London {chunks of my heart} part 2

I'm not sure that I've communicated to you how much I LOVED my trip to London. Well, that's not totally true. I think you're well aware of my new found love for London but you may not know why, so the story must go on.

So in the mornings we had a session discussing missionary things. You know; the gospel, cultural sensitivity, purpose, what not. We couldn't have a bunch of Americans out on the street talking about our depravity but not mentioning Jesus, or offending the various cultures we encountered, while aimlessly galavanting around London. These sessions proved very helpful! We'd discuss something and then immediately put it into practice on the street. Brilliant strategy. Reason #1365 why I want to homeschool my kids; because this strategy works and typical school does not really allow for it.

On 3 occasions in the evening we did door to door surveys. Just going around in the neighborhoods where the churches were located and asked questions about the community and their religious background. This may not sound like a big task but it really was for me. I mean, going to someones home seems a bit intrusive and I just felt pretty umm... how do you say.... awful for the job!

So the first night we came back and it was just an all around rough experience for me and my group. I was sitting on the floor really rethinking missions because I had bombed so badly at door to door. I was thinking, if THIS is missions I don't think I'm called to this. I'm so terrible. Which really put a kink in my mood and plans because, well you know, I've thought about being a missionary for 12 years. I'm just now pursuing it for real. If this isn't what God is leading me to, I'm back at square one, not having any idea where to go or what to do. So, you could say I was feeling pretty low. When along comes this bright eyed girl. I looked up from my pit of despair on the floor to her vibrant blue eyes to hear her ask me how'd it go. How'd it go? How'd it go!!? Her eyes were filled with such hope and expectancy I felt like if I told her how I was really feeling at that particular moment I could have really pulled a Debbie Downer and crushed this poor girl. So I instead softned my tone and words and said something like, "Umm... ya, it was alright." That's really the best I could do. To which her eyes got glassy with a tint of red as she told me what a horrible experience her group had had. Can you imagine if I would have unloaded on her. Poor thing. God was protecting her, but also about to minister to me. So as she told me their story a boy from the same group popped up. Listening to what Girl was saying, nodding his head in agreement. Though they were towering over me on the floor I couldn't muster the energy to care to stand up so I countinued to sit, watching, neck crained, listening to her story.

I must have looked awkward (not unusual) because Boy was then like oh hey I havent met you yet. To which I replied ya, I don't know either one of you. They introduced themselves as Hannah and Aaron. I invited them down to my pit, which was slowly, with their presence, less like a pit and more like a normal floor. In the moments that followed I can't tell you exactly what happened because I'm not exactly sure. What I am sure of is that I'm not an elequent speaker, I rarely remember a thing, and that the holy spirit used me to speak into the lives of these 2 teens. They told me of their desires to do missions yet their fear of not knowing if that's God's will for them and the doubt of that calling. I, in a supernatural way, recalled what the Lord has taught me in the past few weeks, months, and years regarding knowing His will and feeling a call on your life that friends don't relate with. Through their tears I encouraged them and prayed for them. Just as quickly as they appeared, they were gone on to the next group thanking me for taking the time to talk with them. I, stunned at the events that had just taken place, leaned back to remotely begin processing. When a friend, as excited as could be came over with all her paperwork from door to door, sat in front of me, and half talking to herself, and half talking to me, began to recount her evening with such joy and excitement.

It was at this moment, that the Lord made it perfectly clear to me. He has gifted us each differently. He has a different work for each of us to do. I am not gifted nor passionate at this moment in my life to do door to door surveys. But yes and amen to speaking with and entering into life with some teenagers I barely know. I felt very clearly in that moment that God was saying, No, no dear one. Don't you throw in the towel yet. I can use you. I can use you.

And He can. I've been convinced of this. There are several other stories like this throughout the week in my own life, being like Lord, maybe you've not called me to this, and then in that sweet tender voice He responds, No, no dear one. I can use you. It was pretty amazing to experience this. The moment with the teens and the moments of doubt afterward. The Lord of all creation speaking into my doubt and fears, bringing calm and peace to my anxious and restless heart. How gracious He is.

Someone asked me what the best moment of the trip was. There are some other stories to come, but I have to tell you, this moment with Aaron and Hannah was such a sweet moment with the Lord that I think it tops the list. They told their leaders about me and thanked me the rest of the trip for that moment with them. But if only they knew, I needed it so much more than them.