Beautiful Things

There is an absurd amount of pain, suffering, and darkness in the world. Over the past few months my eyes and heart of have been awakened to it in the form of cancer. There are 3 women,my age,in my life,that are fighting cancer in its various forms and another older and dear aunt wrestling through leukemia. All of this has been very sobering for me and left me avoiding God for fear that He won't answer my questions and in anger at the compromised health of these young, vibrant lives. I came to despise all things beautiful, writing (hence the hiatus from blogging), crafting, singing, organizing (beauty is relative), and spending real time with my God. How I could I even think about much less look at beauty in the midst of so much darkness. My bedtime routine consisted of washing my face, brushing my teeth, and crying my self to sleep. I was broken. I am broken.

I'm confused with a myriad of questions followed by a myriad of biblical answers but forever finding the questioning spirit still there. I'm overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness and helplessness and yet feeling the comfort and confidence that only the Spirit brings. And then I'm reminded that I don't have cancer, that this wide pendulum of emotions I'm experiencing is also what my sweet sisters are experiencing while also fighting for their lives. And I'm brought to tears when I think my tear ducts have forever dried up.

I have had the completely divine opportunity though to see these woman in the face of death to become the women God has ordained them to be. One, who is filled with hope beyond measure, not in her circumstances but in her God and His ability to sustain her in life or in death. One whose encouraging spirit has only grown and has a joy about her that is tangible. And another, who once was far off, has drawn near to the Father and is a prayer warrior for others. He truly does turn our ashes into beauty.

I was listening to this song today that says, "You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust." And it got me thinking about dust and ash. Those little particles that float around us were once apart of a greater whole. Whether it was once apart of volcanic rock that was spewed, or a plant that shed, or human skin that has flaked, or pollutants in the air all of it was once apart of something larger. That thing had to be broken, crushed, or even die to become dust. The Lord takes our dust, those broken, crushed, dead places in us and makes beautiful things.

In hearing that song, and thinking about the beauty that has come from the crushing blow of cancer from these women, I am encouraged and inspired and hopeful again. He makes beautiful things. And I want to too. I want to write to lead others to see the beauty that is in Living. I want to make beautiful accessories and crafts to adorn sick bodies and bald heads. I want to laugh at the days to come for I know that in each one, life or death, He will make things beautiful, of this I am sure.