My Messy, Thrilling Life

I follow this completely adorable blog called My Messy, Thrilling Life and I could think of NO better title for this post than that. There's so much to say that just doesn't fit together quite right so pardon my scattered thoughts here:

1. I just murdered the biggest bug (not a spider) I've ever seen in real life. I say murdered, because I heard its oxygen and goo seeping from it's smashed shell underneath my shoe. I say shoe because it was too large to be killed with a flip flop- my normal weapon of choice. Who won't be sleeping well tonight? That's me!
2. The giddies over took me again today, the hope of... well hope springing up. See # 5 the purpose of this post.
3. I saw a friend who is a hilarious, well mannered, skinny man playing his cello like it was a guitar tonight. I almost cried it looked so great. I also almost cried when he stopped before anyone could get a picture of it.
4. I have been abundantly blessed with women in my life that pour truth into me. Recently, I have had 3 separate women who don't know each other and aren't intimately involved in my life on a day to day basis speak similar words of encouragement and peace to me through thoughtful emails. I will share with you anonymously the sweet words these women shared with me some day soon.
5. THE BEAST, the reason this post exists.

Have you seen The Holiday? Oh dear one, it's a must and I don't often call movies a must but this one, it's there. So there's this part in the movie when Kate Winslet's character (you already know what I'm going to say don't you? Ya, it's one of those moments!) has a breakthrough with a man that has captivated her heart for FAR too long. She finds her voice, gathers a little "gumption" (no but seriously you have to watch it. Call me, we' ll watch it together) and kicks this man out for good, slamming the door behind him in utter VICTORY! And from the pits, deep with in, a yell comes from the depths of her soul that screams of freedom!

(Ok, here's a tiny clip, but then really, you must see the whole thing!)

Oh, my sweet friends. Today was my day. Today I screamed for freedom over and over and over again as I retold the story. The story of the 16 year long saga of me and a guy that came to a beautiful, completely final END. I found my voice and it wasn't at all what I thought it would sound like. At least in this situation. The voice I found was of deep compassion, care, and concern for him and his well being, but confident that that well being is completely apart from me. I spoke words of kindness, when I expected words of hate. I spoke words of care when I thought there was bitterness. My friends, we call lesser things epic, but this, THIS IS EPIC!

And the most glorious thing is that it's by absolutely no effort of my own. In 16 years I consistently ran back, in 16 years I questioned to be or not to be, in 16 years I never felt completely sold on no. But I'm here tonight telling you confidently, Freedom is mine! The Lord IS making all things new, even now! EVEN NOW! He is restoring the years the locusts have eaten. Sisters, brothers, this is GOOD news. This has been a long awaited time, prayed for by many, answered by One! There's no other reasoning for it, than from the hand of God Himself. Without me realizing it, He has brought healing to some of the most broken parts of me. He has given me a voice to say "no more." He's given me genuine love for one I once called an enemy. Y'all, I don't know if you get it, but this is H-U-G-E (regular sized letters would not have done the trick.)!

This little life of mine, that I don't know what the Lord is doing with, is messy, but today I could not be more thrilled about it! This song only makes me a bit more thrilled about it!