. I saw that I was deserving of death of complete seperation from GOD. I could not stop sobbing. In my mind though I kept thinking of all the good things I had done, all the times people had told me what a good person I was. None soothed, because it's not enough. It's not enough that I do or that I am. The only thing that is enough is GOD and I for months had been indifferent to HIM. My only response was to repent. A real repentance because for the first time in a while I saw my need for grace.
You see the thing about God is that He could have justifiably left me on the floor exposed and weeping. He soveriegnly had the right to pass by my broken ego but....


Praise HIM that HE is not what I deserve! He is much more, so much better. Instead HE choose to show me HIS grace. His abounding, astounding grace. Grace, grace, God's grace. Grace that can pardon and clean within. Grace, grace, God's grace that will free us from all our sin. SO I come away from reading that entire book having such a sweeter understanding 1) of my role as believer. This is for real. Not a game that He wants to play with us that we can sit indifferently and watch. And 2) this love that He has for me is absolutely, undeniably the craziest thing and my response must be to love Him just as crazily!